Monday, July 15, 2013

Discovering Me Everyday

I forgot to give you guys the new blog. DUH!!!! :-)

So here is the title and address of the blog:

Discovering Me Everyday

discoveringmeallday.blogspot.com

There it is. Going to try and see if I can point this to the new blog, but if I cannot the website is above.

Click here to go there now

J-Bo

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Still In Chains

So I called Tony to talk to him and Pastor about what happened to Trayvon and his family.

When I call I get more than what I bargained for.

Apparently Tony and Pastor aren't talking right now for some reason.

According to Tony Pastor still goes back and forth every once and awhile, but his episodes are far and few in between.

I cannot believe that is still going on...I am very disappointed.

Tony did say that it is the stress of living 2 lives. It is the stress of not being able to totally come out. The stress of living a lie is starting to get to him.

I say that he should just come out of the closet. He should claim his freedom. Sure he will face some serious consequences, but he can move on and get a life he really wants with another church.

But that is part of the problem.

Pastor really loves his church and he is willing to go to extremes and kill himself slowly to make them happy and proud.

Not what Jesus has in mind for him, but people do stupid things all the time.

Sad.

J-Bo

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Not Guilty

So the man who killed Trayvon Martin (he doesn't warrant his name being said) has gone free.

I had to admit from bits and pieces that I saw of the trial on TV and talking to my lawyer friends I did see this coming, but I held out hope nontheless.

This is a sad day, and proves that we have so far to go. We cannot let this be our story...not even a little.

I am so scared for my people...my country...my home.

If it ain't one thing then it is another.

It seems like we take one step forward and then 2 steps back.

God please heal the hearts and minds of your people. Make us whole and continue to strive for balance and peace within you.

With that I head off to bed. I am going to take tomorrow to pray and meditate. To get myself more centered. This week is a big week for me so I cannot allow anything to hold me back. I walk with Trayvon on my heart.

I do the things that he know cannot, and stand on his shoulders and take him with me wherever I go.

J-Bo

P.S. Tomorrow is going to be the last day for this blog. Time for a new beginning...time for a new chapter. :-)

Friday, July 12, 2013

I Did Good

So I am in the club house that belongs to all the residents in the community where I live. It's nice...got a gym, pool, kitchen, bathrooms, showers, etc. Nice place.

So I come here to do some thinking and work on some business stuff.

In comes this guy who looks pretty cute, and we exchange names and I get back to what I was doing.

He sits down next to me and we start talking more. He tells me about issues with his life and with his baby moms and his daughter.

So I give him a quick session, and help him to reevaluate and change somethings. He starts to feel better.

He felt so comfortable talking to me that he even started crying. I was touched and also a little shocked...what makes people just do that with me? What do they see, feel, sense from me?

So we talk and he gives me a vibe of come and get it. I think he did anyway. I was going to make a move and see what was what, but then I remembered that I didn't have a condom and so squashed it.

Lord that was tempting, but I cannot do that with people who I help. It wouldn't be right. I know that because of my position I am very, very influential and can do things, but I cannot do anything like that.

God I need a man, and maybe even a girl. LOL.

I wonder what is going on with Van? He was on my mind today as I was studying and doing some work. I wonder if I will ever see him again? I wonder if he remembers me?

J-Bo

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Why Me?!?!?!

So I invited this guy over I met awhile back. I was horny and no one is home and I just needed to bust a good nut.

So he comes over and we start talking, but I was done with all of that and was like I want my dick sucked...and some ass.

So I am looking forward to getting some action. He sees some music that I have out and ask me if I am a musician. I say I am. He ask me if I am also a vocalist...I say I am. We chat for a little while, and I am just ready to get started.

He tells me his church is looking for singers if I am interested. That kinda piqued my interest especially when he mentions they pay their lead singers and need low male voices.

So we start singing some hymns, and start singing harmonies. Low and behold he is awesome at them, and I ask him where he goes to church.

He says the name and then ends it off with COGIC. -_-

My stomache dropped. I was like please lord not another one!!!

We start singing again and he tells me I am good, but my harmony skills could use some work. I almost slapped him with my dick for that one, but he is right. I don't have the experience that he does so I need more work.

I told him my ex had brought harmony singing into my life and the lives of many others singers at my school. I said he was also COGIC and a very skilled and annointed singer. He asked his name I said it's not important.

So we go back to business and he gives me head and I desperately wanna suck and fuck.

Just when I was about to throw caution to the wind (I have a condom just was gonna suck without one not fuck), but while giving me head his phone rings. He answers while sucking my dick.

Come to find out that he is the Pastor for his church...well associate pastor. Still doesn't matter cause at least he knows he is gay and that there is nothing wrong with it. He says his church is one of many in the COGIC umbrella that preaches that truth, but is careful cause ignorance runs deep in the church.

Who is he telling?!?!?!

So he gets back to business and I think it is all going to go well, when I finish with him swallowing me he ask me if we can do this again. I say it is possible.

Then the big thing to fuck things up.

He ask me about Van again. I asked him why? He said he just wanted to know who I was with...I said who I was with means nothing...whom I am with now is all that matters, and I am single and that is all that matters.

He actually gets mad. Accuses me of still being in love with Van cause I won't give up his information, and then says he why won't I tell him who the faggot queen is.

I don't like those words. I don't like anyone trying to make people feel like they are less than human. Those words do nothing, but spread hatred, prejudice, and intolerance.

I cannot see him again, and I do not want to deal with him. I did promise I'd visit his church during rehearsal to see the musical director. I will honor that promise, but that is all I will do.

He may know the truth about that God loves all his people no matter the sexuality and we are all destined for heaven, but his character sucks. I'm done with him.

Why can I not meet better quality people. I need to find someone who complements me, and who can be a partner and an asset, but who is a whole person, and not so damn quick to spit vile.

God send him or her to me. Now I gotta get ready to see this girl a friend set me up with...she's a dancer and actress. So hopefully she is a little more enlightened.

J-Bo

P.S. I got a $50 million and a $14.6 million dollar property that is being offered to me. How am I gonna make this happen?? But if I do then my fee for putting the deal together can be as much as $146,000 to $730,000 on the lower one. God I love this business.

Pray that things work out well for me - I am doing things that scare me to no end.

Fatherless Sons

So I had a conversation with my friends and it was on being a fatherless son.

Of course I couldn't really speak on much except very little.

I have my father and I've always had male father figures in my life. From grandfathers, uncles, cousins, mentors, and teachers. I have been very blessed in my life.

One of the key things that I've learned is that being an absentee father is more than just not being there...you can actually be in your son's life all day everyday and still be emotionally, and mentally distant.

My father is so the opposite of that.

He is still ready to have a convo all day everyday.

I am sure that things were different when I was younger, but now we kinda have a good relationship, but it is more like two tigers occupying the same space.

I know that I have to move out and go do me, so that we can have a more decent relationship. Seeing each other all the time, and him refusing to treat me a certain way isn't going to help anyone at all. So I know when that happens things will work out for the best.

I am so lucky to have parents, immediate family, extended family, and friends who love and support me for who I am. God has blessed me abundantly and I wasn't given these gifts to take them for granted.

Time for bed....big day tomorrow and I have no time to waste. I cannot wait to wake up. :-)

J-Bo

P.S. While I was with my friends Van's name kept coming up. Nothing bad...just asking me about lessons that I've learned and if I ever think about or miss him.

I do think about him from time to time. Things pop up that make me think about him. And do I miss him?? I miss the friendship and the connection we had. I don't miss the romantic relationship cause with it came too much drama.

What to do about it?? Nothing. It ain't about me. My friend asked me if I am moving on...I said I've already moved on. I don't want back with a bad situation. The man who caused the relationship to split or should I say the behaviors that caused the split won't be tolerated by anyone with commonsense and I am a commonsense man.

Another one asked me if he was in trouble or if he reached out to me would I be there. I said of course. How can I call myself a follower of Christ and treat anyone like that...especially someone that I still consider one of the closest people in my life. I cannot say the same for him, but that is why I am one of a kind. ;-)

P.P.S. Going hard for mine. Just going out and failing on a daily basis...it is scary, but I am making moves and learning a lot. Gotta keep the momentum going!!!!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Sunday's Best

So the kids are finally gone and I do miss them, but it is so good to be home alone and have some peace and quiet.

The highlight of my night is watching Sunday's Best. It was a 2 hour season premiere.

Just about everyone who didn't make it failed because they couldn't sing a melody straight to save their life. Made me think of an argument with Van. It feels so good to be vindicated.

The ones who did make it and did riff too much made it because they kept the integrity of the melody intact and their riffs were on point and had a good beginning to end. But even those who I felt did that didn't make it cause again you take away from the song if you do too much.

It doesn't matter if you sing the whole song and all your tricks are connected and on point...SING THE FUCKING MELODY!!!!!

The other side who didn't make it, just couldn't sing at all. Like not even a little bit.

Now I am watching Kevin Hart's comedy special CRYING!!!! No matter how many times I see this it still has me on the floor.

Time for bed...big long day tomorrow and I wanna be out before anyone wakes up.

J-Bo

Friday, July 5, 2013

Ignorance is Contagious

Just wanted to share these videos with you to hopefully help confirm and open some of your eyes to the truth.






J-Bo

When Did You Choose To Be Straight?

So I have a great question for all of you as I write some songs:

When Did You Choose To Be Straight?

I'm serious...answer the question. For all of you out there who are LGBTQ I guess you can answer that question too. When did you choose to be like you are?

Or is it more when did you choose to fully accept?

These are the questions we need to start asking each other.









J-BO

Feeling Revitalized

I don't know the last time I just woke up so early and felt ready for the world.

I don't know what happened yesterday. Literally all I did was play mediator, soothsayer, friend, cousin, and mentor.

I wanted so bad to get away from them for awhile, but I couldn't. Took them to the pool and it damn nearly killed me. LOL.

It was so hot and I ended up not going into the pool cause I was making business calls and dealing with business stuff. I really wanted to have someone else there to watch them while I go inside and do work in the shade, but I ended up in sun baking. -_-

But I did it for them and let them stay out there for an hour.

Came back home and my sister and her kids were here and some other fam and the food wasn't totally ready. We finally started eating, and I became more and more off duty.

I made all the kids go to bed at 10, but then gave the 3 oldest a reprieve to stay awake with the older the people while I went to bed, and had the 3 youngest with me. Of course they weren't happy, but they had a long day.

2/3 fell asleep immediately. 1 of them was holding out cause he said he wasn't tired, but he too fell after awhile.

So my brother is going to be watching them today. They better watch out...he is way more quick to anger and lashing out than I am. He is very much more harsh. But compared to my middle brother he is a piece of cake.

My middle brother woulda done beat the shit outta all of them just to teach them a quick a lesson on who's the boss. Smh.

So now I am awake and feel like taking on the world, and everyone else in my house is knocked out. Time for some tea cause I need my voice, and shower, and then I am out.

Enjoy your day people.

J-Bo

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy 4th of July!!

So I just wanted to give everyone a quick happy 4th!!!

This goes out to mostly my Americans and those who celebrate American Holidays.

I got 8 kids in my house from 6-13 and they are LOUD!!!!

I am giving them until 12:30 to get to bed so they are using up as much of that time as possible.

So I want to be in bed, but I have to wait till the time I said...I wanna be fair and honest.

Something funny happened earlier today. My brother and I were having a medical debate on instant kills. We were watching an action movie and someone got killed by being stabbed in the neck and it seemed to be an instant kill.

I said it can happen and my brother said it couldn't. He told me to call Van to get his opinion since he is the medical person in my life. That shocked me that he would say his name...he didn't seem to care very much about him.

It was very interesting.

It did make me wonder how he is doing, and what is going on with him. I wish him the best and he stays in my prayers.

So I need to get my stuff together...I am not going to be left in the dust and that means I need to work 1 million times harder than I am now. Harder and smarter....

Enjoy this great holiday...I know I will.

J-Bo

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Why God...Why Me?!?!?!

Why couldn't be like everyone else?

Why couldn't I just be like one of the regular folks?

Why couldn't I just settle and get a regular job and be?

I coulda been a teacher, scientist, doctor, politician, and just about anything else?

Why did I have to be all that I am? What am I suppose to accomplish? What am I going to do with this life?

The sad thing is the thought of living a regular life seems so abnormally boring to me.

I just have to keep doing and becoming more and better.

So tomorrow I am doing more for my businesses and I need to revitalize the website. I just need to get things together and become the very best that I can be.

God help me, cause I feel I am moving the planet and others just are walking up a hill. It would be easy to get a job and just make a good living and do what I do.

I cannot think about that. Just gotta do what I am meant to do.

More info later.

J-Bo

Monday, July 1, 2013

“Ex-Gay Isn’t Exactly Over”: Mel White writing for Advocate.com

Article from:
http://www.soulforce.org/blog/ex-gay-isnt-exactly-over-mel-white-writing-for-advocate-com/



In the past few days, many have celebrated the headline “Exodus International Closes Down.” And we should rightfully thank Alan Chambers for his confession that “ex-gay therapy” does not work and for his apology for the “pain and hurt” it has cost so many of us. I saw Alan issue his apology at the last Exodus conference. He was sincere and contrite. Even if you don’t trust Alan’s motives, you have to admit that his confession and apology are a giant step forward in undermining the credibility of those who continue to hold out the false promises made by the ex-gay movement.

On the other hand, we should not allow ourselves to believe that the ex-gay movement died with the closure of Exodus. Quite the contrary. Alan’s apology has motivated ex-gay loyalists to hunker down and commit to riding out the storm, reorganizing. and eventually reemerging with an even more militant dedication to their belief that that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people can and must be “cured.”

The Exodus (ex-gay) faithful are now uniting under a new name, the Restored Hope Network, currently being organized by Anne Paulk. She admits proudly that this will be an ex-gay ministry. In her online testimony she describes the network’s “cure” for us in these words: “Jesus got hold of me and that was the end of my homosexuality.” Paulk is one of several ex-gays who participated in a national ad campaign and what was probably the highest moment of visibility for their movement, appearing on the cover of Newsweek with her (now openly gay) husband, John, in 1998.

The board of this old nightmare in new trappings includes the same laundry list of fundamentalist leaders whose names are associated with decades of biblical misuse, scientific ignorance, and harm to LGBT people: Matt Barber, Robert Gagnon, Joseph Nicolosi, Leanne Payne, Janet Parshall, Mat Staver, and 11 other megachurch pastors and right-wing organizers. The terrible suffering caused by Exodus and the failure of its ex-gay therapies flows directly and indirectly out of the false teachings of these fundamentalist Christian leaders.

These hard-core ex-gay promoters really believe that those who “give in” to their “temptations” will find “their lives ruined and their souls damned.” My worst fear is that the more than 250 ex-gay ministries located in the U.S. and 17 other countries that were once associated with Exodus will simply sign up with the Hope Restored Network instead of following Alan Chambers’s example.

Let’s not kid ourselves. These local ex-gay ministries know that their therapies do not work and that they personally are responsible for suffering and even death. One need only look at the suicide rates among LGBT youth rejected by their families, communities, and houses of worship to see the impact.
The real difference between Paulk’s Restored Hope Network and Chambers’s new Reduce Fear organization is their ultimate goal for LGBT people. The old word “cure” is out. “Change” is in.

Consider the Restored Hope Network as the hard-core “changers” who are committed to the failed methods of Exodus and Reduce Fear as the soft-core “changers” who practice “change lite.”
At the recent Exodus Freedom Conference, Chambers’s own testimony inadvertently described “change lite.” The first step for the soft-core “changers” is to admit that that they cannot “cure” you, that no matter how hard you try your feelings will still exist.

Chambers also admitted quite openly that he still “struggles” with his desires, and in deciding not to “act on those desires,” he describes the second step toward soft-core change. Alan and the other soft-core changers don’t describe same-sex attraction or sexuality as sin (that’s the hard-core way), but they do cling to the old notion that the only sexual relationships in keeping with God’s plan for are those between one man with one woman.

It’s very likely that Chambers’s Reduce Fear ministry will offer loving counsel to those who struggle against their sexual orientation. It is also likely that it will help churches organize small groups for dialogue (not unlike Alcoholics Anonymous’s group meetings) and publish new materials for soft-core change that emphasize mercy and not judgment.

But just beneath that loving, nonjudgmental surface there remains, whether spoken or not, the belief that change is still the ideal outcome. Which makes this all the more insidious and dangerous. Chambers’s change will not call for LGBT people to become heterosexual but for sexually active individuals to become self-accepting but celibate lesbian or gay persons.

For those who choose not to remain celibate or fail at celibacy, the group will hold up as an example Chambers’s loving relationship with his wife, Leslie. Soft-core changers will teach that sexually active lesbian or gay people should enter into “traditional” opposite-sex marriages or into a relationship with an opposite-sex fellow “struggler.” This sounds a lot like the apostle Paul’s unfortunate advice that “if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor. 7:9).

Here’s the problem. Alan Chambers and Anne Paulk are different only in degree. As long as change is involved in a ministry, it remains an ex-gay ministry. Hard-core change demands that our natural sexual orientation be cured or at least denied. Soft-core change asks gently and lovingly (although it does not demand) that we live unnatural lives by refusing to be the people we were created to be.

Alan and Leslie Chambers are obviously in love. It is perfectly appropriate for Alan to decide that being married to a heterosexual woman is worth holding his homosexuality in check. But it is not perfectly appropriate for him to set himself up as an example on which to build an entire ministry.
If his Reduce Fear ministry would say, “It’s OK to accept your homosexuality as a gift from God. It’s OK to be in a loving same-sex relationship. If that’s your decision, Reduce Fear will support you in every way,” then it could also say, “But if you decide to struggle against your orientation in order to stay in a loving relationship with a heterosexual spouse, we will support you in that decision as well.”

As long as Alan Chambers even implies that not accepting your sexual orientation is the better way, he has not ended his ex-gay ministry. He has just reorganized it as a kinder, gentler form of Exodus. I’m afraid that one day he will have to confess that his new kinder, gentler change methods didn’t work either and apologize again for the suffering and death he and his ministry have caused.

THE REVEREND DR. MEL WHITE is the cofounder of Soulforce, the recipient of the ACLU’S National Civil Liberties Award, and author of Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America and Holy Terror: Lies the Christian Right Tells Us to Deny Gay Equality.

500 Business E-Mails

So I just got done answering 500 business e-mails that were sent within the last 2-1/2 months.

DAMN!!! :-/

It was so damn exhausting, but I got it down and I know look and 40 of them have responded and I have to responded to those e-mails now too.

I always wonder how people can have 5+ deals going at the same time and not feel overwhelmed. I gotta find out how to master that one real fast.

I have also learned 3 questions according to one of my mentors that he asked himself when he was in a fatal car crash. He almost lost his life and when he was on the crossroads he thought of 3 questions.

The 3 questions that he asked himself are:
  1. Did I love?
  2. Did I live?
  3. Did I even matter?
I asked myself those questions recently and I am going to share those answers with all of you now.
  • Did I love
I like to think that I did. Of course I have had many partners and lovers over the years. I have also had 4 relationships that I was totally committed to, the one that stands out the most is the one with Van. That is not only the last one I've been in, but the one where I've given all.

It was the most transformational for me. I still love him and I respect and honor him for the role he played in my life, but I do that while moving forward and moving on. If our paths cross than we shall see who we are when that happens, but if not than that is ok too.

I look forward to loving again that strongly cause I never felt so good and vulnerable in my life. I CANNOT WAIT!!!! :-D

Sidenote: A friend of mine who works at Old Navy is now engaged to a very famous musician. The man she is marrying is very well known and he doesn't care that she isn't like other women in his life. She is on a different level, but they work. They compliment each other.

Back to my points.

  • Did I live?
I think that I've had many interesting things happen in my life. But I haven't lived the life I've wanted to.

This is one area that scares me, because I am not scared of dying...just of leaving too soon.

  • Did I even matter?
This is one that I am a little confused. Do I matter? I know I will be missed, but did I leave something behind that will long out live my life.

God help me with this one.

So this is where I am right now. This is where I am currently, but I am always evolving and growing and changing.

Now back to growing multiple businesses at once. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!??! But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't doing many things at once. I need that to help keep me interested.

J-Bo

P.S. Talked to my boys in San Fran and they are doing great. Things are happening. Still some issues, but that is true of any relationship and I've thought them the tools they can use to get better and do more.

P.P.S. Pastor and Tony are doing awesome. Just spoke to Tony. I think Pastor is at AIM Convention. Don't ask. But Pastor is making babies like crazy trying to continue his legacy, and they both are looking into Tony having some kids. I should say more kids, cause I didn't realize he has 3 kids with another woman. O_o Don't even ask cause I don't know. In any case they are still hiding their relationship of course and Pastor is getting good at hiding it. I just wish them the best cause I could not be about that life...I am not a liar and I am not ashamed. I've come too far!!!

Awesome Sunday!!!

I have had the greatest day today.

First I had such a spiritually awakening moment...I don't want to go into details, but I swear that I cannot wait to share what I know to be true with the world.

Then I got to watch the BET Awards. I was enjoying it so so at first, but then they had a West Indian segment, Charlie Wilson was honored for a lifetime achievement award, and Janelle Monae killed her performance tonight.

Then of course I had to catch my True Blood, and I ended the night watching Sunday's Best sneak peak. It was really good and had me acting a fool.

The one thing though is that even the judges were not feeling all the crazy riffing for no reason. There had to be a point to what you were doing...not that you could do it, but it was for something.

SING THE DAMN MELODIES!!!!! Made me want to call on some people who I've had this argument with in the past and get my point across. :-)

So I know that there are others who've had a very big and crazy day and probably got into more than I did, but I am happy with what I've been able to accomplish.

Now to bed. Got an interview tomorrow and I need to do some more marketing. Business doesn't drum up itself.

J-Bo

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Confusing Ass Text

So Van text me out of nowhere and I look at it and it is to ask if two friends of mine are in fact still dating and still together.

I was confused by it.

I didn't know what to say cause for one those two are always going on and off. Why go through all that drama I have no idea.

Another reason was that I didn't know why the hell it mattered to him at all. They are not happy with him. They were really hurt and felt disrespected by him. They accepted, loved, and welcomed him into their lives without judgement and without any questions.

Then he goes and do what he did.

He sure did show what it mean to have Churchianity and the state of how church trains it's youth. SMH.

But in any case I don't blame him. Look at Paula Dean and what she said and what is going on with her. It's the issues of the lies that we are fed as children that we carry into our adulthood.

I once heard that adulthood was partly getting over the trauma suffered as a child. I am starting to see the truth in that.

Back to the story.

So he asked me and I said I was lost about why he would ask that. He told me to never mind and I said ok. I was in the studio doing work so it didn't linger on my mind.

Fast forward I find out that one of the guys is going out with his sister. Not on a date, but going to go ahead and hang out. At first he wanted me to come along, but I said I didn't want to go cause I just don't want to be put in a position where I have to lie.

I am still willing to protect his secret and tell the same lies he tells himself and others, but not if I can help it. I just kept thinking her asking me about stuff and I am past the point of lying. I didn't want certain truths to come out that would lead to other things coming out.

So to keep the peace I will bow out.

Anyway I figure that his sister called him and told him what was going on and he probably thought A was going to go and try to be with her. Wrong assumptions there, but it isn't like there isn't history to support that.

So I wanted to reach out and tell him I know what it is going on, but his sister and my friend are adults and it ain't nobodies business.

Oh well...gotta work on this website cause I let it sit for too long. Gotta get a posting rhythm like I have it here. Wish me luck people.

J-Bo

P.S. Speaking about confusing text girl I'm talking to wants me to meet her kid. :-/ And a guy that I am talking to wants me to meet his mother and father and family. -_- What the hell is wrong with these people. Why is it that I cannot just rock out with no commitments and just work on doing me. Better to be single and just casually date. Still looking for some sex, but I can wait till I find someone who is worth it. 

The Out List: HBO

There is a new documentary on HBO about the LGBTQ community.

It is interesting...

You see men and women who hit all parts of the LGBTQ acronym. I wish some other people I know and admire would've been on here, but I guess it couldn't happen. Hopefully they will do another one.

But I say go and watch it. It is on HBO Demand so you can watch it anytime. It also comes on at random times so check your local listings.

But it is a great show and I really love it. Already getting somethings from it to share and give out to the other people.

My niece is now home with her mother and siblings and I am sitting here alone...looking out amongst the lush green scenery and the wild life all around me. I feel so blessed. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but where I am now ain't bad. :-)

Everyday I feel like I am sinking in quick sand, going against 50 inch steel walls, and climbing the highest mountains in the world. I am not saying this to get pity from anyone. I am saying this to say that I feel tired, but I am going to keep trucking it. Just keep me in your prayers.

Next post is about Van texting me about something I was confused about, but I now no longer am. Just wait for that one. :-)

J-Bo

Thursday, June 27, 2013

My New Love!!!!

So this is about someone I would love to meet and just...well I am going to stop that thought cause my body is acting up. :-)

But this is my new love interest. He is cute, a church boy, talented, a singer, and something about him just has me looking over and over again.

My friends who know Van say that the reason I like him is because he is a dark skinned version of Van.

I can see the similarities in a lot of the things between them, but still I want him.

One of my psych friends say that I am subconsciously looking for someone that has the elements of the relationship that had everything in it that I want. I said I don't want another church boy who is gay and fighting it...not going down that road again.

I said I want a man in my life.

I think that this guy can fulfill those requirements.

Here he is...I cannot stop listening to him sing!!!!! :-)

His style is very unique and his own..much like Van's, but w/e. I love originals and people who are there own person...much like Van's brother who I swear is the man.

Btw Van asked me about some friends of mine and it was weird. He wanted to know if they were still together. Why does he even care??

They are not happy with him. They cannot believe that they treat him the way they did...as a friend, family, and a confidant and he just throws them away and treats them like they don't even matter. Sad thing is that I ain't got nothing to say on it.

His character is his character. To him what he is doing is ok...he is just like the pack. It is what it is. :-P

Here is the man many say is like Van and I don't really see it, but his voice and personality drew me in!!!!

J-Bo

P.S. He has a unique look that for some reason screams personality, and him being him. Like he is a geek, but cool, sexy, confident, and I LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! I have decided he is nothing like Van. I just hope he doesn't believe the lie that being gay is wrong. Don't need anymore people marrying women and getting divorced or living on the DL because they cannot face reality. No time.






Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Lord What A Morning

Things are going so well yet we are still so under attack. We get DOMA to be seen as unconstitutional, and some other great things have been happening.

But on the flip side Votter Rights that were put in place to make sure that the voting rights of minorities have stayed in place has been taken away.

That means in Red States where slavery was rampart and all that things that went along with it aren't back to the extremes of the past, but that means that our voices won't be heard in those places. They even tried to get rid of Affirmative Action, but that was squashed.

We take 2 steps forward and one step back. God help us all.

But things are moving forward.

Time to get things kicked into high gear.

Back to entertaining my niece...when my brother gets in she will go to bother him and that will give me time to do some things for me. I already had to take a nap with her so she would fall asleep. Not that I am complaining...I needed it in a big way.

J-Bo

P.S. Van's brother has been all over my news feed and he is a real man to me now. I mean I have nothing but respect. He isn't afraid to stand up and let his voice be heard. He knows it won't be popular with some, but he doesn't care. He will stand up, for, and against those that he needs to. He's a shining example to many that I know.

P.P.S. Suppose to be heading to Nebraska for a gig soon hopefully. Getting a cool $8k for 3 days work. Pray that it comes through and I get to hang out with some cool people...they are part of Van's family, but still we are close and they are cool as hell. I love good people and they are good people.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Impromptu Performance

So my day was jam packed full of stuff.

The important things were that I was able to help my voice teacher move all her boxes into her house all at one time. That was my main priority for getting into the city today,

The next thing was the last minute decision to pick up my niece and have her spend time with me. She was crying on the phone cause she was going to someone elses' house and she wanted to come with me.

So I picked her up and she is with my mom and dad now sleeping. Tomorrow I gotta find things for her to do so she can have fun. Thinking a nature hike and a swim in the pool. That should be fun.

Btw my mother got a new car and we were driving that today. When my niece saw the car she immeidiately asked if that was my friend. I was stuck and couldn't think about who she was talking about. I forgot that my ex would pick her up in the same car.

I am surprised she remembered that. She cannot remember his name, but she remembers things. Hmmm

Anyway then my friend D called me with a crisis and needed out of his house cause he was having problems with his father and brother. So I told him to come over to school and wait with me and we can go.

While we were waiting a friend from the school's gospel choir stopped me and we talked and he told me about a band that he started and they were having rehearsals. So of course he asked me to come and started telling his co-workers that I am a beast of a man with a voice to match.

I told him to stop lying.

So I went with D and my niece and it was like a show. The boy has gotten so good and his songs are so good. Then he calls me up and we make magic happen. I throw D up there and of course he was nervous, but he sang out after awhile.

Going to have to take him to karaoke and make him sing more so he can learn to deal with his nerves. It's the only way.

But we are now all in my house and it is peaceful and quiet. While we were coming in we could see the night sky being lit up with lightening. That isn't even the best of it though. I remember a time when there were so many stars in the sky it was breath taking. Then there were streaks of lightning stabbing the sky.

That was something.

That is the memory I go to sleep with. The beautiful starry night sky and a force of nature ripping through the sky.

Time for bed...got things to do tomorrow and with my niece and D here it isn't going to be easy to get done cause I gotta play host and uncle.

J-Bo

Brian Stokes Mitchell

Morning...

I gotta go and get to rehearsal soon so this will have to be fast. Then I am going to the movies on a lil date. Tell you about that one later. ;-)

But Brian Stokes Mitchell is on my list of favorite singers. The man is AWESOME!!!!!!!!

He is singing 2 songs I am learning for auditions and shows.

Tell me what you think.

J-Bo

P.S. The first and last are my favorites and one of them is from the Prince of Egypt which I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!




Monday, June 24, 2013

Ain't Taking Nothin' From My Journey Now

So I want to start by saying hello and have a great Monday people. I hope all is going extremely well for you.

My day has actually started from 11:30pm yesterday till now. I took a nice nap and I have been up since then. So I just wanted to drop you guys a quick line cause I just got reminded of a valuable lesson today.

I drove into the city with my mother and father and because of leaving late and traffic we ended up not being able to drop me off and going straight to my mom's job. My father was going to drop me off. But he was going to go inside and do whatever it is that he does. Now any other time he goes inside and does stuff like that he is there for almost an hour and I am left in the car waiting.

So this time I said I am going to go inside bring my book and chill in an air conditioned room and wait.

So I have my book and I walk inside the school and my father sees me with my book and mumbles under his breathe and calls me an idiot and stupid. :-)

I fucking let him have it. My mother almost kicked us both out cause we were inside her school at the time. I apologized and gave my father a look of I dare you to say something to me again.

He kept his mouth shut.

So I am waiting and waiting and he is sitting on the computer doing nothing. So I just got my stuff and decided to walk the 30 blocks to campus.

On the way there was this guy who looked like he was about to die form the heat. I stopped and he asked me to please buy him some food. No one wanted to listen or talk to him. I spent the rest of the money I had to get him some food and something to drink. It kinda put me out, but I wanted to do it.

The reason I tell you that last part is that even when you think you are going to have to go through the motions or go through something remember that on your journey there are people you can touch even if only a little bit. I am so happy that I was able to bless him. I was so able to give him something that made him feel good, thus I feel like I did something good today.

Now the reason I came in today was to help my voice teacher move her stuff into the middle office. Today and tomorrow I am here to work hard and lend my body. She has done so much for me that this is the least that I can do for her.

Lemme go track her down, and pray my father either watches how he talks to me or I have more patience and hold my tongue. I am not looking for a fight, but I am not going to have someone diminish my worth. Call me stupid, idiot, a disappointment and get ready for a fight. Now that may not be for everyone. I know people who speak a good game and call you out of your name, but they are no one so you let it go.

But for my father to think it is ok, just tells me he is loosing his fucking mind and I will defend myself. He should know me better than that...if he doesn't then it is my job to teach him. -_-

Today I just feel like getting a job and doing that. Being an entrepreneur is so hard. Always have to be on your toes...but it is the life I want. I want to be able to do what others cannot. If I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, why I want, with whomever I want I have to do what others won't.

Pray for me people!!!!

J-Bo

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Family :-)

So the past few days have been kinda awesome.

Work has been getting done at kinda a snail's pace, but besides that I feel on top of the world.

Went to my cousin's bday party last night in LI...a 2 hour drive mind you. -_-

But it was so much fun. The food was awesome, the music was on point, and the drinks were strong and plentiful. That and seeing the next generation running around. It was so nice to see all of them.

Even got the chance to help heal some family rifts, and learn some more about my family and heard them out and was there for them when they needed me. So all in all I feel awesome.

Church was on point too, but I had to leave early since my mom and dad were ready sooner than I thought. It's cool cause these past 2 days I've only gotten 6 hours of sleep so tonight I have to makes sure I get my rest. I got a voice lesson, business calls, and I need to work out tomorrow.

I am just so happy.

I don't deserve the things that are happening to me.

I still don't know what the hell I am going to do about my love life. I feel like I need to find someone who loves me for me now before things go to far cause I am already seeing men and women who only want to be with me cause I can do things for them and because they feel I am "someone."

I don't like that so I have work to do.

So many things I wish I could tell you guys, but it'll have to wait until things get clearer and I get a little more settled in things.

Till next time...time to take a nap.

J-Bo

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Night with My Opera Chorus Colleagues

I am sure I spelt one of those words wrong, but who cares. It's 2:15 am and I just got in from singing karaoke all night.

This was the first time I sang and I don't think I did very well. I mean some people where excited, but others weren't.

I don't know if they were just taking it in, or they didn't like my performance and my song choices.

Oh well, you cannot win everyone over. But I had a great time and that drive home was SICK!!!!

So need to move back into NYC. I've been looking at apartments...some of them are really cool. Things are moving people...things are moving. Just need to get out of my own way.

Now to bed cause tomorrow is a long drive to LI for a birthday party and to do some networking. I gotta find those business cards.

Happy 1st day of summer which has actually pasted, but w/e.

Night.

J-Bo

P.S. Next time I do karaoke I am going to have the keys worked out that I want to sing in before hand cause damn most male singers are HIGH!!!!! That and today I was feeling like a Basso so I had literally no top coming in. :-(

Friday, June 21, 2013

Fix Me Jesus, Fix Me



This hymn reminds me that even when things are all going the way we would like them to that we still have things that should be worked on and fixed.

I am in a real great place right now, and things are moving forward. I have a real heart to serve and help others so I hope this helps you all.

Even though you maybe doing great or even bad, please remember that you are so valuable and such an prize to the kingdom...don't forget that you have that spark of divinity in you.

God Bless...

J-Bo

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Trust No One...At First That Is

So this may not come as a surprise, but I just got another scary story about someone out there and who puts themselves at risk for contracting a serious STI. Here's the story...

One of my friends went out last night chilling with this gay guy. They met through a mutual person and my friend is just looking for cool people to hang with. He has a man and is not looking for someone else.

That and he is now working design for Columbia Presbyterian Hospital and works in the clinic sometime and the people and stuff he sees scares him so much that he now realizes my stories and advice are not far-fetched, but battle learned lessons.

So he is at this guys house which I told him to watch his back at. I said you have to be careful cause it is hard for the majority of gay people to just be friends. You think that someone just wants to hang and chill, but they are actually working on getting inside of your pants. It never fails...NEVER!!!

I guess that is why I have so few gay friends cause they all wanted to fuck at a time when I was with Van and also I wasn't down for the cause. I just wanted good solid friends...not likely. :-(

A lesson I tried to teach Van and others, but most learn the hard way when they have to fend off serious advances and most fall into having sex and most of it is unprotected. Sad but true.

So he is at this guys house and he starts showing him pics of all the men he's slept with, and who are trying to sleep with him. Then he undresses infront of him. Then they end up watching Titanic together and have a good time with that.

He calls me when it is done to tell me that dude has a 149 IQ level, goes to NYU, and makes serious paper. None of that means anything to me if the guy doesn't have a good heart and is a servant. Apparently he is.

But here is the kicker. Homeboy told me friend about this guy he slept with who when he went to the bathroom he saw medicine for HIV/AIDS. The guy was upset cause the guy said he was negative and was clean...then when confronted said he did have HIV/AIDS. O_o

I woulda flipped the fuck out. He said he got checked and he is in fact negative, but that did it for my friend. He wasn't looking to do anything, but this made him appreciate his man even more cause shit is real out there.

I was shocked, but then again I wasn't.

It was a sad, sad situation.

So my rule still stands.

Everyone is guilty until proven innocent and even then WEAR PROTECTION!!!!!!!!

So that is my rant and lesson for the day...I think.

I know we all get caught up in the moment, but that really isn't an excuse anymore. Use protection, ask someone about their status, and please remember people will lie to you...even those you trust.

It will probably be a long time, before I fall back into a relationship with someone for two reasons. I don't trust no man or woman with my life, and when I am in a relationship I have to be in love with you. i have to want to be with you, and you me. It becomes to the point where we go from being a you and me to being a we.

That takes time.

Yessir.

My last relationship was like that, but we got deep into it faster than I thought we would. We just bonded and clicked real fast.

Maybe it will happen like that again and maybe it won't.

It at least thought me some very valuable lessons that I needed to learn about myself and others. One of them is again: "When people show you who they are, especially when they tell you, BELIEVE THEM. They knew them better than you do."

So now I need to get these songs off to the producer...I keep sitting on my hands with these.

I realize what my problem is. I am so damn scared of being successful. It's not that I think I won't make it...I know I will. I mean I really do know that I will be the top of the top, and that scares me.

I know the greatness that comes with that, but I am so scared of the responsibility, scrutiny, and the fact that people do everything to find something wrong or bad to exploit and attack. I just don't want to be alone, I don't want all the stigma and baggage that comes along with being successful.

But there is a price to be paid for everything. I just have to pay it. I have to be willing to let my light truly shine...no matter what.

Daily walk...daily bread...daily renewals.

J-Bo

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Keys To A Great Relationship

This applies to both men and women gay and straight.

A lot of these are the same principles that I used in my previous relationship. That's why it worked so well. But like that old relationship you cannot be with someone not on your level. So keep that in mind. Better to be friends than to do something foolish.

When someone shows you who they are, especially when they tell you, TRUST AND BELIEVE THEM!!!!

http://www.discreetcity.com/1/post/2013/06/podcast-episode-13.html



J-Bo

Desiderata - Words for Life

Desiderata - Words for Life

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

If

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

~ Rudyard Kipling 

J-Bo

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A New Day

So I want to stop and smell the roses. Life has been really good for me. I am making some serious moves, it just is going SO SLOW!!!!!!!!! :-(

I talked to the Dean of the Humanities department today and I think I am working on getting some serious business contacts from him. :-)

I am going kinda crazy today...I am working on building 8+ businesses at once. I know I know. What the hell is wrong with me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I am going to make it work.

So besides that I am going do my best and tomorrow I work hard and work long.

Pray for me people.

I wanna share a word of warning. Be careful going out to people's houses and taking drinks or stuff from them. I heard a friend of a friend just got date raped. He went to some "cool" guys house. Was offered a drink and next thing he realized was that he was waking up 5 hours later.

He was full of cum and leaking cum and some blood. Guess they were a little rough. That is not the only thing. They also found ecstasy and cocaine in his system. I think what happened is that they took the powdered ex and put it on their dick and put it inside of him.

People can be really shitty and dangerous.

Please take care of yourselves.

I have also decided to go out on 2 dates. One female and one male. They have been hounding me for dates for weeks now and I figure why not. I am not looking for a relationship from them, but they are sweet and I enjoy people's company so why not.

So I got the fem dude...hopefully not too fem. -_-

And this super sexy hot ghetto hood girl. -_-

We shall see...I don't know what they see in me, but it is what it is.

Now to wait for my mom so I can go home and get some sleep. Look out world. And I have decided to close this blog and start another one...wait for future notices on that.

J-Bo

Monday, June 17, 2013

Good Bye...Soon

So I just wanted to drop in and say writing songs are not as hard as I thought. Especially not when you are working with some of the best, creative, and well-known writers in the business.

I am very lucky to have these contacts, and I just need to get them done and get them done asap.

So keep me in your thoughts and prayers and I will do the same for you.

The other thing that I wanted to tell you guys is that within the next 30 days I will no longer be writing this blog. I am going to give it up. But I am starting a new one that dictates where I am now in my life.

This blog though it has provided to be more than a great outlet is a relic to me now.

I no longer feel the title suits me. It actually never did. I don't define myself by those words so I don't even know what the hell I was thinking. So I am going to change it.

I am not sure how I will do it.

I know I will link to my new blog in this blog when I am done, and if I can have this blog route people to me new one, but the day is coming. I am reaching a whole other level and I gotta be done with the things of the past.

I have to move on.

I had a nice long conversation helping my friend in ATL and through helping her from 11pm-4:30am I was getting some help and therapy that I needed. So I know what it is that I need to do. Honor and respect my past, live in my present, and shape my future.

God is truly blessing me everyday.

Off to try and get a nap before my voice lesson.

Have a productive day people.

J-Bo

Sunday, June 16, 2013

My Father’s Journey To Accepting His Gay Son

Nice Father's Day story that I wanted to share with you all. I think that it can help and it would mean a lot to all of you out there who feel that it is hopeless and that things are the way they are period.

-------------------------------------------------

Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf  <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Times; panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:"MS 明朝"; panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:128; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:fixed; mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;} @font-face {font-family:"MS 明朝"; panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:128; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:fixed; mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} -->

Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.

Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.

Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”

I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.

It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?

A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.

My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.

We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.

- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf

Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf
Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf
Sidelining political correctness for just a bit; growing up, I was a pretty gay kid. I played with Barbies with my female cousins for a tad too long. My favorite Disney movie was “The Little Mermaid.” I was obsessed with “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” and the first, second and third artist I saw in concert was Janet Jackson. I was young. I was obviously gay. And I was being raised by a single, black father in the 90s.
Today we discuss homosexuality with far more candor than we did even 15 years ago. Scripted television has given us diverse portrayals of gay relationships, while blogs and social media outlets have made shared dialogue more accessible to diverse populations. Politics and policies are shifting, as Americans start engaging homosexuality in a manner that challenges our country’s long-held notions of morality and entitlement. But back in 1995, my father was a man with no CNN special or scholarly debate panel teaching him to raise a boy who might be gay.
Naturally, as I grew older, my sexual orientation became clearer to my father. If one were to casually benchmark budding masculinity by way of sports, girls and male-bonding, then I was woefully underdeveloped. I was never the kid who wanted to throw a football or bring home a girlfriend, and I didn’t have many male friends until college. I never thought any of those things made me less of a man, until my father told me so.  When I was 11 years old, probably listening to an Aaliyah cassette while ignoring a Bulls game, my father sat me down to say, “I’ve only ever wanted a son, and if you decide that you’re gay don’t ever tell me. I’ll want nothing to do with you.”
I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t know how to do that because I knew that he loved me.  Instead, I settled for being angry with him, and hating myself because I knew that I’d never be able to change myself.  Being gay had never been a cognitive choice for me, and so the only “decision” I had in the matter was whether or not I would tell my father or any other person. In the instant that my father told me it was wrong for me to be gay, I felt like I would never be anything else. No other part of my being mattered, as my existence seemed to turn exclusively toward finding a way to hide what I had been told was an unforgivable flaw.
It took years for me to recognize that cycle, and begin to make peace with my sexuality. A large part of that journey has been about forgiving my father and working to see him as a person, not just as my parent. What does it mean for a man to recognize that his only son is gay; and how does he negotiate the space where expectation meets reality?
A number of arguments regarding sexuality and masculinity, especially those that discuss them within the sphere of the African-American family, cite a strong father figure as the necessary component to rearing a boy toward manhood. In America we’ve learned to praise single mothers for their vitality, but still consider them a settlement in the absence of a male presence. There are people who will argue that gay men weren’t properly conditioned as men by an older male in their youth, and that’s the reason for their sexuality. On a larger scale, so much of American culture is still rooted in dated gender expectations and nuclear family concepts that our fathers can’t help but find themselves consumed with the idea of raising “a man,” instead of the more thoughtful notion of raising an individual.
My father went to work every day. He attended every single parent/teacher conference, and was the first one at any extracurricular event I participated in – even as it became obvious that it would always be school plays, and never a football game. He knew that he was a good provider, and the best parent that he could be. But I imagine that noticing that his only son might be gay made him feel like he had failed at being a good man – because he had been told that a good man raises his son to be the same, and a good man is not a gay man. So I watched my father work to appreciate me, and separate the son he was raising from the son that he thought I should be. I’m sure that for so many fathers of gay men the struggle is quite the same: working against the confines of traditional masculinity.
We have to relieve that tension by continuing in thoughtful conversation, and ultimately working to at least reconsider what we’ve deemed socially conventional.  We have to complicate what it means to be a man in America, so that our fathers don’t feel like failures when their sons say “I’m gay.” And more importantly, so that any boy in the world working to understand his sexuality will know that whatever comes of that journey, he is worthy of love, and the only thing he ever has to be is himself.
- See more at: http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/06/my-fathers-journey-to-accepting-his-gay-son/#sthash.IYo3g4kr.dpuf

Happy Father's Day