BFA RECITAL!!!!!

Just got home and everything hurts. I have a major headache...a major one.

So I see that Van called me, about walking home. Not sure how he found out. I know that the kids read it, and maybe one of them told him.

Tomorrow is my last performance as a CCNY student, and it is bittersweet. 2x as much because deep down I want Van there...I want him there for me. But to be honest he won't come, and if he does then there are like 3 other people for him to go watch including a really high coloratura soprano that he will be very impressed with.

So I expect him to not show up, or to ignore me totally. He'll probably come in real late and time it to miss me, since I am 3rd on the program. Why do I care?? -_-

I texted him telling him I have no idea what he is talking about and I am home safe and warm. I hate lying to him, but does it matter if he doesn't care about me?

In other news, my father calls and gives me advice from Trinidad. The man is awesome...so awesome. He is so good for watching a show like Oprah or Dr. Phil and then sitting each of his kids and grandkids down and asking us problems. He operates under the assumptions to always be willing to learn and grow because things are changing and we never know everything.

Why doesn't Van and his family do the same thing?!?!?! Especially since they are all men and women of science and education. How can they believe that they have all the answers and are without fault...HOW CAN VAN BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!?!?

It just makes me so mad that he is so bold and cocky that he believes that his church knows all about what God wants. I mean that is why their are so many denominations...because we all don't have the total picture. I swear he wants confirmation from family first and foremost, but how can he get that if he is not willing to stand up and say this is who I am. If he is not willing to trust that he is who he is and that is right...especially with all the proof out there.

I mean if we believed we had all the answers to everything we wouldn't have ipods, pcs, HD TV, 3D movies, no slavery, modern medicine, science, health and fitness industry, and more.

AND WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS THAT I AM HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO IS STUCK IN BELIEVING THAT THINGS DON'T CHANGE UNLESS IT IS SOMETHING THAT HE WAS BROUGHT UP BELIEVING WOULD NOT CHANGE!!!!!

I am just ranting at this point, but it is what it is. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and thinking that there is, is the same as believing in slavery, women are less than men, and that the earth is the center of the universe. ALL THINGS THAT THE BIBLE SPEAKS AGAINST AS BEING WRONG!!!!!!

Not to mention the man loves his pork and the bible talks about it:

1. Leviticus 11: 7-8

Not usually the bible scripture person, but I wanted to get my point across. I WANT TO HIT HIM SO HARD!!!

I know that he is talking to someone that believes it is wrong, but that is stupid. He isn't getting helped, just getting placated. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! -_-

Now to eat. :-)

J-Bo