He's Gone and She's Gone...

Kevin collapsed onto the floor as we were walking to his car. I called 911 and started to perform CPR. The ambulance came, and I went with them.

Kevin is dead...another one of my friends is dead, because of his beliefs. His limiting disempowering beliefs. Learned helplessness. I am so weak. So tired. So sad. I want to give up.

If that wasn't enough as I was leaving, to go home I met met my friend Sally who was in the ER...she was there getting fixed up because her husband beat her.

I talked her into leaving him because it wasn't right. She said she prayed and said God said that she should stay in her marriage, and that she has the bible to back her up.

Guys she was so messed up that I didn't recognize her. If one of the attendants didn't say her full name I never would've turned around.

She really believes that this is Godly for her to be in this relationship. How can she think like that, and how can I have a relationship that was so good and awesome, and the problem is that he thinks it isn't right because he is gay, and he was taught being gay is wrong.

Then she goes into cardiac arrest. She is dead. How can this be right?? I begged her to wake up and get out. She told me she did, and that was a year ago. She always wanted to meet Van and have dinner with us, and her husband.

Now that will never happen.

Guys I am a wreck. I spent 6 hours in the hospital, watching my friend die, and another one resides to killing herself. What is going on?!!?!?!

AND WHY ARE PEOPLE USING GOD AS AN EXCUSE?!?!?!?!

I am shaking right now, and in tears. I am so wiped out. I don't know what to do. People are dying and they don't have to.

I feel like I am rambling. I have to  get ready for tomorrow. I have test tomorrow to get ready for.

I have to get this under control and move forward. Can't show any weakness...

I have to suck up and smile.

I am getting tired of being so strong. Of being that person people come to for help and guidance. I am so tired. I look forward to Church this Sunday...I need a recharge. I just hope it helps.

This song has been on my heart all throughout this trying time.

J-Bo