On my knees...

Not like that you nasty asses!!! :-)

I've been praying so much...

I just been asking God for like the millionth time why make me feel like this?? Why bring me someone that makes me so happy that it kills me inside to not have them near me?? What sick game is this??

Of course everything happens for a reason, and the feelings keep on going. The only thing that helps me stop feeling and thinking about Van is working, and working hard. I guess this is why so many people throw themselves into a career and end up alone. I guess it's easier to ignore your feelings, than to embrace them.

Then I got Anita telling me her young girl problems which are easy and amusing so they help.

I got Dishone who is madly in love with Aaron, and who wants him back staying away, because he hurt him bad. He did...nothing that can't be fixed and healed, but that will take two adults and they are still growing as we all are.

Aaron told his girlfriend he had a thing for guys. He can't say he still does cause that causes problems. And it is true that gay men should not be with women, but he needed what the separation from Dishone caused him...love and intimacy. Now this fool is talking to me about him wanting kids, because he wants to start a family...all cause he wants his kids and Steve's son to grow up together.

And I got the kids from down south telling me that Van is going for medical school. I am so proud of him, but I cannot tell him anything so I told them to make sure they let him know how happy they are for him. I also told them to make sure he sleeps cause he knows it, and a career as a doctor who is opera singer is a cool idea.

He should satisfy both sides of him.

Now I gotta finish this paper, and suck up to this professor, and make sure everything is cool. The business looks like it is picking up steam...and everything is getting set. I already have an awesome 5 bedroom picked out. CAN"T WAIT!!!! =)

So now back to work, and I am throwing myself into it. Gonna be exhausting, but I can do it. If I can keep up a work pace and just stay focused I should not think about Van at all. I know some of you think that is extreme, but it is what it is.

I also asked him for my last homework he owes me. He said I will get it by today so we shall see. I am looking forward to getting it. Been talking to Dishone and Aaron a lot about the situation and others and everyone from all walks of life and Christians are confounded. God gotta work something out...maybe I should take a plane ticket as my gift and leave this country for a while.

I have a benchmark to make...the highest paid doctor I know is making $600,000 a year. But of course they spent so much money and time and resources to get there and they work almost all year round with very little time off. I met a man that makes that much and works a total of 3 months a year. Of course he is a business owner and investor, so I got work to do. He takes 4 vacations a year, helps family and friends when they need it, gives to charities, he contributes big time to his church, and he has time to pursue his passion.

So much to do, and I am excited and blessed to be chosen.

J-Bo

P.S. Why when I am doing work and having a good time, my mother ask me about this man? Asking me how he is doing, and for me to tell him she is thinking about him and missing him. I think she really sees him as part of the family. Even my niece asked about this man!!!! SMH!!!! Funny...real funny God!! :-)