Van and myself

You guys wanted to know about me and Van. Here is the story.

I met him during the last few months of Fall 2010...like around October. He was in a vocal ensemble class and me and a friend of ours sat in to hear them rehearse. I saw him then, and thought who was this gay kid, and why I never see him in any music classes. I quickly dismissed it, because I didn't want to assume even though I believed he really was.

Some time later we were in chorus which is after vocal ensemble and I was playing Total Praise. This boy eyes popped open. he just looked at me and started to sing, but of course I couldn't remember how the song went, so I only got like 3/4 of the way though. Some more time passes and winter break happens.

There was a voice seminar and he called me to see if I was going to be there. First I was like who the hell is this kid, and why does he have my number and e-mail. He was stalking me!!!!! :-)

We spent the 2 days together at the voice seminar, and it was all cool. Then I don't see him for a couple of weeks till school starts up again. For some reason we meet up on the first day of school and end up talking for hours. I of course start talking about sex. At this point I knew homey was gay, but he didn't say anything, so I didn't ask any question.

I've been around the block a few times, and know a gay church boy when I see one...and Van is as gay as they come. But I could tell that he was in denial and didn't want to say anything. So we leave the library and were about to break off from each other to go to our respective buildings. He tells me he has something to say and he was worried I will look at him differently.

At this point I knew it was coming. I knew I was right, and when he told me he was gay and was struggling with it, I told him one of my sexual tryst with a man in a McDonald's bathroom.

DON'T JUDGE ME!!!! :-)

He was so shocked and relieved. That was on a Friday, and from that day till Monday THAT BOY WAS ON MY  MIND!!!!!

Monday comes and he calls me after one of my classes are done. I was over the moon, but kept it real cool. We talked for hours with all my friends that have become is friends now too were talking to me. He was really impressed that so many people knew me, and were talking to me. I was impressed too now that I know about it. I even missed my classes for him. He has had a hold on me from the very beginning. SMH!!! ;-)

So out of nowhere he says he wants to kiss me. I was like no. I knew that a closet church boy who doesn't want to be gay was trouble. It was one thing if he accepted himself, but I could tell he was in major denial, and that it was not worth it. He kept on asking me, and I said no again and again. I was really hesitant...I didn't want to deal with another screwed up kid who was late on the uptake.

The elevator opened and he just said come on. I followed without thinking. THAT BOY HAS SUCH A HOLD ON ME!!!!!! :-)

We get on the elevator and so do a lot of people. Van was not happy, but as soon as we got to the 4th floor they all got off, and when those doors closed he said lay it on me. AND I DID!!!!!!!! :-D


It wasn't no lemme get to know you kiss...it was two lovers that have known each other their whole lives kissing...it has always been that. Something about him has always been familiar. That was the beginning. From there he asked me to be his valentine, and we have been going strong eve since.

Of course because he was raised to believe that being gay is wrong his family has been hard and fast to make sure he didn't do anything. They did everything save of taking him to a shrink or try to beat the gay out of him.  There have been a number of times where we have broken up because of his convictions. Basically Monday through Saturday he was good and we were happy...then Sunday comes and he would go through the motions.

It has been about 1 and 1/2 years since we have been together. We have had our ups and downs, and made it through it all.

So where are we today??

Honestly if I had to call it we are together. Even during our breaks when we got back together it was like we were never apart. Today was no different. He made a lot of comments about him being gay and proud. He was flirting with our mutual friend Aaron...it was cute. I mean the boy is as gay as they come. Everything is moving him to be him and grow up and move on, but he of course is trying to hold onto his past.

He is honestly trying to find a balance between his sexuality and spirituality. Once he finds a balance that works he will be more consistent. His views on being gay and saved are a little skewed, but he is with people that love and support him for him. Versus his family and church friends that would judge and cast him out.

God is working in his life getting him to move forward and move into new and scary territory for him. We talked today about him moving out, and stuff. He even mentioned us staying at each other's place.

So Van and I are together, and that is that. We both want this relationship, and the only thing holding us back is that he feels he can't because of God. But that isn't true and he knows it. Everyone is saying when he speaks about being gay isn't for him and all that stuff they feel he is trying to convince himself. No one believes him, and he doesn't either.

He tells me he isn't meant to be this way, but when he says it his whole body changes...he becomes dark and depressed. But when he talks about being him, and still loving Jesus his eyes light up. That is the truth...even Aaron said it. Van is getting both sides of him in order, and when that happens he will take over the world!!!!

He said he wants to marry me, and he actually asked me before I asked him. We are already married spiritually...just gotta do it legally. That will come years down the line. :-)

He said I am part of his destiny, and that he is getting past his issues because he needs me. Me and Van are doing great...I just want more consistency, but he everything in God's time.

J-Bo