So things have been pretty good as of late. I don't have any big news, but things are getting better. I have decided to become a substitute teacher while I work on my other things. I don't want to be without anymore and this will help me stay afloat.
Some friends wanted to get together in the city and go to karaoke, but I didn't make it. I didn't feel like going out without the ez-pass and my parents didn't get home till late. I wouldn't get into the city until 2am and then that leaves me till only 3am to have fun.
Not worth it.
I was going to stay at somebodies house. There is this guy and girl that I've just been talking to that said I could stay the night if I wanted. They told me that if I needed to rest my head for the night I was more than welcome.
I'm not really feeling them, and they woulda wanted sex. I don't want to have sex with them.
For some reason my ex has been on my mind a lot. Either I've been missing him or I've thinking of him with other men.
I don't know why he is so on my mind. I really don't. I was talking to my friends that don't know anything about him just to talk it out.
They were all nice, but one of them did tell me that since he was the one who broke it off that it is clear that he doesn't love me or care about me. I don't believe that...or I don't want to believe it.
I have to remember that he is with someone else, that he is happy and in love with someone else, and that he doesn't even consider me a friend.
Also my cousin whom I do love, but the man does seem to bring and cause trouble is back in prison. Or that is what he told me at least.
So that is all there is for the most part. I know that there is more that I am doing, but nothing that I think is big enough to tell right now.
I am running and operating about 5 different businesses right now...and it is very nerve racking, but I do nothing that is not big. When I start teaching I won't have as much free time, but that isn't an excuse.
Just wait and see things are happening. :-)
Pray for me you guys...and also please pray that if it was so wrong to love and care about Van that it all go away. I don't know about him, but it seems that I am the only one feeling feelings.
Like I said it isn't even about the sex even though I do miss the touch of his hands on my body and his lips. Lemme stop cause I am getting myself all stupid over here.
I miss my friend and the man who knew me better than most.
Oh well...he is going to be going to medical school next year in the Fall. I cannot say how proud of him I am...how happy I am that he is doing what it is that he is doing.
I wonder if when he talks about medicine it is more than just a job. He was always more alive when he was talking about music, singing, performing, especially when he was talking about helping the children.
I think that something more fulfilling for him is out there, but like most and I am victim of that as well is that I get caught up on how things are suppose to happen and what is suppose to happen.
I used to think that I would have to become a teacher since I come from a family of teachers and educators. Also education is always a number 1 prioroty in my family.
But I always dreamed of being a teacher, doctor, priest/bishop, archaeologist, musician, actor, mogul, tycoon, rich, traveler, philanthropist, activist, biologist, superhero, zoologist, vet, and more.
I was a weird kid. I wanted to be and do it all.
Now I gotta get to work. My next challenge is raising money for these deals. I am so scared and nervous...I don't wanna do it. Just gotta. Already talking to people, but gotta make it official.
Update in a few.
J-Bo
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