I had a great Sunday...service was awesome.
I hope you all had a great time today no matter what you do or believe in. God is so good and so real.
Church was so packed today that I had to sit in the cafeteria and catch the service being streamed live.
So church was nice and I stayed in a air conditioned cool place. It was so hot in the annex and sanctuary. I am glad that I was able to enjoy the service where I was.
I spent a great time with friends and family, and now I am leaving my friend's house to go to my grandmother's house in BK. I cannot lie, but every time I drive over the Williamsburg bridge I think of Van since that is the main way I know to get him home and pick him up.
But no more of that...I am going to drive to BK, and relax and go to sleep...maybe.
Going to auditions all this week. Gotta rest my voice up, and get it ready for a show.
That is all for today, cause there isn't much to talk about.
There is a girl in church that I am going to talk to because she seems interesting. I wasn't going to at first, but I was told that she is not a religious person at all. That was all I needed to hear...I have had my fill of people who were very religious and no so much spiritual.
On another note there is someone from a COGIC church who has been talking to me. He is from a well-known COGIC family, and is a PGK and a PK. I was very weary, but he is alleviating my fears.
He is masculine, sexy, confidant, and sure of who he is. No worries of running or anything like that...though he reminds me of Van, and I am trying not to link the two together. I gotta keep that part of my spirit and heart and mind cut off and closed.
It gets easier and easier to build up that wall and barrier. I think it is to the point where I can see him and talk to him and not feel anything. I've been asking God to build a wall and barrier around me that pertains to him...I don't know if it will last, or needed but it is what it is.
I just wanna be in love the way God showed me before but with someone who is strong enough to stand up and walk into the unknown. A true man of faith.
Time to drive.
J-Bo
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Revelations
So I got some friends over and I wanted to put this out there before I get sidetracked.
But it seems when people hear about the relationship that Van and I had they not only love and admire the story and love, but they also kinda says it scares them off.
They actually said that we could have sex and mess around, but what man or woman can compete with love like that. They said they are looking for love like that.
SMMFH!!!!
So I have a new rule. From now on, I won't talk about Van. I don't want people to feel lost before they started...I mean he isn't really all that special...at least he shouldn't be. -_-
So when asked I haven't been in a serious relationship before. I've just had shallow relationships. I feel like a punk for lying, but I must admit it can't be easy thinking that they have to compete against someone else.
I guess it is cool. My best friend doesn't talk about one certain ex with his wife. I mean for all she knows she is just a female from his past. She would not like to hear her name if she really knew the significance of her...SHE WOULD KILL!!!! :-D
So that is it...no one else will hear the story of Van. For apparently if they do they feel like they cannot compete. Which I still don't understand.
On other news one of my married friends came into the city to audition for broadway shows. She is a broadway performer and mini star. She actually asked me why years ago we never hooked up. Smh.
This is my life people. I'm not saying she wanted to sleep with me now, but I don't think it would be out of the question if I wanted to have sex. All I want is one person to love, cherish, and hold. I'm over the random people and hooking up. I'm over it.
Now back to these people. They did drive over here to see me and chill out. Otherwise I'd be home alone, and I need some human contact and some attention. I need to be dating again...I just accepted that I will be thinking of this man no matter what.
Just gotta push out the feelings and emotions and focus on someone and something else. Not that I want to...but I really don't.
One of them wants to start singing and harmonizing. I do need the practice and I love to sing with other people now. A gift that Van left with me.
J-Bo
But it seems when people hear about the relationship that Van and I had they not only love and admire the story and love, but they also kinda says it scares them off.
They actually said that we could have sex and mess around, but what man or woman can compete with love like that. They said they are looking for love like that.
SMMFH!!!!
So I have a new rule. From now on, I won't talk about Van. I don't want people to feel lost before they started...I mean he isn't really all that special...at least he shouldn't be. -_-
So when asked I haven't been in a serious relationship before. I've just had shallow relationships. I feel like a punk for lying, but I must admit it can't be easy thinking that they have to compete against someone else.
I guess it is cool. My best friend doesn't talk about one certain ex with his wife. I mean for all she knows she is just a female from his past. She would not like to hear her name if she really knew the significance of her...SHE WOULD KILL!!!! :-D
So that is it...no one else will hear the story of Van. For apparently if they do they feel like they cannot compete. Which I still don't understand.
On other news one of my married friends came into the city to audition for broadway shows. She is a broadway performer and mini star. She actually asked me why years ago we never hooked up. Smh.
This is my life people. I'm not saying she wanted to sleep with me now, but I don't think it would be out of the question if I wanted to have sex. All I want is one person to love, cherish, and hold. I'm over the random people and hooking up. I'm over it.
Now back to these people. They did drive over here to see me and chill out. Otherwise I'd be home alone, and I need some human contact and some attention. I need to be dating again...I just accepted that I will be thinking of this man no matter what.
Just gotta push out the feelings and emotions and focus on someone and something else. Not that I want to...but I really don't.
One of them wants to start singing and harmonizing. I do need the practice and I love to sing with other people now. A gift that Van left with me.
J-Bo
Love vs. Attraction
I needed to sit down and have a real hard look at the feelings that I've been feeling.
I was thinking about what is the difference between love and attraction. Attraction comes and goes. It can be physical it can be intellectual and I guess it can be other things as well.
I've been mixing the two together. Love is something deep...lasting, and true. It is the thing that even though years have passed there is something still there. Attraction is different.
Attraction is fleeting. It can come and go. You see someone and they look attractive. You are at an event like TED talks and someone gives a speech and they are attractive because of what they say and how they say it.
Another aspect is one time I was attracted to a female pastor. Not because she was physically all that appealing, but because there was something about the way she delivered her message and what her message was all about.
I think about someone like Van. That to me was love.. I mean we were out, proud, open, bold, ready to commit. It's funny how I still hear stories of people saying how great our relationship was...smh.
One of the guys that I was having fun with decided he didn't want to be with me. It is the same guy who didn't like that fact that I was a singer and better musician than him. He also didn't like the fact that I was so well rounded that I knew about his area of expertise almost as much as him.
I told him that I used to want to be a scientist and bio geneticist. He didn't care. So that guy is gone...to be honest I was attracted to his looks and the fact that he made me feel good and hot.
He didn't like the fact that I still cared about and loved Van. I told him I could lie to him, but that would do nothing. I told him the truth and he didn't like it. I mean I am not with Van, but I still care about him.
My life won't be upset over losing this guy. He was nice and all, but obviously messed up. He gave me great flirts, and video chats, and such. But I gotta move on...
J-Bo
P.S. Past few days I've had people come to me for relationship advice. All the while I feel like a loser sometimes cause the person I want to be in a relationship with is gone. At least Van reignited my love for medicine and science. Meeting some interesting people in that world now. God where are you taking me?!?!?!? Enjoying the ride!!!! :-)
I was thinking about what is the difference between love and attraction. Attraction comes and goes. It can be physical it can be intellectual and I guess it can be other things as well.
I've been mixing the two together. Love is something deep...lasting, and true. It is the thing that even though years have passed there is something still there. Attraction is different.
Attraction is fleeting. It can come and go. You see someone and they look attractive. You are at an event like TED talks and someone gives a speech and they are attractive because of what they say and how they say it.
Another aspect is one time I was attracted to a female pastor. Not because she was physically all that appealing, but because there was something about the way she delivered her message and what her message was all about.
I think about someone like Van. That to me was love.. I mean we were out, proud, open, bold, ready to commit. It's funny how I still hear stories of people saying how great our relationship was...smh.
One of the guys that I was having fun with decided he didn't want to be with me. It is the same guy who didn't like that fact that I was a singer and better musician than him. He also didn't like the fact that I was so well rounded that I knew about his area of expertise almost as much as him.
I told him that I used to want to be a scientist and bio geneticist. He didn't care. So that guy is gone...to be honest I was attracted to his looks and the fact that he made me feel good and hot.
He didn't like the fact that I still cared about and loved Van. I told him I could lie to him, but that would do nothing. I told him the truth and he didn't like it. I mean I am not with Van, but I still care about him.
My life won't be upset over losing this guy. He was nice and all, but obviously messed up. He gave me great flirts, and video chats, and such. But I gotta move on...
J-Bo
P.S. Past few days I've had people come to me for relationship advice. All the while I feel like a loser sometimes cause the person I want to be in a relationship with is gone. At least Van reignited my love for medicine and science. Meeting some interesting people in that world now. God where are you taking me?!?!?!? Enjoying the ride!!!! :-)
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Notebook
So I have nothing really to update you guys on.
Things have been going very slow. Well today has been a super slow day...I didn't get much done. My fault. I was not motivated at all. I know...I suck.
But tomorrow is a new day and I am already doing some work now getting ready for tomorrow. Going to take a lil break when I watch Law & Order: SVU.
The reason I titled this post the Notebook was because it was on cable and I watched it. First time watching it. At first it was a very sad story, but the ending was very...interesting. Not sure how to feel about it, but I think I am more in the I love it camp.
I shouldn't have watched it...had me thinking and missing Van so much. I mean it actually had me flash back to some very nice times with him. Why do I keep thinking about him?? I was walking along the path in nature and I saw a baby beaver, and a few deer grazing in the grass.
I think that I have to get out these feelings and emotions in productive ways...I wrote a song about love. I let these strangers hear it at an open mike. I got a standing ovation, and there were tears. I think that this maybe the best thing for me...to get these feelings out.
I feel from what I saw in the Notebook was something that I can really relate to. 7 years they spent apart and then found each other again...through it all. :-)
I am a hopeless romantic.
Even now I wanna call him and talk to him. I wanna write him a letter. :-)
I won't though...I know that I should. I know the right thing to do is to fight for him...but. I'm scared...such a punk. I know.
Lemme finish this, watch this show, and then back to my bible.
J-Bo
Things have been going very slow. Well today has been a super slow day...I didn't get much done. My fault. I was not motivated at all. I know...I suck.
But tomorrow is a new day and I am already doing some work now getting ready for tomorrow. Going to take a lil break when I watch Law & Order: SVU.
The reason I titled this post the Notebook was because it was on cable and I watched it. First time watching it. At first it was a very sad story, but the ending was very...interesting. Not sure how to feel about it, but I think I am more in the I love it camp.
I shouldn't have watched it...had me thinking and missing Van so much. I mean it actually had me flash back to some very nice times with him. Why do I keep thinking about him?? I was walking along the path in nature and I saw a baby beaver, and a few deer grazing in the grass.
I think that I have to get out these feelings and emotions in productive ways...I wrote a song about love. I let these strangers hear it at an open mike. I got a standing ovation, and there were tears. I think that this maybe the best thing for me...to get these feelings out.
I feel from what I saw in the Notebook was something that I can really relate to. 7 years they spent apart and then found each other again...through it all. :-)
I am a hopeless romantic.
Even now I wanna call him and talk to him. I wanna write him a letter. :-)
I won't though...I know that I should. I know the right thing to do is to fight for him...but. I'm scared...such a punk. I know.
Lemme finish this, watch this show, and then back to my bible.
J-Bo
Monday, March 25, 2013
God Opened My Eyes
So yesterday was an awesome day.
I didn't make it to church because I had my brother and his girlfriend staying over, and I had to drive them home. I didn't want to rush them so I decided to miss morning service and made plans for evening service.
It was a play, but still it was good, and I got a good message talking to one of the elders.
It was also good that, that morning I had gotten blessed above and beyond, so when I went to church it was icing on top of the cake.
The good ting about yesterday is that I went to go see my friend whom I haven't seen in 7 years. She is married now, and it is funny cause we used to mess around a little bit. She is so awesome...she is a Broadway singer/performer and is in the city for auditions.
So I met up with her to talk and catch up, and she was a breath of fresh air. I have to make my way out to Michigan and go see her. Apparently she lives where Kelloggs is headquartered. She said that cause for the life of me I was confused where she lived. :-)
She kept saying she lived in a place called Kalamazo years ago...I swore she was lying.
It was so nice catching up with her, and just being in her presence. I cannot wait to see her again before she leaves. I am going to have her look at my performing resume and make sure everything is in order.
Gotta get them headshots!!!!!!
The other great thing that GOd did for me was allow me to meet up with my friend and his wife. Not only did we have a great time watching TV, but we also had a very stimulating conversation about church, politics, life, love, human rights, and sexuality.
Well I am not going to get into the whole conversation...and how it all went. That should be another 2 blog post.
But the bottom line on what God did to open my eyes is to tell me through that conversation that I should trust my heart.
I used to talk to people about LGBT and walking with God which is stupid cause God has never had a problem with his LGBT children. But I used to show that how the bible never really taught that, and show the proof.
But what I started to see was that no matter what people are going to see and hear what they want to see and hear. I mean people will always and have used the bible to do good and do harm. No matter what...that is not my intention.
My intention is show the true Spirit of God as a follower of Christ.
So now I tell people I could show you actual hardcore proof that shows what I am telling is the truth, but that doesn't do anything. I know lead from the heart and let God really use me. I instead of show how all their teachings are wrong or flawed, so how to be like Christ and lead from their hearts and consciousness.
I think that is where I went wrong with Van. I tried to show him things that he was not willing or ready to accept when it came to the bible. What I should've done was appealed to his spirit, heart, and humanity. That is what makes us all who we are...it is the thing that I loved the most about him.
I mean can anyone say that Christ would be around today and judge and condemn and treat people the way they are treated now?? I think now...I think that when we really ask WWJD (what would Jesus do?) that we have to face some things that we would rather not.
I mean just in that short time I can see me becoming a better leader, and a better visionary.
I just thank God for all he is doing in my life...for all he is and all he continues to do.
God bless and enjoy the rest of the day.
J-Bo
P.S. My best friend and I had a great convo about relationships and what I am looking for. We both agreed that Van had a lot of the things that would make him someone to look out for. Van was so good for me in so many ways and I him...but again that religious thing is no joke. I miss him, but I got work to do. I am putting the relationship stuff to the side and focusing on my career and finances and walk with God. I do miss him and more as a friend than anything, but I am sure whatever happens God is already working it out. :-)
P.P.S. Can you imagine me doing radio, TV, and internet interviews?!?!?! Just wait...soon I'm going to be everywhere baby!!!!!
I didn't make it to church because I had my brother and his girlfriend staying over, and I had to drive them home. I didn't want to rush them so I decided to miss morning service and made plans for evening service.
It was a play, but still it was good, and I got a good message talking to one of the elders.
It was also good that, that morning I had gotten blessed above and beyond, so when I went to church it was icing on top of the cake.
The good ting about yesterday is that I went to go see my friend whom I haven't seen in 7 years. She is married now, and it is funny cause we used to mess around a little bit. She is so awesome...she is a Broadway singer/performer and is in the city for auditions.
So I met up with her to talk and catch up, and she was a breath of fresh air. I have to make my way out to Michigan and go see her. Apparently she lives where Kelloggs is headquartered. She said that cause for the life of me I was confused where she lived. :-)
She kept saying she lived in a place called Kalamazo years ago...I swore she was lying.
It was so nice catching up with her, and just being in her presence. I cannot wait to see her again before she leaves. I am going to have her look at my performing resume and make sure everything is in order.
Gotta get them headshots!!!!!!
The other great thing that GOd did for me was allow me to meet up with my friend and his wife. Not only did we have a great time watching TV, but we also had a very stimulating conversation about church, politics, life, love, human rights, and sexuality.
Well I am not going to get into the whole conversation...and how it all went. That should be another 2 blog post.
But the bottom line on what God did to open my eyes is to tell me through that conversation that I should trust my heart.
I used to talk to people about LGBT and walking with God which is stupid cause God has never had a problem with his LGBT children. But I used to show that how the bible never really taught that, and show the proof.
But what I started to see was that no matter what people are going to see and hear what they want to see and hear. I mean people will always and have used the bible to do good and do harm. No matter what...that is not my intention.
My intention is show the true Spirit of God as a follower of Christ.
So now I tell people I could show you actual hardcore proof that shows what I am telling is the truth, but that doesn't do anything. I know lead from the heart and let God really use me. I instead of show how all their teachings are wrong or flawed, so how to be like Christ and lead from their hearts and consciousness.
I think that is where I went wrong with Van. I tried to show him things that he was not willing or ready to accept when it came to the bible. What I should've done was appealed to his spirit, heart, and humanity. That is what makes us all who we are...it is the thing that I loved the most about him.
I mean can anyone say that Christ would be around today and judge and condemn and treat people the way they are treated now?? I think now...I think that when we really ask WWJD (what would Jesus do?) that we have to face some things that we would rather not.
I mean just in that short time I can see me becoming a better leader, and a better visionary.
I just thank God for all he is doing in my life...for all he is and all he continues to do.
God bless and enjoy the rest of the day.
J-Bo
P.S. My best friend and I had a great convo about relationships and what I am looking for. We both agreed that Van had a lot of the things that would make him someone to look out for. Van was so good for me in so many ways and I him...but again that religious thing is no joke. I miss him, but I got work to do. I am putting the relationship stuff to the side and focusing on my career and finances and walk with God. I do miss him and more as a friend than anything, but I am sure whatever happens God is already working it out. :-)
P.P.S. Can you imagine me doing radio, TV, and internet interviews?!?!?! Just wait...soon I'm going to be everywhere baby!!!!!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
I Serve An Awesome God
I just want this post to be all about how good God is. It's going to be short cause...well...I can't put into words all that I am grateful for.
I just want you all to know that you are appreciated...you are loved...you are cherished.
There is nothing wrong with you, cause God doesn't make mistakes.
I prayed and asked God to let me see the world as he sees...to see what he sees in his people. It was beautiful and it was sad at the same time.
We are so blessed and loved, yet so many of us run away from that of whom he has called us to be. We are running to what is familiar and safe instead of bold and daring. God doesn't call us to be in a box and be like everyone else.
No one can dance your dance...sing your song...love the way you love.
I could throw out scripture after scripture (well I could paraphrase scripture after scripture) but it isn't my style. :-)
So now I am off to sleep, and then it is church in the morning...not sure if I will make it in time, but I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll be back in the city soon enough...I am off to races people!!!
J-Bo
I just want you all to know that you are appreciated...you are loved...you are cherished.
There is nothing wrong with you, cause God doesn't make mistakes.
I prayed and asked God to let me see the world as he sees...to see what he sees in his people. It was beautiful and it was sad at the same time.
We are so blessed and loved, yet so many of us run away from that of whom he has called us to be. We are running to what is familiar and safe instead of bold and daring. God doesn't call us to be in a box and be like everyone else.
No one can dance your dance...sing your song...love the way you love.
I could throw out scripture after scripture (well I could paraphrase scripture after scripture) but it isn't my style. :-)
So now I am off to sleep, and then it is church in the morning...not sure if I will make it in time, but I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll be back in the city soon enough...I am off to races people!!!
J-Bo
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Viral Video About Heartbreaking Gay Marriage Tragedy
I wasn't going to post again today, but I had to share this.
This moved me to my core. Sad thing is that it made me think and feel of all my exes, but it focused on the only one I ever loved and truly wanted.
From all the people in my life...I would never think it would be a youngin' who didn't know anything, and who came from a controlling family. AND A VIRGIN AT THAT!!! But God had something in his mind when he did what he did.
This video kinda hit home, and put things into perspective. I want this again...this feeling. That love and devotion. The only thing that is coming to me is one time Van told me he would marry tonight, he just needs to get past his mess. He said if he could get past it he could be happy, in love, with a family, friends, and a life that people would die for.
God you need to do something. I need something...PLEASE!!!
Anyway enough of my ranting. I can only do it here. Everyone else has to believe I don't think or care about Van. Gotta stay strong and keep a stoic face.
Here is the website, and here is the video:
http://newzar.com/heartbreaking-video-on-gay-marriage-goes-viral/?fb_action_ids=3755248646329&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=246965925417366
J-Bo
This moved me to my core. Sad thing is that it made me think and feel of all my exes, but it focused on the only one I ever loved and truly wanted.
From all the people in my life...I would never think it would be a youngin' who didn't know anything, and who came from a controlling family. AND A VIRGIN AT THAT!!! But God had something in his mind when he did what he did.
This video kinda hit home, and put things into perspective. I want this again...this feeling. That love and devotion. The only thing that is coming to me is one time Van told me he would marry tonight, he just needs to get past his mess. He said if he could get past it he could be happy, in love, with a family, friends, and a life that people would die for.
God you need to do something. I need something...PLEASE!!!
Anyway enough of my ranting. I can only do it here. Everyone else has to believe I don't think or care about Van. Gotta stay strong and keep a stoic face.
Here is the website, and here is the video:
http://newzar.com/heartbreaking-video-on-gay-marriage-goes-viral/?fb_action_ids=3755248646329&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=246965925417366
J-Bo
WHERE ARE THE REAL MASCULINE MEN?!?!?!
WHERE ARE THE REAL MASCULINE MEN?!?!?!
I SWEAR I AM DONE WITH MEN!!!!
Is it just me or all men so damn feminine. I mean where all the men are that are men. Just give me something.
I'm not saying I want a thug...not at all. But a MAN!!!! A man who is a man...a masculine man!!! Nothing against the fems...but DAMN!!!!!
I am done...I am just looking for love with a real man. You cannot tell me that the most masculine man I'm ever going to be in love with is Van. The funny thing is that he never wanted me to be with any other man.
He always said he wants me to be the last man he is ever with and the last one I am ever with. He may get his wish if all these niggas don't start acting like men.
I think I am going to take a break from men for awhile...time for the women!!!
Also I hate that men say that they are masculine and that they are fem as HELL!!!!
Lord please send me some real men...someone that is masculine, but also in touch with their feminine side is good too. The reverse is true for women. Gimme someone who is feminine, but also in touch with the masculine side. I like that mix.
At the very least I am gaining a lot of friends and contacts. And I could always use more friends and contacts. :-)
J-Bo
I SWEAR I AM DONE WITH MEN!!!!
Is it just me or all men so damn feminine. I mean where all the men are that are men. Just give me something.
I'm not saying I want a thug...not at all. But a MAN!!!! A man who is a man...a masculine man!!! Nothing against the fems...but DAMN!!!!!
I am done...I am just looking for love with a real man. You cannot tell me that the most masculine man I'm ever going to be in love with is Van. The funny thing is that he never wanted me to be with any other man.
He always said he wants me to be the last man he is ever with and the last one I am ever with. He may get his wish if all these niggas don't start acting like men.
I think I am going to take a break from men for awhile...time for the women!!!
Also I hate that men say that they are masculine and that they are fem as HELL!!!!
Lord please send me some real men...someone that is masculine, but also in touch with their feminine side is good too. The reverse is true for women. Gimme someone who is feminine, but also in touch with the masculine side. I like that mix.
At the very least I am gaining a lot of friends and contacts. And I could always use more friends and contacts. :-)
J-Bo
Stressed the FUCK OUT!!!
So I am sitting here with people calling me to buy properties and businesses like it is nothing. That is starting to overwhelm me and drive me a little crazy. I gotta make a move and do something...it's just I am kinda scared as to what the hell to do.
I know what to do, but feel frozen by fear. What can I say...happens to the best of us.
On the other side I got these auditions and competitions and so much other stuff to do. Lord I need a break!!!
Now I know I can and must handle it all...it's just that this is an interesting period of my life.
Guys I don't know what else to say, but pray for me. Things are just so damn BIG!!!! On top of it I got people coming up to me, and I am thinking about dating, but I don't really wanna date, cause I am still in love with Van.
But that's pointless.
So I figure the few men and women who want to talk to me I should do it. I mean that is the best way to get over an ex...especially an ex that I was engaged to.
Off to do some more work. Cannot wait for tonight. Going to watch Glee, Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and there is an opera being shown today...kinda wanna watch it, but I may have to record it.
J-Bo
I know what to do, but feel frozen by fear. What can I say...happens to the best of us.
On the other side I got these auditions and competitions and so much other stuff to do. Lord I need a break!!!
Now I know I can and must handle it all...it's just that this is an interesting period of my life.
Guys I don't know what else to say, but pray for me. Things are just so damn BIG!!!! On top of it I got people coming up to me, and I am thinking about dating, but I don't really wanna date, cause I am still in love with Van.
But that's pointless.
So I figure the few men and women who want to talk to me I should do it. I mean that is the best way to get over an ex...especially an ex that I was engaged to.
Off to do some more work. Cannot wait for tonight. Going to watch Glee, Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and there is an opera being shown today...kinda wanna watch it, but I may have to record it.
J-Bo
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Today Was An Exhausting One For Sure
So today was kinda boring.
All I did was talk to business brokers, real estate brokers, attorneys, and accountants.
It was good cause I am getting practice, but it was tiring. Business is fun and exciting, but sometimes it can be very slow.
On other news I am going to be getting some head shots soon. It's about time, cause I need them done. I gotta go to these auditions and competitions better prepared. :-)
Now that I think about it, I have some competitions and auditions to get ready for. :-P
On a side note Van texted me about a possible music gig. That was the highlight of my day. I couldn't take it because I have a previous engagement, but it was real nice of him. I felt really tempted to call him or at least text back and forth some more.
I just wanted to find out how med school process is going...if he is going or going to go to a program first and then med school. I wanted to know how he is doing and honestly that is it. I swear it is...just wanted to see how things have been over the past couple of months.
I also wonder if I have things that are appropriate for him should I let him know. I just assume he is going to say no...he always says no. Maybe that has changed.
Lemme stop thinking and talking about him...starting to miss him.
In other news I am in the city at school tomorrow. Gotta SING!!!!! :-) My voice has been at 80% with these weather changes. No bueno.
Time for bed...gotta get up at 4am. Night ppl.
J-Bo
All I did was talk to business brokers, real estate brokers, attorneys, and accountants.
It was good cause I am getting practice, but it was tiring. Business is fun and exciting, but sometimes it can be very slow.
On other news I am going to be getting some head shots soon. It's about time, cause I need them done. I gotta go to these auditions and competitions better prepared. :-)
Now that I think about it, I have some competitions and auditions to get ready for. :-P
On a side note Van texted me about a possible music gig. That was the highlight of my day. I couldn't take it because I have a previous engagement, but it was real nice of him. I felt really tempted to call him or at least text back and forth some more.
I just wanted to find out how med school process is going...if he is going or going to go to a program first and then med school. I wanted to know how he is doing and honestly that is it. I swear it is...just wanted to see how things have been over the past couple of months.
I also wonder if I have things that are appropriate for him should I let him know. I just assume he is going to say no...he always says no. Maybe that has changed.
Lemme stop thinking and talking about him...starting to miss him.
In other news I am in the city at school tomorrow. Gotta SING!!!!! :-) My voice has been at 80% with these weather changes. No bueno.
Time for bed...gotta get up at 4am. Night ppl.
J-Bo
The Nerve of Some People
So I think I have lost another person who I am dating. Well I should say was dating. Here is the thing she was mad cool and mad down to earth.
I know that you guys are probably rolling your eyes at me for it being a woman, but she was like super model porn star hot. So don't judge me!!!! :-)
So this chick and I were talking about our exes. She asked me so I told her and she told me about her ex. Funny thing is that her ex is a woman and mine is a man. Kinda ironic. It is true...the really hot ones are gay. :-D
So here is the problem...she was bashing her ex. I didn't like that, but it was whatever. Then she started digging for dirt on Van. She wanted to see pics of him and know about him. I of course told her I have no pics and he is dead so it doesn't matter.
She started to get on me and say all sorts of things like men like me. -_-
I was 2 seconds from exploding.
I mean the only bad thing I can say about Van is that he is a runner. That and he is super religious and he has been on record as telling me that religion means more than spirituality. That is the only thing that I don't like, but to each his own.
I told her that when he talks to other guys he will go through the back and forth, and he will have to deal with his feelings for his whole life since he finds them wrong. Its the same as a black man not wanting to be black, and trying to hide and lie about it. God don't make no mistakes and he will have his way sooner or later. :-)
That wasn't enough for her. She wanted me to hate him. I told her I don't hate him. I was where he used to be. I was always fighting, and lying, and hiding, and working so hard to be right. I cannot believe how long it took me to realize that I was right. Thank God for favor. ;-)
So I of course had to lay it down and tell her what was what. I said I would never hate him. In fact I think about him all the time. That I love him and will always love him even though he isn't part of my life. She didn't understand. So I had to spend 30 minutes helping her through all her angst and hate. She had so much childhood drama...that was not fun working through.
Funny how I can help everyone except those that mean the most to me...that and me not being help to others to help me. God has to work on that.
So I have a few other people who have been talking to me for dates and to hang out. One guy wants to hang out this weekend, and go to the movies. I said why not...it's been awhile since I've been. Another girl wants to hang out before church on Sunday. I said that leaves us for a short coffee date, but that could work.
So I am out there dating and having fun. Actually I am out there to get over the one that ran away.
The guy I should be seeing this weekend who all my friends make fun of me about is a little concerned. They make fun of me cause they say he looks like a spanish version of Van. I don't see it, but they do. I swear they are trying to fuck with me. The only similarities are they both sing, both ministers of music, both gay, both big families, both from divorced households, but this guys has a level of spiritual and emotional maturity that Van does have, but it was never consistent...at least from what I saw.
So my mom leaves on Saturday and I got the place all to myself. I cannot wait...maybe have the guys over, but I think I am going to be alone for a few days. Kinda wanna be in a quiet, reflective, meditative place. Me and God time for at least the first day or so.
I know for a fact that the guy who Van probably thinks he has fallen in love with (smh) he has went as far as showing him my pictures. I am not that mad...just kinda ironic he is worried about me spreading around who he is, and he is doing that.
He has outed me numerous times...and I must say each time was funny and annoying at the same time. Lol...good memories.
I have a few songs that I am writing that has been inspired by the past few months and some past events. Even some current ones. I cannot wait to get them down and get back to performing. I got some BFA fam that are waiting and willing to come out and support and step up. God thank you for blessing me everywhere I go.
J-Bo
P.S. I gotta raise more money for these real estate and business acquisition deals. They are coming fast and hard, but the money is coming in. A lot actually. God keep my feet steady and eyes and ears on you.
P.P.S. Someone wants me to record a collection of Arias, classical songs, and popular tunes. Also some broadway tunes. Talk about gotta get busy.
P.P.P.S. One of the guys I am talking to is going to med school. Actually some in between school at Ohio where you go for a year and if you do good enough then you can go to med school. He is telling me all about it. I'd love to visit...I have family out there, and I need to do more traveling.
I know that you guys are probably rolling your eyes at me for it being a woman, but she was like super model porn star hot. So don't judge me!!!! :-)
So this chick and I were talking about our exes. She asked me so I told her and she told me about her ex. Funny thing is that her ex is a woman and mine is a man. Kinda ironic. It is true...the really hot ones are gay. :-D
So here is the problem...she was bashing her ex. I didn't like that, but it was whatever. Then she started digging for dirt on Van. She wanted to see pics of him and know about him. I of course told her I have no pics and he is dead so it doesn't matter.
She started to get on me and say all sorts of things like men like me. -_-
I was 2 seconds from exploding.
I mean the only bad thing I can say about Van is that he is a runner. That and he is super religious and he has been on record as telling me that religion means more than spirituality. That is the only thing that I don't like, but to each his own.
I told her that when he talks to other guys he will go through the back and forth, and he will have to deal with his feelings for his whole life since he finds them wrong. Its the same as a black man not wanting to be black, and trying to hide and lie about it. God don't make no mistakes and he will have his way sooner or later. :-)
That wasn't enough for her. She wanted me to hate him. I told her I don't hate him. I was where he used to be. I was always fighting, and lying, and hiding, and working so hard to be right. I cannot believe how long it took me to realize that I was right. Thank God for favor. ;-)
So I of course had to lay it down and tell her what was what. I said I would never hate him. In fact I think about him all the time. That I love him and will always love him even though he isn't part of my life. She didn't understand. So I had to spend 30 minutes helping her through all her angst and hate. She had so much childhood drama...that was not fun working through.
Funny how I can help everyone except those that mean the most to me...that and me not being help to others to help me. God has to work on that.
So I have a few other people who have been talking to me for dates and to hang out. One guy wants to hang out this weekend, and go to the movies. I said why not...it's been awhile since I've been. Another girl wants to hang out before church on Sunday. I said that leaves us for a short coffee date, but that could work.
So I am out there dating and having fun. Actually I am out there to get over the one that ran away.
The guy I should be seeing this weekend who all my friends make fun of me about is a little concerned. They make fun of me cause they say he looks like a spanish version of Van. I don't see it, but they do. I swear they are trying to fuck with me. The only similarities are they both sing, both ministers of music, both gay, both big families, both from divorced households, but this guys has a level of spiritual and emotional maturity that Van does have, but it was never consistent...at least from what I saw.
So my mom leaves on Saturday and I got the place all to myself. I cannot wait...maybe have the guys over, but I think I am going to be alone for a few days. Kinda wanna be in a quiet, reflective, meditative place. Me and God time for at least the first day or so.
I know for a fact that the guy who Van probably thinks he has fallen in love with (smh) he has went as far as showing him my pictures. I am not that mad...just kinda ironic he is worried about me spreading around who he is, and he is doing that.
He has outed me numerous times...and I must say each time was funny and annoying at the same time. Lol...good memories.
I have a few songs that I am writing that has been inspired by the past few months and some past events. Even some current ones. I cannot wait to get them down and get back to performing. I got some BFA fam that are waiting and willing to come out and support and step up. God thank you for blessing me everywhere I go.
J-Bo
P.S. I gotta raise more money for these real estate and business acquisition deals. They are coming fast and hard, but the money is coming in. A lot actually. God keep my feet steady and eyes and ears on you.
P.P.S. Someone wants me to record a collection of Arias, classical songs, and popular tunes. Also some broadway tunes. Talk about gotta get busy.
P.P.P.S. One of the guys I am talking to is going to med school. Actually some in between school at Ohio where you go for a year and if you do good enough then you can go to med school. He is telling me all about it. I'd love to visit...I have family out there, and I need to do more traveling.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Western Healthcare/Medicine Doesn't Have All The Answers
Just some shocking facts that have been very disturbing to me as of late. I am trying to get people to open their eyes. Our health isn't a game, but we are treating it like it is.
There are all sorts of nontraditional healing methods that are frowned upon in Western medical institutions and traditions.
I will give you a few examples:
United States of America maybe the most unhealthy nation on the industrialized planet.
I just want people to open their eyes and start paying attention. We get so complacent and relaxed in what we feel is right without ever questioning anything. I pray for this country that I love.
J-Bo
There are all sorts of nontraditional healing methods that are frowned upon in Western medical institutions and traditions.
I will give you a few examples:
- There are doctors in the US and Europe that have treat ulcerative colitis with whipworm eggs!!
- We use to scoff at maggots to eat bacteria, but now it is mainstream. (Severe Burn Victims know of this most of all)
- In Scotland they are using human feces to treat certain strains of C. Diff. C. Diff is known as C. Difficile, or Clostridium Difficile a bacterium of the human instestines.
- Simply changing your eating habits from the Standard American Diet to a more plant based raw one can stop and even revert diseases such as High Blood Pressure, Cancer, Diabetes, Obesity, and more.
United States of America maybe the most unhealthy nation on the industrialized planet.
- 1/3 of all our people are obese
- 10% of all our people suffer from diabetes
- We are 25th in the world in preventing heart disease
- We are 7th in Cancer
- 27th in life expectancy
I just want people to open their eyes and start paying attention. We get so complacent and relaxed in what we feel is right without ever questioning anything. I pray for this country that I love.
J-Bo
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Insanity
Some people like to say that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again the same way expecting different results. I am inclined to agree.
I know it isn't in the dictionary, but still...the definition works in my book...especially for what it is that I want to talk about.
Why is that so many people think that being gay is something that 1) can be changed, and 2) needs to be changed?!?!?!
I am so tired of this. You would think that people would get it. Science has proved it is as natural occurring as the seasons. Psychology proved that it is as common as someone born left handed. There is even biblical and historical proof that LGBT isn't an issue and the current translations in the bible have a serious flaw in them.
It amazes me how smart, intelligent, and bright individuals are so keen to accept developments in science, technology, human development and more. I mean we have come so far, but it seems that the one thing that people cannot accept is the changes in the Bible.
But the trick is to see that there are no changes in the Bible. It is just in our way of thinking that needs to change. The bible talks about a renewing of our minds...the thing is that most people think that changing/renewing of our minds means to stay stuck to old ways of thinking.
It is a weird phenom.
So that is one of the principalities and strong holds that I am fighting. What would happen if people realize that maybe just maybe their sexualities are right. That there is nothing wrong with them...it is a human problem. Not a God problem.
Jesus help us all.
Another thing that makes this very evident is when I tell "Christians" that I pray and mediate. I always get a look on the meditate part...until that is I tell them that bible makes over 30 references to meditation.
Of course it is a completely lost art for most Christians because they were brought up to believe that it is wrong and of the devil which is far from true. Sometimes it feels like why fight...why stand up and say anything.
But that is not the right spirit. Gotta stay strong and powerful. :-)
Praying for grace and mercy. Now officially off to bed. Till the morning for my morning cartoons and then to work. My dad is leaving the country on Monday and my mom follows the following Saturday. I get the house to myself.
Can't help but think Van would love it up here...maybe I'll invite the guys down here or maybe the girls? Or maybe the guys and the girls. We'll see.
J-Bo
I know it isn't in the dictionary, but still...the definition works in my book...especially for what it is that I want to talk about.
Why is that so many people think that being gay is something that 1) can be changed, and 2) needs to be changed?!?!?!
I am so tired of this. You would think that people would get it. Science has proved it is as natural occurring as the seasons. Psychology proved that it is as common as someone born left handed. There is even biblical and historical proof that LGBT isn't an issue and the current translations in the bible have a serious flaw in them.
It amazes me how smart, intelligent, and bright individuals are so keen to accept developments in science, technology, human development and more. I mean we have come so far, but it seems that the one thing that people cannot accept is the changes in the Bible.
But the trick is to see that there are no changes in the Bible. It is just in our way of thinking that needs to change. The bible talks about a renewing of our minds...the thing is that most people think that changing/renewing of our minds means to stay stuck to old ways of thinking.
It is a weird phenom.
So that is one of the principalities and strong holds that I am fighting. What would happen if people realize that maybe just maybe their sexualities are right. That there is nothing wrong with them...it is a human problem. Not a God problem.
Jesus help us all.
Another thing that makes this very evident is when I tell "Christians" that I pray and mediate. I always get a look on the meditate part...until that is I tell them that bible makes over 30 references to meditation.
Of course it is a completely lost art for most Christians because they were brought up to believe that it is wrong and of the devil which is far from true. Sometimes it feels like why fight...why stand up and say anything.
But that is not the right spirit. Gotta stay strong and powerful. :-)
Praying for grace and mercy. Now officially off to bed. Till the morning for my morning cartoons and then to work. My dad is leaving the country on Monday and my mom follows the following Saturday. I get the house to myself.
Can't help but think Van would love it up here...maybe I'll invite the guys down here or maybe the girls? Or maybe the guys and the girls. We'll see.
J-Bo
Friday, March 15, 2013
Viral Letter of a Dad's Love Letter to His Gay Son
I got turned onto this by one of my friends. It was so simple yet so powerful and beautiful.
I know that this is the kind of thing that makes God smile. This is the kind of thing that Jesus meant when he preached and taught all of his lessons. This was the kind of thing that men, women, and children are dying for today...AGAPE LOVE!!!
Here is the letter in a nutshell and then I am going to give you the link to the website.
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-s-love-letter-to-gay-teenage-son-goes-viral-174541783.html
I know that this is the kind of thing that makes God smile. This is the kind of thing that Jesus meant when he preached and taught all of his lessons. This was the kind of thing that men, women, and children are dying for today...AGAPE LOVE!!!
Here is the letter in a nutshell and then I am going to give you the link to the website.
------------------------------------------
Nate,
I overheard your conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ (orange juice) and bread after class. We are out like you now.
I've known you were gay since you were six. I've loved you since you were born.
- Dad
P.S. Your mom and I think that you and Mike make a cute couple.
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-s-love-letter-to-gay-teenage-son-goes-viral-174541783.html
------------------------------------------
I think that is the best thing that I've read or seen in a long time. I've always said parents know their kids, but some choose to see it and some don't but parents know their children. For any parent who says they didn't know about their kids sexuality is a bad parent in my mind.
Or maybe not. At the very least it speaks to you not being a very present and attentive parent. I mean I know that you have to put food on the table, but if you miss something like that than maybe you should think about your priorities.
Now I just finished watching Spartacus and I am feeling real good and alive. Thinking about going out tonight. Not that there is anything to do up here really since I don't drink like that...but I am down for some dancing. Lord knows I need to get rid of this excess sexual energy in a healthy way.
J-Bo
P.S. Want to share this with you guys. His music and his arrangements are on point. I LOVE IT!!!!!
P.S. Want to share this with you guys. His music and his arrangements are on point. I LOVE IT!!!!!
Relationship Advice Relearned
Choose the person who makes you better...not the better person.
What I mean by that is you will meet people on paper that seem great. Great job, great money, family, and more. They seem like the best and most likely choice, because you know if you take them around people you will be able to just let them be.
One way to think of this is being with someone who matches your list down to a T.
But the other side of it is someone who also has a lot of what you want and need, but they bring out the best in you. They challenge you. They never accept or allow you to settle and just be. They push you to be more, do more, accomplish more. They help you look at the world in new exciting ways.
I cannot think of anything more dreadful than seeing the world the same way 5 years from now than I do today. I also cannot think of something more horrible than being with someone who doesn't challenge you, push you, and make you grow.
That is one thing my father always said to look for. Someone who can be a partner and an asset. Not someone who is great for looks, or someone who is good for the moment.
That is all for now. Time for a nap...TIRED!!!
J-Bo
What I mean by that is you will meet people on paper that seem great. Great job, great money, family, and more. They seem like the best and most likely choice, because you know if you take them around people you will be able to just let them be.
One way to think of this is being with someone who matches your list down to a T.
But the other side of it is someone who also has a lot of what you want and need, but they bring out the best in you. They challenge you. They never accept or allow you to settle and just be. They push you to be more, do more, accomplish more. They help you look at the world in new exciting ways.
I cannot think of anything more dreadful than seeing the world the same way 5 years from now than I do today. I also cannot think of something more horrible than being with someone who doesn't challenge you, push you, and make you grow.
That is one thing my father always said to look for. Someone who can be a partner and an asset. Not someone who is great for looks, or someone who is good for the moment.
That is all for now. Time for a nap...TIRED!!!
J-Bo
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Grandchildren and Concerts
So this is going to be fast and quick cause I have to get into a meeting with some potential backers. It's going to give me the chance to raise a substantial amount of money for this business.
But after seeing my father and mother with my new baby cousin I can see how they would love to be grandparents. Of course I am no where near ready to have a child but I am seeing another added bonus.
Mommy and daddy acting the fool and falling in love with the little ones. So whether it is trough adoption, a surrogate, or I actually knock someone up I look forward to that day.
Speaking of knocking someone up I have met a few women that have really been speaking to me. The only thing is that I am mostly into men.
I mean I love women but lets be honest. Still it's been awhile since I've dated a woman and I am thinking about it. Just because of the nostalgia. When I think of settling down it will always be the men...took me a long time and a lot of prayer to get there.
On the other side of things I have been asked to do a concert and perform with some people. Stepping up my game!!!! :-)
That and another BFA fam member we call the director wants me to do a series of spiritual concerts with her. Solos, duets, and maybe more.
That is all for now.
Things are so looking up...even though it is like moving a freight train. It is what it is.
Ttyl.
J-Bo
P.S. There is a building I am negotiating for in BK thy will net me 6 figures a year. Pray for me cause I am going for the big times.
But after seeing my father and mother with my new baby cousin I can see how they would love to be grandparents. Of course I am no where near ready to have a child but I am seeing another added bonus.
Mommy and daddy acting the fool and falling in love with the little ones. So whether it is trough adoption, a surrogate, or I actually knock someone up I look forward to that day.
Speaking of knocking someone up I have met a few women that have really been speaking to me. The only thing is that I am mostly into men.
I mean I love women but lets be honest. Still it's been awhile since I've dated a woman and I am thinking about it. Just because of the nostalgia. When I think of settling down it will always be the men...took me a long time and a lot of prayer to get there.
On the other side of things I have been asked to do a concert and perform with some people. Stepping up my game!!!! :-)
That and another BFA fam member we call the director wants me to do a series of spiritual concerts with her. Solos, duets, and maybe more.
That is all for now.
Things are so looking up...even though it is like moving a freight train. It is what it is.
Ttyl.
J-Bo
P.S. There is a building I am negotiating for in BK thy will net me 6 figures a year. Pray for me cause I am going for the big times.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Gotta Be Honest
So I have to admit something. I was with someone early this morning. She was cooking me breakfast, and she wanted to have sex. This is someone that I used to be with in the past, so it was nothing new. But I thought about it, and I stopped before it went that far.
I care about her, but not in that way. Not anymore at least.
I don't want to sleep around with random people. I know before I said that I was looking for some fuck buddies, but that was just the hurt and lust in me talking. Now I still want sex, and I wanna be in a relationship. I just have to wait till I am dating someone worth it.
So I now have to decide since I am single will I be going back to both men and women. I know some of you will be like why waste my time with women if I don't feel them like that, but I kinda miss women a little. So why not.
That is the topic for this blog post. Not going to be sleeping around cause I don't really want to. I like the feel of being with someone who loves me and wants to be with me. So until then I will date, but no sex unless I see some type of future with the person.
Now I am going to take a nap and then to work. I got some songs to learn and a voice lesson.
Pray for me...so many people are expecting and planning on very big things to come from and through me. It is all so daunting and kinda intimidating. I of course show a front of being strong and nothing can touch me, but to be honest I am very scared and worried about the future.
So much I don't know what is going to happen, but that is part of the journey and adventure, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
J-Bo
P.S. I don't think I was ever going to just sleep around. I don't want that anymore. I mean sometimes I miss the fun and freakiness of it all, but the risk of disease isn't worth it. Also I think it is that something about being with one person that is so much more special than many. It is harder to be with that one and I respect it more.
P.P.S. Looking forward to my international trip. I NEED A BIG CHANGE!!
I care about her, but not in that way. Not anymore at least.
I don't want to sleep around with random people. I know before I said that I was looking for some fuck buddies, but that was just the hurt and lust in me talking. Now I still want sex, and I wanna be in a relationship. I just have to wait till I am dating someone worth it.
So I now have to decide since I am single will I be going back to both men and women. I know some of you will be like why waste my time with women if I don't feel them like that, but I kinda miss women a little. So why not.
That is the topic for this blog post. Not going to be sleeping around cause I don't really want to. I like the feel of being with someone who loves me and wants to be with me. So until then I will date, but no sex unless I see some type of future with the person.
Now I am going to take a nap and then to work. I got some songs to learn and a voice lesson.
Pray for me...so many people are expecting and planning on very big things to come from and through me. It is all so daunting and kinda intimidating. I of course show a front of being strong and nothing can touch me, but to be honest I am very scared and worried about the future.
So much I don't know what is going to happen, but that is part of the journey and adventure, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
J-Bo
P.S. I don't think I was ever going to just sleep around. I don't want that anymore. I mean sometimes I miss the fun and freakiness of it all, but the risk of disease isn't worth it. Also I think it is that something about being with one person that is so much more special than many. It is harder to be with that one and I respect it more.
P.P.S. Looking forward to my international trip. I NEED A BIG CHANGE!!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Trouble Among the Vocalist
So I am getting phone calls and texts of nothing but drama coming from my old campus and the voice department. The head of the department who can't teach voice worth a damn is going above and beyond to kick out the top talent.
I am going to be there tomorrow cause I have work to do and I have music to perform. I need to see what the hell is going on and see what it is that I can do to help and keep the peace.
So I am going to be there from 7am to 7pm and then the drive home.
I gotta see what it is that I can do.
I am reaching the point where all I want is some rest. My best girl friend went to Antigua for a few weeks, another guy friend is going down to Virginia. My parents are going to Barbados and then Trinidad, and I am suppose to be going to Italy this summer.
But the summer isn't coming fast enough. I just met a guy online who is med school. He is going to Johns Hopkins and we talked for awhile. He made me think of Van and what is going on with him. I do wonder how things are going with him.
If he wants to get incontact with me he can. There are a number of ways to get in contact with me if needed.
So let me get ready for tomorrow. Gotta pack some stuff...like my music. I gotta get ready to SING!!!! :-)
Got auditions and competitions coming up...need to get ready.
God bless!!
J-Bo
I am going to be there tomorrow cause I have work to do and I have music to perform. I need to see what the hell is going on and see what it is that I can do to help and keep the peace.
So I am going to be there from 7am to 7pm and then the drive home.
I gotta see what it is that I can do.
I am reaching the point where all I want is some rest. My best girl friend went to Antigua for a few weeks, another guy friend is going down to Virginia. My parents are going to Barbados and then Trinidad, and I am suppose to be going to Italy this summer.
But the summer isn't coming fast enough. I just met a guy online who is med school. He is going to Johns Hopkins and we talked for awhile. He made me think of Van and what is going on with him. I do wonder how things are going with him.
If he wants to get incontact with me he can. There are a number of ways to get in contact with me if needed.
So let me get ready for tomorrow. Gotta pack some stuff...like my music. I gotta get ready to SING!!!! :-)
Got auditions and competitions coming up...need to get ready.
God bless!!
J-Bo
Monday, March 11, 2013
Update...Nothing Big Yet
So things have been pretty good as of late. I don't have any big news, but things are getting better. I have decided to become a substitute teacher while I work on my other things. I don't want to be without anymore and this will help me stay afloat.
Some friends wanted to get together in the city and go to karaoke, but I didn't make it. I didn't feel like going out without the ez-pass and my parents didn't get home till late. I wouldn't get into the city until 2am and then that leaves me till only 3am to have fun.
Not worth it.
I was going to stay at somebodies house. There is this guy and girl that I've just been talking to that said I could stay the night if I wanted. They told me that if I needed to rest my head for the night I was more than welcome.
I'm not really feeling them, and they woulda wanted sex. I don't want to have sex with them.
For some reason my ex has been on my mind a lot. Either I've been missing him or I've thinking of him with other men.
I don't know why he is so on my mind. I really don't. I was talking to my friends that don't know anything about him just to talk it out.
They were all nice, but one of them did tell me that since he was the one who broke it off that it is clear that he doesn't love me or care about me. I don't believe that...or I don't want to believe it.
I have to remember that he is with someone else, that he is happy and in love with someone else, and that he doesn't even consider me a friend.
Also my cousin whom I do love, but the man does seem to bring and cause trouble is back in prison. Or that is what he told me at least.
So that is all there is for the most part. I know that there is more that I am doing, but nothing that I think is big enough to tell right now.
I am running and operating about 5 different businesses right now...and it is very nerve racking, but I do nothing that is not big. When I start teaching I won't have as much free time, but that isn't an excuse.
Just wait and see things are happening. :-)
Pray for me you guys...and also please pray that if it was so wrong to love and care about Van that it all go away. I don't know about him, but it seems that I am the only one feeling feelings.
Like I said it isn't even about the sex even though I do miss the touch of his hands on my body and his lips. Lemme stop cause I am getting myself all stupid over here.
I miss my friend and the man who knew me better than most.
Oh well...he is going to be going to medical school next year in the Fall. I cannot say how proud of him I am...how happy I am that he is doing what it is that he is doing.
I wonder if when he talks about medicine it is more than just a job. He was always more alive when he was talking about music, singing, performing, especially when he was talking about helping the children.
I think that something more fulfilling for him is out there, but like most and I am victim of that as well is that I get caught up on how things are suppose to happen and what is suppose to happen.
I used to think that I would have to become a teacher since I come from a family of teachers and educators. Also education is always a number 1 prioroty in my family.
But I always dreamed of being a teacher, doctor, priest/bishop, archaeologist, musician, actor, mogul, tycoon, rich, traveler, philanthropist, activist, biologist, superhero, zoologist, vet, and more.
I was a weird kid. I wanted to be and do it all.
Now I gotta get to work. My next challenge is raising money for these deals. I am so scared and nervous...I don't wanna do it. Just gotta. Already talking to people, but gotta make it official.
Update in a few.
J-Bo
Some friends wanted to get together in the city and go to karaoke, but I didn't make it. I didn't feel like going out without the ez-pass and my parents didn't get home till late. I wouldn't get into the city until 2am and then that leaves me till only 3am to have fun.
Not worth it.
I was going to stay at somebodies house. There is this guy and girl that I've just been talking to that said I could stay the night if I wanted. They told me that if I needed to rest my head for the night I was more than welcome.
I'm not really feeling them, and they woulda wanted sex. I don't want to have sex with them.
For some reason my ex has been on my mind a lot. Either I've been missing him or I've thinking of him with other men.
I don't know why he is so on my mind. I really don't. I was talking to my friends that don't know anything about him just to talk it out.
They were all nice, but one of them did tell me that since he was the one who broke it off that it is clear that he doesn't love me or care about me. I don't believe that...or I don't want to believe it.
I have to remember that he is with someone else, that he is happy and in love with someone else, and that he doesn't even consider me a friend.
Also my cousin whom I do love, but the man does seem to bring and cause trouble is back in prison. Or that is what he told me at least.
So that is all there is for the most part. I know that there is more that I am doing, but nothing that I think is big enough to tell right now.
I am running and operating about 5 different businesses right now...and it is very nerve racking, but I do nothing that is not big. When I start teaching I won't have as much free time, but that isn't an excuse.
Just wait and see things are happening. :-)
Pray for me you guys...and also please pray that if it was so wrong to love and care about Van that it all go away. I don't know about him, but it seems that I am the only one feeling feelings.
Like I said it isn't even about the sex even though I do miss the touch of his hands on my body and his lips. Lemme stop cause I am getting myself all stupid over here.
I miss my friend and the man who knew me better than most.
Oh well...he is going to be going to medical school next year in the Fall. I cannot say how proud of him I am...how happy I am that he is doing what it is that he is doing.
I wonder if when he talks about medicine it is more than just a job. He was always more alive when he was talking about music, singing, performing, especially when he was talking about helping the children.
I think that something more fulfilling for him is out there, but like most and I am victim of that as well is that I get caught up on how things are suppose to happen and what is suppose to happen.
I used to think that I would have to become a teacher since I come from a family of teachers and educators. Also education is always a number 1 prioroty in my family.
But I always dreamed of being a teacher, doctor, priest/bishop, archaeologist, musician, actor, mogul, tycoon, rich, traveler, philanthropist, activist, biologist, superhero, zoologist, vet, and more.
I was a weird kid. I wanted to be and do it all.
Now I gotta get to work. My next challenge is raising money for these deals. I am so scared and nervous...I don't wanna do it. Just gotta. Already talking to people, but gotta make it official.
Update in a few.
J-Bo
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Too Much Talent...Say Word!
So one of the guys that I am talking to did something that made me sit back and think. He told me that he didn't think we can hang out and be together because when he had his friends over and I started to sing I took all of the attention.
That it was no longer his show but it was mine. That I could go in and out of styles and made them all work was upsetting to him. Even my harmonizing was on point. It was nice and cool...or so I thought. I was in the zone. I even played and sang for everyone.
I of course sang Luther Vandross and it was a smash. I was going to sing John Legend, but his voice always reminds me of someone.
So now I don't think he wants to talk to me. :-)
I think he is avoiding me. Oh well...move onto the next one. I just gotta stay busy on the relationship and dating front. I don't want to bother with feelings right no until the time is right. I just wanna get to where God wants me to be...I thought that in part with my relationship that I had that part figured out and done...I was wrong.
I thought God had given me the greatest thing in the world...maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was deluded. In anyway I know the truth and I'll let God work it out for me. That is the best way. Now back to watching Glee.
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! GLEE!!!!!!!!! It just brings a smile to my heart and soul. :-D
J-Bo
That it was no longer his show but it was mine. That I could go in and out of styles and made them all work was upsetting to him. Even my harmonizing was on point. It was nice and cool...or so I thought. I was in the zone. I even played and sang for everyone.
I of course sang Luther Vandross and it was a smash. I was going to sing John Legend, but his voice always reminds me of someone.
So now I don't think he wants to talk to me. :-)
I think he is avoiding me. Oh well...move onto the next one. I just gotta stay busy on the relationship and dating front. I don't want to bother with feelings right no until the time is right. I just wanna get to where God wants me to be...I thought that in part with my relationship that I had that part figured out and done...I was wrong.
I thought God had given me the greatest thing in the world...maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was deluded. In anyway I know the truth and I'll let God work it out for me. That is the best way. Now back to watching Glee.
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! GLEE!!!!!!!!! It just brings a smile to my heart and soul. :-D
J-Bo
When I Was Your Man
Not saying this means anything, but I heard this while I was out driving and on my date. It came on 3x and I had to pull over the car and really listen to the words.
I really really wish that I've written this. It isn't what you think, but it really resonates with me. Now I don't know if I like it for me to sing to someone else, or for it to be sung to me.
Bruno Mars is now one of my new favorite singer-songwriters. Maybe it is just his songwriting. I love this man now...and I heard he is gay. :-D
Here is the song...enjoy!!!
J-Bo
P.S. Fell down another flight of stairs and it wasn't that bad. But still hurts a little. Damn big feet and little steps!!!!
I really really wish that I've written this. It isn't what you think, but it really resonates with me. Now I don't know if I like it for me to sing to someone else, or for it to be sung to me.
Bruno Mars is now one of my new favorite singer-songwriters. Maybe it is just his songwriting. I love this man now...and I heard he is gay. :-D
Here is the song...enjoy!!!
J-Bo
P.S. Fell down another flight of stairs and it wasn't that bad. But still hurts a little. Damn big feet and little steps!!!!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
So Many People!!
So I have set up 6 dates for the rest of the week. The guy I met on Sunday is cool and all and I will meet him again sometime during the week, but I just don't wanna become attached to anyone. I know that sounds weird, but when I meet someone that I am attracted to for more than just fun and looks then I will think about settling down.
Something weird also happened. Someone asked me about Van. They asked me if I knew how he was doing. I said no of course...I don't. I do know that he is talking to some guy though and they are getting close and personal.
If I had my best guess they will have sex within the next few months. I was agreed with. They asked me how I felt...I said it was cool. I mean I knew that it was going to happen. He's a gay man doing what comes naturally.
I wouldn't feel mad at him if it was the other way around and it was a straight man with a woman. It is what it is. All the promises and words that he shared with me are null and void. I know he said I will be the last man he sleeps with, but I have to be honest. God made him who he is and to believe that he would be with no one else is a lie.
I mean I am dating. :-)
I do need some sex though...that is the only thing. Consistent fuck buddies cause I ain't down with the illnesses.
I used to be mad and angry when I thought of him with other people, but I shut down those feelings for him awhile ago now. Now I just want him happy and able to be who he really is.
But I have to get ready for my day date tomorrow. I don't really feel any of these people for a relationship. There is one guy and girl that I am feeling kind of, but they are kinda messed up in the head. They are church kids and all sorts of drama going on in their life. Smh...can't be bothered with them.
I'll give you guys an update on other things happening in my life later...gotta go and get some more work done. I got some momentum building. Ttyl!!
J-Bo
P.S. Before anyone can say anything and maybe this is also for myself, but I really do wish Van happiness with the man he ends up with. I hope he gets the man of his dreams, and gets the family that he has always dreamed of. I know that is what I am looking for. God deliver it to me tonight.
Something weird also happened. Someone asked me about Van. They asked me if I knew how he was doing. I said no of course...I don't. I do know that he is talking to some guy though and they are getting close and personal.
If I had my best guess they will have sex within the next few months. I was agreed with. They asked me how I felt...I said it was cool. I mean I knew that it was going to happen. He's a gay man doing what comes naturally.
I wouldn't feel mad at him if it was the other way around and it was a straight man with a woman. It is what it is. All the promises and words that he shared with me are null and void. I know he said I will be the last man he sleeps with, but I have to be honest. God made him who he is and to believe that he would be with no one else is a lie.
I mean I am dating. :-)
I do need some sex though...that is the only thing. Consistent fuck buddies cause I ain't down with the illnesses.
I used to be mad and angry when I thought of him with other people, but I shut down those feelings for him awhile ago now. Now I just want him happy and able to be who he really is.
But I have to get ready for my day date tomorrow. I don't really feel any of these people for a relationship. There is one guy and girl that I am feeling kind of, but they are kinda messed up in the head. They are church kids and all sorts of drama going on in their life. Smh...can't be bothered with them.
I'll give you guys an update on other things happening in my life later...gotta go and get some more work done. I got some momentum building. Ttyl!!
J-Bo
P.S. Before anyone can say anything and maybe this is also for myself, but I really do wish Van happiness with the man he ends up with. I hope he gets the man of his dreams, and gets the family that he has always dreamed of. I know that is what I am looking for. God deliver it to me tonight.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Awesom 72 Hours!!
Hello everyone. I hope you all are doing well.
I am so happy and excited. This past weekend has been the very best. I haven't this much fun in a long time.
First all of my siblings and my sister's kids came over, and I had over A & D who came out with us, and we ate such god food. We went out for y youngest brother's bday, but it was really a chance for us all to get together and eat, laugh and have fun.
Then I get picked up by a Spanish guy who lives in the Bronx. He's 1/2 dominican and 1/2 puetro rican so that fits my taste for exotic. he has a very typical Spanish accent and way about him. He is also the minister of music at his church, and he is a counter tenor...classically trained!!
I went to go se him with A & D on Sunday...we didn't have a lot of time together since he had to go back to church. His church has 4 services. That is too much. He got on me for not going to church and said I better be there next week. That was a familiar tone and thing to say to me so that was nice.
Then I kissed him and we started to make out. Of course my hands started to wonder, and me moved them to an appropriate area. It was cute...he was calling me fresh and fast. :-)
So I am going to see him again sometime this week. I am not sure when or where, but we will work something out. Then I ended my night last night chilling with my friend and his wife and we talked, laughed, watched some crazy ass tv show and we even played some scrabble. I lost of course but I vow to get my vocabulary up and beat his wife...she is too damn good!!
Also I gotta make some plans to meet some people...I've been neglecting my friends and loved ones.
So I am in school in the library resting right now. I am really about to go to sleep and get some rest. I have a lesson, and I have to sing. There are auditions, competitions, and more that are coming up that I need to work on. Lord give me strength...I know where I am going. I know where you are taking me...just keep me moving.
A & D said that this new guy reminds them of Van. That he looks like a spanish version of him. I was annoyed when they said that...mainly because I don't see it. Besides the church boy beginnings, and minister of music.
This man can sing his ass off too...I can hear the classical training...gotta get my game up. I can't let this guy beat me. Now maybe I am interested in him cause he reminds me of some similarities of Van except the religious BS and the fact that his family controls and influences his every move.
I do wonder how he is doing, but no one I know has spoken to him. He just drifted away...I do wonder how school is going. Gotta remember that he doesn't care about me so I need to stop caring about him. I need to try to stop thinking of him.
Lemme get some work done, and then it is time to go to work.
J-Bo
I am so happy and excited. This past weekend has been the very best. I haven't this much fun in a long time.
First all of my siblings and my sister's kids came over, and I had over A & D who came out with us, and we ate such god food. We went out for y youngest brother's bday, but it was really a chance for us all to get together and eat, laugh and have fun.
Then I get picked up by a Spanish guy who lives in the Bronx. He's 1/2 dominican and 1/2 puetro rican so that fits my taste for exotic. he has a very typical Spanish accent and way about him. He is also the minister of music at his church, and he is a counter tenor...classically trained!!
I went to go se him with A & D on Sunday...we didn't have a lot of time together since he had to go back to church. His church has 4 services. That is too much. He got on me for not going to church and said I better be there next week. That was a familiar tone and thing to say to me so that was nice.
Then I kissed him and we started to make out. Of course my hands started to wonder, and me moved them to an appropriate area. It was cute...he was calling me fresh and fast. :-)
So I am going to see him again sometime this week. I am not sure when or where, but we will work something out. Then I ended my night last night chilling with my friend and his wife and we talked, laughed, watched some crazy ass tv show and we even played some scrabble. I lost of course but I vow to get my vocabulary up and beat his wife...she is too damn good!!
Also I gotta make some plans to meet some people...I've been neglecting my friends and loved ones.
So I am in school in the library resting right now. I am really about to go to sleep and get some rest. I have a lesson, and I have to sing. There are auditions, competitions, and more that are coming up that I need to work on. Lord give me strength...I know where I am going. I know where you are taking me...just keep me moving.
A & D said that this new guy reminds them of Van. That he looks like a spanish version of him. I was annoyed when they said that...mainly because I don't see it. Besides the church boy beginnings, and minister of music.
This man can sing his ass off too...I can hear the classical training...gotta get my game up. I can't let this guy beat me. Now maybe I am interested in him cause he reminds me of some similarities of Van except the religious BS and the fact that his family controls and influences his every move.
I do wonder how he is doing, but no one I know has spoken to him. He just drifted away...I do wonder how school is going. Gotta remember that he doesn't care about me so I need to stop caring about him. I need to try to stop thinking of him.
Lemme get some work done, and then it is time to go to work.
J-Bo
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