Revelations

So I got some friends over and I wanted to put this out there before I get sidetracked.

But it seems when people hear about the relationship that Van and I had they not only love and admire the story and love, but they also kinda says it scares them off.

They actually said that we could have sex and mess around, but what man or woman can compete with love like that. They said they are looking for love like that.

SMMFH!!!!

So I have a new rule. From now on, I won't talk about Van. I don't want people to feel lost before they started...I mean he isn't really all that special...at least he shouldn't be. -_-

So when asked I haven't been in a serious relationship before. I've just had shallow relationships. I feel like a punk for lying, but I must admit it can't be easy thinking that they have to compete against someone else.

I guess it is cool. My best friend doesn't talk about one certain ex with his wife. I mean for all she knows she is just a female from his past. She would not like to hear her name if she really knew the significance of her...SHE WOULD KILL!!!! :-D

So that is it...no one else will hear the story of Van. For apparently if they do they feel like they cannot compete. Which I still don't understand.

On other news one of my married friends came into the city to audition for broadway shows. She is a broadway performer and mini star. She actually asked me why years ago we never hooked up. Smh.

This is my life people. I'm not saying she wanted to sleep with me now, but I don't think it would be out of the question if I wanted to have sex. All I want is one person to love, cherish, and hold. I'm over the random people and hooking up. I'm over it.

Now back to these people. They did drive over here to see me and chill out. Otherwise I'd be home alone, and I need some human contact and some attention. I need to be dating again...I just accepted that I will be thinking of this man no matter what.

Just gotta push out the feelings and emotions and focus on someone and something else. Not that I want to...but I really don't.


One of them wants to start singing and harmonizing. I do need the practice and I love to sing with other people now. A gift that Van left with me.

J-Bo