Saturday, June 29, 2013

Confusing Ass Text

So Van text me out of nowhere and I look at it and it is to ask if two friends of mine are in fact still dating and still together.

I was confused by it.

I didn't know what to say cause for one those two are always going on and off. Why go through all that drama I have no idea.

Another reason was that I didn't know why the hell it mattered to him at all. They are not happy with him. They were really hurt and felt disrespected by him. They accepted, loved, and welcomed him into their lives without judgement and without any questions.

Then he goes and do what he did.

He sure did show what it mean to have Churchianity and the state of how church trains it's youth. SMH.

But in any case I don't blame him. Look at Paula Dean and what she said and what is going on with her. It's the issues of the lies that we are fed as children that we carry into our adulthood.

I once heard that adulthood was partly getting over the trauma suffered as a child. I am starting to see the truth in that.

Back to the story.

So he asked me and I said I was lost about why he would ask that. He told me to never mind and I said ok. I was in the studio doing work so it didn't linger on my mind.

Fast forward I find out that one of the guys is going out with his sister. Not on a date, but going to go ahead and hang out. At first he wanted me to come along, but I said I didn't want to go cause I just don't want to be put in a position where I have to lie.

I am still willing to protect his secret and tell the same lies he tells himself and others, but not if I can help it. I just kept thinking her asking me about stuff and I am past the point of lying. I didn't want certain truths to come out that would lead to other things coming out.

So to keep the peace I will bow out.

Anyway I figure that his sister called him and told him what was going on and he probably thought A was going to go and try to be with her. Wrong assumptions there, but it isn't like there isn't history to support that.

So I wanted to reach out and tell him I know what it is going on, but his sister and my friend are adults and it ain't nobodies business.

Oh well...gotta work on this website cause I let it sit for too long. Gotta get a posting rhythm like I have it here. Wish me luck people.

J-Bo

P.S. Speaking about confusing text girl I'm talking to wants me to meet her kid. :-/ And a guy that I am talking to wants me to meet his mother and father and family. -_- What the hell is wrong with these people. Why is it that I cannot just rock out with no commitments and just work on doing me. Better to be single and just casually date. Still looking for some sex, but I can wait till I find someone who is worth it. 

The Out List: HBO

There is a new documentary on HBO about the LGBTQ community.

It is interesting...

You see men and women who hit all parts of the LGBTQ acronym. I wish some other people I know and admire would've been on here, but I guess it couldn't happen. Hopefully they will do another one.

But I say go and watch it. It is on HBO Demand so you can watch it anytime. It also comes on at random times so check your local listings.

But it is a great show and I really love it. Already getting somethings from it to share and give out to the other people.

My niece is now home with her mother and siblings and I am sitting here alone...looking out amongst the lush green scenery and the wild life all around me. I feel so blessed. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but where I am now ain't bad. :-)

Everyday I feel like I am sinking in quick sand, going against 50 inch steel walls, and climbing the highest mountains in the world. I am not saying this to get pity from anyone. I am saying this to say that I feel tired, but I am going to keep trucking it. Just keep me in your prayers.

Next post is about Van texting me about something I was confused about, but I now no longer am. Just wait for that one. :-)

J-Bo

Thursday, June 27, 2013

My New Love!!!!

So this is about someone I would love to meet and just...well I am going to stop that thought cause my body is acting up. :-)

But this is my new love interest. He is cute, a church boy, talented, a singer, and something about him just has me looking over and over again.

My friends who know Van say that the reason I like him is because he is a dark skinned version of Van.

I can see the similarities in a lot of the things between them, but still I want him.

One of my psych friends say that I am subconsciously looking for someone that has the elements of the relationship that had everything in it that I want. I said I don't want another church boy who is gay and fighting it...not going down that road again.

I said I want a man in my life.

I think that this guy can fulfill those requirements.

Here he is...I cannot stop listening to him sing!!!!! :-)

His style is very unique and his own..much like Van's, but w/e. I love originals and people who are there own person...much like Van's brother who I swear is the man.

Btw Van asked me about some friends of mine and it was weird. He wanted to know if they were still together. Why does he even care??

They are not happy with him. They cannot believe that they treat him the way they did...as a friend, family, and a confidant and he just throws them away and treats them like they don't even matter. Sad thing is that I ain't got nothing to say on it.

His character is his character. To him what he is doing is ok...he is just like the pack. It is what it is. :-P

Here is the man many say is like Van and I don't really see it, but his voice and personality drew me in!!!!

J-Bo

P.S. He has a unique look that for some reason screams personality, and him being him. Like he is a geek, but cool, sexy, confident, and I LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! I have decided he is nothing like Van. I just hope he doesn't believe the lie that being gay is wrong. Don't need anymore people marrying women and getting divorced or living on the DL because they cannot face reality. No time.






Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Lord What A Morning

Things are going so well yet we are still so under attack. We get DOMA to be seen as unconstitutional, and some other great things have been happening.

But on the flip side Votter Rights that were put in place to make sure that the voting rights of minorities have stayed in place has been taken away.

That means in Red States where slavery was rampart and all that things that went along with it aren't back to the extremes of the past, but that means that our voices won't be heard in those places. They even tried to get rid of Affirmative Action, but that was squashed.

We take 2 steps forward and one step back. God help us all.

But things are moving forward.

Time to get things kicked into high gear.

Back to entertaining my niece...when my brother gets in she will go to bother him and that will give me time to do some things for me. I already had to take a nap with her so she would fall asleep. Not that I am complaining...I needed it in a big way.

J-Bo

P.S. Van's brother has been all over my news feed and he is a real man to me now. I mean I have nothing but respect. He isn't afraid to stand up and let his voice be heard. He knows it won't be popular with some, but he doesn't care. He will stand up, for, and against those that he needs to. He's a shining example to many that I know.

P.P.S. Suppose to be heading to Nebraska for a gig soon hopefully. Getting a cool $8k for 3 days work. Pray that it comes through and I get to hang out with some cool people...they are part of Van's family, but still we are close and they are cool as hell. I love good people and they are good people.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Impromptu Performance

So my day was jam packed full of stuff.

The important things were that I was able to help my voice teacher move all her boxes into her house all at one time. That was my main priority for getting into the city today,

The next thing was the last minute decision to pick up my niece and have her spend time with me. She was crying on the phone cause she was going to someone elses' house and she wanted to come with me.

So I picked her up and she is with my mom and dad now sleeping. Tomorrow I gotta find things for her to do so she can have fun. Thinking a nature hike and a swim in the pool. That should be fun.

Btw my mother got a new car and we were driving that today. When my niece saw the car she immeidiately asked if that was my friend. I was stuck and couldn't think about who she was talking about. I forgot that my ex would pick her up in the same car.

I am surprised she remembered that. She cannot remember his name, but she remembers things. Hmmm

Anyway then my friend D called me with a crisis and needed out of his house cause he was having problems with his father and brother. So I told him to come over to school and wait with me and we can go.

While we were waiting a friend from the school's gospel choir stopped me and we talked and he told me about a band that he started and they were having rehearsals. So of course he asked me to come and started telling his co-workers that I am a beast of a man with a voice to match.

I told him to stop lying.

So I went with D and my niece and it was like a show. The boy has gotten so good and his songs are so good. Then he calls me up and we make magic happen. I throw D up there and of course he was nervous, but he sang out after awhile.

Going to have to take him to karaoke and make him sing more so he can learn to deal with his nerves. It's the only way.

But we are now all in my house and it is peaceful and quiet. While we were coming in we could see the night sky being lit up with lightening. That isn't even the best of it though. I remember a time when there were so many stars in the sky it was breath taking. Then there were streaks of lightning stabbing the sky.

That was something.

That is the memory I go to sleep with. The beautiful starry night sky and a force of nature ripping through the sky.

Time for bed...got things to do tomorrow and with my niece and D here it isn't going to be easy to get done cause I gotta play host and uncle.

J-Bo

Brian Stokes Mitchell

Morning...

I gotta go and get to rehearsal soon so this will have to be fast. Then I am going to the movies on a lil date. Tell you about that one later. ;-)

But Brian Stokes Mitchell is on my list of favorite singers. The man is AWESOME!!!!!!!!

He is singing 2 songs I am learning for auditions and shows.

Tell me what you think.

J-Bo

P.S. The first and last are my favorites and one of them is from the Prince of Egypt which I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!




Monday, June 24, 2013

Ain't Taking Nothin' From My Journey Now

So I want to start by saying hello and have a great Monday people. I hope all is going extremely well for you.

My day has actually started from 11:30pm yesterday till now. I took a nice nap and I have been up since then. So I just wanted to drop you guys a quick line cause I just got reminded of a valuable lesson today.

I drove into the city with my mother and father and because of leaving late and traffic we ended up not being able to drop me off and going straight to my mom's job. My father was going to drop me off. But he was going to go inside and do whatever it is that he does. Now any other time he goes inside and does stuff like that he is there for almost an hour and I am left in the car waiting.

So this time I said I am going to go inside bring my book and chill in an air conditioned room and wait.

So I have my book and I walk inside the school and my father sees me with my book and mumbles under his breathe and calls me an idiot and stupid. :-)

I fucking let him have it. My mother almost kicked us both out cause we were inside her school at the time. I apologized and gave my father a look of I dare you to say something to me again.

He kept his mouth shut.

So I am waiting and waiting and he is sitting on the computer doing nothing. So I just got my stuff and decided to walk the 30 blocks to campus.

On the way there was this guy who looked like he was about to die form the heat. I stopped and he asked me to please buy him some food. No one wanted to listen or talk to him. I spent the rest of the money I had to get him some food and something to drink. It kinda put me out, but I wanted to do it.

The reason I tell you that last part is that even when you think you are going to have to go through the motions or go through something remember that on your journey there are people you can touch even if only a little bit. I am so happy that I was able to bless him. I was so able to give him something that made him feel good, thus I feel like I did something good today.

Now the reason I came in today was to help my voice teacher move her stuff into the middle office. Today and tomorrow I am here to work hard and lend my body. She has done so much for me that this is the least that I can do for her.

Lemme go track her down, and pray my father either watches how he talks to me or I have more patience and hold my tongue. I am not looking for a fight, but I am not going to have someone diminish my worth. Call me stupid, idiot, a disappointment and get ready for a fight. Now that may not be for everyone. I know people who speak a good game and call you out of your name, but they are no one so you let it go.

But for my father to think it is ok, just tells me he is loosing his fucking mind and I will defend myself. He should know me better than that...if he doesn't then it is my job to teach him. -_-

Today I just feel like getting a job and doing that. Being an entrepreneur is so hard. Always have to be on your toes...but it is the life I want. I want to be able to do what others cannot. If I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, why I want, with whomever I want I have to do what others won't.

Pray for me people!!!!

J-Bo

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Family :-)

So the past few days have been kinda awesome.

Work has been getting done at kinda a snail's pace, but besides that I feel on top of the world.

Went to my cousin's bday party last night in LI...a 2 hour drive mind you. -_-

But it was so much fun. The food was awesome, the music was on point, and the drinks were strong and plentiful. That and seeing the next generation running around. It was so nice to see all of them.

Even got the chance to help heal some family rifts, and learn some more about my family and heard them out and was there for them when they needed me. So all in all I feel awesome.

Church was on point too, but I had to leave early since my mom and dad were ready sooner than I thought. It's cool cause these past 2 days I've only gotten 6 hours of sleep so tonight I have to makes sure I get my rest. I got a voice lesson, business calls, and I need to work out tomorrow.

I am just so happy.

I don't deserve the things that are happening to me.

I still don't know what the hell I am going to do about my love life. I feel like I need to find someone who loves me for me now before things go to far cause I am already seeing men and women who only want to be with me cause I can do things for them and because they feel I am "someone."

I don't like that so I have work to do.

So many things I wish I could tell you guys, but it'll have to wait until things get clearer and I get a little more settled in things.

Till next time...time to take a nap.

J-Bo

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Night with My Opera Chorus Colleagues

I am sure I spelt one of those words wrong, but who cares. It's 2:15 am and I just got in from singing karaoke all night.

This was the first time I sang and I don't think I did very well. I mean some people where excited, but others weren't.

I don't know if they were just taking it in, or they didn't like my performance and my song choices.

Oh well, you cannot win everyone over. But I had a great time and that drive home was SICK!!!!

So need to move back into NYC. I've been looking at apartments...some of them are really cool. Things are moving people...things are moving. Just need to get out of my own way.

Now to bed cause tomorrow is a long drive to LI for a birthday party and to do some networking. I gotta find those business cards.

Happy 1st day of summer which has actually pasted, but w/e.

Night.

J-Bo

P.S. Next time I do karaoke I am going to have the keys worked out that I want to sing in before hand cause damn most male singers are HIGH!!!!! That and today I was feeling like a Basso so I had literally no top coming in. :-(

Friday, June 21, 2013

Fix Me Jesus, Fix Me



This hymn reminds me that even when things are all going the way we would like them to that we still have things that should be worked on and fixed.

I am in a real great place right now, and things are moving forward. I have a real heart to serve and help others so I hope this helps you all.

Even though you maybe doing great or even bad, please remember that you are so valuable and such an prize to the kingdom...don't forget that you have that spark of divinity in you.

God Bless...

J-Bo

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Trust No One...At First That Is

So this may not come as a surprise, but I just got another scary story about someone out there and who puts themselves at risk for contracting a serious STI. Here's the story...

One of my friends went out last night chilling with this gay guy. They met through a mutual person and my friend is just looking for cool people to hang with. He has a man and is not looking for someone else.

That and he is now working design for Columbia Presbyterian Hospital and works in the clinic sometime and the people and stuff he sees scares him so much that he now realizes my stories and advice are not far-fetched, but battle learned lessons.

So he is at this guys house which I told him to watch his back at. I said you have to be careful cause it is hard for the majority of gay people to just be friends. You think that someone just wants to hang and chill, but they are actually working on getting inside of your pants. It never fails...NEVER!!!

I guess that is why I have so few gay friends cause they all wanted to fuck at a time when I was with Van and also I wasn't down for the cause. I just wanted good solid friends...not likely. :-(

A lesson I tried to teach Van and others, but most learn the hard way when they have to fend off serious advances and most fall into having sex and most of it is unprotected. Sad but true.

So he is at this guys house and he starts showing him pics of all the men he's slept with, and who are trying to sleep with him. Then he undresses infront of him. Then they end up watching Titanic together and have a good time with that.

He calls me when it is done to tell me that dude has a 149 IQ level, goes to NYU, and makes serious paper. None of that means anything to me if the guy doesn't have a good heart and is a servant. Apparently he is.

But here is the kicker. Homeboy told me friend about this guy he slept with who when he went to the bathroom he saw medicine for HIV/AIDS. The guy was upset cause the guy said he was negative and was clean...then when confronted said he did have HIV/AIDS. O_o

I woulda flipped the fuck out. He said he got checked and he is in fact negative, but that did it for my friend. He wasn't looking to do anything, but this made him appreciate his man even more cause shit is real out there.

I was shocked, but then again I wasn't.

It was a sad, sad situation.

So my rule still stands.

Everyone is guilty until proven innocent and even then WEAR PROTECTION!!!!!!!!

So that is my rant and lesson for the day...I think.

I know we all get caught up in the moment, but that really isn't an excuse anymore. Use protection, ask someone about their status, and please remember people will lie to you...even those you trust.

It will probably be a long time, before I fall back into a relationship with someone for two reasons. I don't trust no man or woman with my life, and when I am in a relationship I have to be in love with you. i have to want to be with you, and you me. It becomes to the point where we go from being a you and me to being a we.

That takes time.

Yessir.

My last relationship was like that, but we got deep into it faster than I thought we would. We just bonded and clicked real fast.

Maybe it will happen like that again and maybe it won't.

It at least thought me some very valuable lessons that I needed to learn about myself and others. One of them is again: "When people show you who they are, especially when they tell you, BELIEVE THEM. They knew them better than you do."

So now I need to get these songs off to the producer...I keep sitting on my hands with these.

I realize what my problem is. I am so damn scared of being successful. It's not that I think I won't make it...I know I will. I mean I really do know that I will be the top of the top, and that scares me.

I know the greatness that comes with that, but I am so scared of the responsibility, scrutiny, and the fact that people do everything to find something wrong or bad to exploit and attack. I just don't want to be alone, I don't want all the stigma and baggage that comes along with being successful.

But there is a price to be paid for everything. I just have to pay it. I have to be willing to let my light truly shine...no matter what.

Daily walk...daily bread...daily renewals.

J-Bo

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Keys To A Great Relationship

This applies to both men and women gay and straight.

A lot of these are the same principles that I used in my previous relationship. That's why it worked so well. But like that old relationship you cannot be with someone not on your level. So keep that in mind. Better to be friends than to do something foolish.

When someone shows you who they are, especially when they tell you, TRUST AND BELIEVE THEM!!!!

http://www.discreetcity.com/1/post/2013/06/podcast-episode-13.html



J-Bo

Desiderata - Words for Life

Desiderata - Words for Life

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

If

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

~ Rudyard Kipling 

J-Bo

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A New Day

So I want to stop and smell the roses. Life has been really good for me. I am making some serious moves, it just is going SO SLOW!!!!!!!!! :-(

I talked to the Dean of the Humanities department today and I think I am working on getting some serious business contacts from him. :-)

I am going kinda crazy today...I am working on building 8+ businesses at once. I know I know. What the hell is wrong with me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I am going to make it work.

So besides that I am going do my best and tomorrow I work hard and work long.

Pray for me people.

I wanna share a word of warning. Be careful going out to people's houses and taking drinks or stuff from them. I heard a friend of a friend just got date raped. He went to some "cool" guys house. Was offered a drink and next thing he realized was that he was waking up 5 hours later.

He was full of cum and leaking cum and some blood. Guess they were a little rough. That is not the only thing. They also found ecstasy and cocaine in his system. I think what happened is that they took the powdered ex and put it on their dick and put it inside of him.

People can be really shitty and dangerous.

Please take care of yourselves.

I have also decided to go out on 2 dates. One female and one male. They have been hounding me for dates for weeks now and I figure why not. I am not looking for a relationship from them, but they are sweet and I enjoy people's company so why not.

So I got the fem dude...hopefully not too fem. -_-

And this super sexy hot ghetto hood girl. -_-

We shall see...I don't know what they see in me, but it is what it is.

Now to wait for my mom so I can go home and get some sleep. Look out world. And I have decided to close this blog and start another one...wait for future notices on that.

J-Bo

Monday, June 17, 2013

Good Bye...Soon

So I just wanted to drop in and say writing songs are not as hard as I thought. Especially not when you are working with some of the best, creative, and well-known writers in the business.

I am very lucky to have these contacts, and I just need to get them done and get them done asap.

So keep me in your thoughts and prayers and I will do the same for you.

The other thing that I wanted to tell you guys is that within the next 30 days I will no longer be writing this blog. I am going to give it up. But I am starting a new one that dictates where I am now in my life.

This blog though it has provided to be more than a great outlet is a relic to me now.

I no longer feel the title suits me. It actually never did. I don't define myself by those words so I don't even know what the hell I was thinking. So I am going to change it.

I am not sure how I will do it.

I know I will link to my new blog in this blog when I am done, and if I can have this blog route people to me new one, but the day is coming. I am reaching a whole other level and I gotta be done with the things of the past.

I have to move on.

I had a nice long conversation helping my friend in ATL and through helping her from 11pm-4:30am I was getting some help and therapy that I needed. So I know what it is that I need to do. Honor and respect my past, live in my present, and shape my future.

God is truly blessing me everyday.

Off to try and get a nap before my voice lesson.

Have a productive day people.

J-Bo

Sunday, June 16, 2013

My Father’s Journey To Accepting His Gay Son

Nice Father's Day story that I wanted to share with you all. I think that it can help and it would mean a lot to all of you out there who feel that it is hopeless and that things are the way they are period.

-------------------------------------------------

Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
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Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.

Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.

Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”

I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.

It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?

A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.

My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.

We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.

- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf

Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf
Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf
Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf

Happy Father's Day

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Got Played Like A Chump

So of course last night some shit went down.

I was ready for something to happen and came with protection and lube just in case not that I needed it, because he had plenty, but still.

The only reason I let anything happen at all was because he was single and had just gotten a full physical and blood work because of his job. So I felt very confidant...that and he is a stickler for health.

He never even lets his boyfriends kiss him if they have a cold...he is that bad.

Long story short I topped all night and had my fun. It was hot, sensual, fun, carnal, passionate, and a total release.

Here is where the fucked part comes in.

He tells me this morning when I was leaving that I had to take everything cause his man would be home soon. O_o

I was like WTF you mean your man?!?!?!?!

He said he didn't tell me he had a boyfriend, but it was ok cause they had an arrangement where he can sleep with other men he just has to be the one fucking not getting fucked. -_-

I had to remind him that 1 he lied to me about being with anyone cause nothing woulda happened, 2 he got fucked 5 times last night so he didn't even keep his word to his man. -_-

So now I feel lied, disgraced, disrespected, and hurt.

How could he do that to me and he had to nerve to tell me I was overreacting. If it wasn't for the fact that the sex was off the chain and I needed the physical release and experience I would've died.

I just cannot believe that people are so damn dishonest and what is worst is that I have fell into the trap. I shoulda been smarter. This is why being with someone you love and trust is so important...but then again men and women are proving themselves more and more untrustworthy.

I can understand why people want to be single and just do them. Maybe being alone forever and not being joined with anyone is the way to go. :-/

Another thing that drove me crazy was that he wanted me keep fucking him on the side. He said it was hot and he loved my dick and how it felt and the man I was. He said he wanted all of me even if it was for a little while.

He said now that I am done with the little closet case (Van) that I should be ready for a real man.

WTF?!?!?! -_-  O_o

I could not believe what I was hearing...I thought I was being punked.

I told him that though the relationship did not work means nothing. I wouldn't allow him to talk bad about someone he doesn't even know in front of me. I had to remind him that we all went through that period in our lives and we did things in our own time.

Then he started saying he is more man than Van ever was, and that his boyfriend could be controlled and manipulated. All that mattered was that they be together. He told me that if I wanted he'd leave his boyfriend, kick him out of the house, and be with me.

Smh.

BITCH ASS DUDE!!!!

I said what kind of man are you showing me to be that I would want to be with you!

I don't care he is out of the closet and at peace with who he is...his character sucks and shows me someone I cannot build a life with.

I don't care he is super hot, smart, successful, masculine, and fine as HELL!!!! He is just not for me, and I am not dealing with anymore.

I told him we cannot be friends. I don't even want to do business with him. I'd rather work harder at building new business relationships, and move on from there.

Now I am home alone and I got work to do. Still frozen on writing these songs, but I cannot wait anymore. Gotta get going and get going now.

Long day of work so no time to waste. Have a blessed day everyone.

J-Bo

Friday, June 14, 2013

Dudes and Females Are CRAZY!!!!

I know I have been MIA. Working hard on these businesses is draining me. Also feeling less than 100% when it comes to my health so that is something to work on and fix.

But I will try to keep regular postings.

Anyway...

So I went out a few nights ago and was looking real good and feeling even better.

I met this dude that I met awhile back. He was acting real funny towards me as I was dancing with this straight couple.

He pulled me to the side and asked me where was my husband?? I gave him the WTF look!!!! O.o

Come to find out he was one of the dudes throwing his ass at me while I was with Van. I kept turning homeboy down and he kept on with the advances.

I told him we broke up for almost a year now. He asked if we were still friends. I said I consider him a friend, but we don't speak. Dude said his lost and started to really throw his ass at me. :-)

I smile cause it was so damn weird. I told him that it's all good. These things happen. It was great while it lasted, but I moved on.

He smiled and said he lived 15 minutes away. I smiled and said it's ok...no need to rush.

I swear gay men are crazy!!!!

All the LGBT ppl I know were so shocked when they realized our relationship lasted over a year. I said why. They all told me that ppl normally last less than 6 months...especially gay men. Smh. Disgusting.

So I leave to get to my car and make my way over to my friends house where I was going to spend the night. I get there and she is having a girls night. I was super annoyed cause I wanted some piece and quiet.

Whom do I find in the mass of girls there...but one of my exes.

Tiffany.

She knows I am bi and I was with Van. She started saying have I finally left the pussy faggot church boy. That shit got my blood hot.

Long story short I cursed her out and took my stuff and left...drove home that night. So mad that I stayed awake the whole trip and when I got home I crashed for 14 hours straight.

What is going on with these men and women??

Why can I not find a decent normal one?

Is it really that bad out there?

I think I am going to be single for a long ass time.

J-Bo

P.S. One of my friends has moved close to me so I am going over for dinner and a movie. Haven't seen him a while. We always had a thing for each other, but have always been dating someone else. Well I was the only one who cared about that, and he just wanted to cheat, but I wouldn't let him. Made him stay true to his man. But he said he was going to cook for me, a great action-adventure movie, sci-fi/fantasy movie, and some liquor. You know I was sold!!!! :-D

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Wake and then Funeral

Just got home from seeing a good friend of mine mom get laid to rest.

She had a rare form of cancer...so rare that all the doctors could do was help with the pain, and they asked if they would donate the bodies to science to study the cancer.

It was that serious.

But it was a nice service...I actually wanted to be asked to sing which is why I made sure I declined and didn't sing. I felt like it was wrong of me to want to sing...I don't know if it was 110% selfless so I chose to do nothing.

Anyway back home now and I am ready for BED!!!!

Long day tomorrow and then rest for the next couple of days. Well not rest, but no need to be running around into the city. I can stay home and get some work done. :-)

Life is too short...live it like it can end tomorrow. Cause it can.

Fall in love, be with those that make you happy, ignore fear and regret, and just be in the moments. Cause in the end it doesn't matter.

We are given life to live it...not to prepare to live it. Not to keep going through the motions.

J-Bo

New Singers I Cannot Stop Listening To

For some reason these 3 ladies are getting repeats on my iPod.

Something about them!!!

Maranda Curtis Willis; Chrystal Rucker; Nikki Rossl; Leandria Johnson (my favorite)










J-Bo

P.S. Don't get it twisted...Nikki is my least favorite cause she goes off on a tangent and seems to hate all melodies. But her musicianship is awesome...just too damn much riffing. SING THE SONG WOMAN!!!!!!

Proven Wrong

So here I am sitting waiting for this library to open and I have to admit something. I have been proven wrong.

It happens from time to time...we are human after all and not perfect. That isn't the problem.

I am talking about singing styles and genres.

Van and I would always argue about what my voice could and could not do. He felt classical, broadway, R&B/soul, and gospel was where my voice belonged.

I believed there was no genre that I could not engage in.

So how did I get proved wrong...well I did a studio session last night. Someone was looking for a male singer, and the song they wanted me to sing was a demo for a pop artist. So they wanted me to do all sorts of things that to be honest felt like my voice was losing color, character, and soul.

It was a disaster...I felt like shit to be honest.

So I asked if I could have 15 minutes and do the song the way I feel it and then we can go from there. They said yes.

IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

What it sounded like to me was a more soulful, real, honest, and true. They loved it too. They said they are going to pitch it to more artist now cause my delivery opened up some avenues.

So Van was right. I maybe able to play and have fun in other genres, but I gotta be honest and stay true to the fact that I am who I am.

The story of my life is be who you are, no matter what happens and who has a problem. Goes for my voice as well.

So now I know better of the direction to take my career. :-)

Now back to work...need 2 days of solid sleep!!!!! ;-)

J-Bo

Monday, June 10, 2013

Freaking AMAZING!!!!

So I don't have much to talk about today. Nothing big happened.

I had a voice lesson that went well. My voice was ringing so well today, but as soon as I got to apply it to the rep I was floundering.

So that was that and one of my kids is done for this season and another one is coming due. I got 2 more sessions and then I am done. Sad to see them go, but happy that they can leave and move on.

I ordered a new set of business cards and I am working on revamping my website cause I am going to start posting regularly again. I've been posting here so much that I've been slacking on the business stuff. Not good, but this is easy. I guess I found the other one too hard...gotta work it though.

The next thing that I am working on doing is writing these songs. I am such an ass for waiting...for no reason too!!!!! -_-

But I want to leave you guys with this song. Yesterday I was watching the Tony Awards. First time in my life watching it...I was lost for most of it since it really isn't too much of my world. I am just getting into that side of the arts.

Anyway there was one performance over all of them that stuck out to me.

It was awesome...the woman's voice was SICK!!!!

Going to share it. She obviously has some serious classical training. That classical training is the good stuff...can be applied to all. :-)

Long day tomorrow...gotta work and go to a wake tomorrow. Not looking forward to that, but I need to show my support.


J-Bo

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Am I Wrong??

So today after church I find myself a little vexed.

Lemme explain...service today was wonderful. I learned something, music was on point, and I feel like I have more direction and motivation in areas where I might not have had in the past.

So for that I am happy I went to church today.

My problem is that 2/3 of my best friends are so letting me down. They aren't keeping there words. They are just not being the best they can be. But then again maybe they are. Maybe my expectations are yet again too high.

Smh.

So I am so tired of putting time, energy, care, and strength into people who don't seem to want to do the same. I am a great man and I deserve better. I deserve the best. I shouldn't let people treat me like that.

I am going to stop giving my best to those who don't appreciate it. That doesn't mean I will stop caring and loving people just gotta recognize some deserve it and some don't. Those that don't get it only when they make a request.

I won't go above and beyond anymore for people who won't do the same for me.

Raising myself to another level!!!

The other thing that bothered me was when I was trying to find a song for my friend D to make his solo appearance in church. He has been asked to sing many times and because of fears and nerves always said no.

But the boy can SANG!!!! SO I decided to lend myself and help him out.

Here is the problem. Apparently my church don't want any songs done, even inspirational, if you cannot find scripture in them. Now that may not seem to be a problem but it is.

I was thinking of great songs like "Take Me To The King", "Home", "I Believe I Can Fly" (mainly an inspirational song), and a number of other songs. For a second I felt that the only songs I could choose were songs by Isreal Houghton since just about everything he sings and does has scripture references...him and Donald Lawrence.

Here is my confusion.

All gospel and most inspirational songs have been inspired by scripture and stories of the bible. There is not one song that is sung by a gospel or christian artist that I cannot find at least 5 scriptures to back it up.

So to me my Bishop's views on the type of songs they choose is weird to me. I just don't know the reasoning...

I understand that they want everything to be scripture based, but is it that they want it to be obviously scripture based so no one can say anything about it??

So many questions...so many concerns.

Nothing makes sense in that regard.

It is just like someone saying they don't want to sing a song by Tonex aka Brian Slade in church because he is gay. -_-

Well that takes out most gospel artist today and yesterday.

Not to mention all gospel music has either been performed, sung by, recorded by, played by, written by, produced by someone who is LGBT. I mean these people are the kingdom of God.

Ignorance.

I won't stand for it.

Now to cook some stew chicken and maybe some white rice to keep it simple.

My daddy is coming home on Friday and I need to make sure I have some shit in order to minimize his bitching cause Lord knows he's good for it. :-P

Until next time.

J-Bo

Saturday, June 8, 2013

My Male Peference Defined

So I was asked to define the kind of man that I am most attracted to.

I am not interested so much in race or body type or anything like that. I have dated big, small, tall, short and everything inbetween.

But I know for a fact that I am more into men who are real men, but they kinda border on the fem.

Not super gays or anything, but men who are men and we can be in the street and have fun and chill and just be guys, but men that are also a little fem. That is men who you look at and you say that there is a great big chance that they are gay.

I realize that those are my types, but they they cannot be too fem.

That and I do like men shorter than me.

I am willing to move away from that if the chemistry is there, but this is my go to place.

Not that it matters cause these men and even these women are walking around spreading all sorts of shit.

Thinking of some great song concepts...looking forward to getting them down.

J-Bo

Masterclass

So I had the master class today. I sang my two songs and it went well. Not as great as I wanted, but they loved it. To me I did ok, but to them I am well on my way.

One lady even said I could listen to you sing all day. :-)

So that was nice. I know have to learn some arias from the Flying Dutchman by Wagner. That is what I am going to audition for when I go back in September cause in August we start rehearsals for Un Ballo in Maschera.

Then I hung out and counseled two of my friends who are dating.

I chilled with the big 3 minus T. He is always not coming through, but that is his shit and not mine. We all grown.

So today has been so good, and I know that things are moving forward. Just gotta stay strong and stay focused.

So tomorrow is church and I am off to bed. TIRED!!!!!!

J-Bo

Friday, June 7, 2013

Intersting Article That Got Me Thinking

Very interesting...I think this raises a lot of questions and can get a lot of people to think and open up.

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http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20130603/OPINION01/306030016/Iowa-View-1-man-1-woman-isn-t-the-Bible-s-only-marriage-view?gcheck=1

Iowa View: 1 man, 1 woman isn't the Bible's only marriage view

The debate about marriage equality often centers, however discretely, on an appeal to the Bible. Unfortunately, such appeals often reflect a lack of biblical literacy on the part of those who use that complex collection of texts as an authority to enact modern social policy.

As academic biblical scholars, we wish to clarify that the biblical texts do not support the frequent claim that marriage between one man and one woman is the only type of marriage deemed acceptable by the Bible’s authors.

The fact that marriage is not defined as only that between one man and one woman is reflected in the entry on “marriage” in the authoritative Eerdmans Dictionary of the Bible (2000): “Marriage is one expression of kinship family patterns in which typically a man and at least one woman cohabitate publicly and permanently as a basic social unit” (p. 861).

The phrase “at least one woman” recognizes that polygamy was not only allowed, but some polygamous biblical figures (e.g., Abraham, Jacob) were highly blessed. In 2 Samuel 12:8, the author says that it was God who gave David multiple wives: “I gave you your master’s house, and your master’s wives into your bosom. ... And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more” (Revised Standard Version).

In fact, there were a variety of unions and family configurations that were permissible in the cultures that produced the Bible, and these ranged from monogamy (Titus 1:6) to those where rape victims were forced to marry their rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29) and to those Levirate marriage commands obligating a man to marry his brother’s widow regardless of the living brother’s marital status (Deuteronomy 25:5-10; Genesis 38; Ruth 2-4). Others insisted that celibacy was the preferred option (1 Corinthians 7:8; 28).

Although some may view Jesus’ interpretation of Genesis 2:24 in Matthew 19:3-10 as an endorsement of monogamy, Jesus and other Jewish interpreters conceded that there were also non-monogamous understandings of this passage in ancient Judaism, including those allowing divorce and remarriage.

In fact, during a discussion of marriage in Matthew 19:12, Jesus even encourages those who can to castrate themselves “for the kingdom” and live a life of celibacy.

Ezra 10:2-11 forbids interracial marriage and orders those people of God who already had foreign wives to divorce them immediately.

So, while it is not accurate to state that biblical texts would allow marriages between people of the same sex, it is equally incorrect to declare that a “one-man-and-one-woman” marriage is the only allowable type of marriage deemed legitimate in biblical texts.

This is not only our modern, academic opinion. This view of the multiple definitions of “biblical” marriage has been acknowledged by some of the most prominent names in Christianity. For example, the famed Reformationist Martin Luther wrote a letter in 1524 in which he commented on polygamy as follows: “I confess that I cannot forbid a person to marry several wives, for it does not oppose the Holy Scriptures.”

Accordingly, we must guard against attempting to use ancient texts to regulate modern ethics and morals, especially those ancient texts whose endorsements of other social institutions, such as slavery, would be universally condemned today, even by the most adherent of Christians.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Left Me Speechless...I Am Mind Blown





J-Bo

Waste of My Fucking Time

So I come into the city to teach 3 people and get paid a total of $100.

ALL OF THEM CANCELED!!!

Why could this not happen last night?? So I coulda stayed home this morning.

I am going to have to make this better and make up that money. Not sure how yet, but I will think of something.

So today has been a big unproductive FLOP!!!

The only highlight was seeing my bulgarian beauty and also surprisingly Van text me about an aria. I appreciated that he was thinking of giving me more rep that will make me a better singer and performer.

I need as many great pieces of music as possible.

So I wait to go home and then tomorrow I stay upstate and I can get more things done. I hate that I wasted today. I feel like a failure. But that is ok...moving on and gonna do better.

On other news it seems you cannot trust no one. All these men and women are walking around with something. I refuse to catch some shit now...I REFUSE!!!!!

But I am getting so damn HORNY!!!!!!!

The only person I know who ain't got nothing is Van and I was tempted to fly out to him fuck the shit outta him, get fucked real good and come home. Smh. Where are all the freaks who are also clean and drug and disease free?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

So I still wanna be in a relationship, but this is getting harder than I thought. My hand is starting to not work anymore.

One guy got close. He was so sincere, nice, hot, and sexually charged. But I know the games...I played the games. He was good, but I am better. Talking that good shit. Damn I miss being in a relationship...a real committed relationship.

I need to focus my thoughts and energy. I gotta keep certain other things and people in a box at all times. :-)

Right now I am about career, money, making a way for others, connection, love, destiny, legacy, unity, and most importantly love.

Now to go and meet up with my mother and go home.

J-Bo

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Charice Pempengco Says She is a Lesbian




Charice Pempengo says she is a lesbian.

MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Charice Pempengco, a Filipino singer who played an exchange student in "Glee," says she's a lesbian and has apologized to her family in an emotional TV interview.

The 21-year-old said on Sunday's talk show on ABS-CBN TV that she wants to apologize to those who do not understand and cannot accept her. She mentioned her mother and brother.

"I don't know what the problem with that is because for me, that isn't a problem," Charice said, adding, "To all those who will accept me, thank you very, very much."

Charice said that after her public coming out, she could now "leave my house without hiding anything."

Most comments online and in the local media were supportive of the singer.

But an official with the Roman Catholic Church, the Rev. Melvin Castro, stirred controversy by saying Charice was experiencing an identity crisis.

Charice and her brother were raised by their single mother. She sang in local contests and appeared on TV talent shows in the Philippines and South Korea before she got a big break on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" at age 15.

She also appeared in Oprah Winfrey's talk show and starred in "Glee" in 2011.

Castro, the executive secretary of the Episcopal Commission on Family and Life, asked the public not to judge the singer while she is still trying to "discover her real feelings."

With spiritual counseling, she may still realize she is really heterosexual, he said.

"If her situation is really same-sex attraction, then we have to help her live a life that is celibate and pure," Castro told The Associated Press.

The Catholic Church rejects homosexual behavior, including same-sex marriage, and the church is influential in the predominantly Roman Catholic country. But the gay community is growing in the Philippines, and there are many respected and popular gay entertainers.