My Testimony...

I was born into a really great loving family. We played together, ate together, prayed together, and just had a great time. I come from a very big and loving West Indian family. It is rare to see it, but both sides of my family get along really well. My mom is from Barbados, and my Dad is from Trinidad and Tobago. Like any person born into a West Indian family I had very strong ties to my heritage and also to God.

Growing up I was the picture of what every little boy should be. I really was one to please everyone, and even today people see me as a great example of a nice young man. Guess mom and dad did a great job on me. Everything was great, until one day I realized I liked boys. Now I was having sex for a long time (I have always been a little fast) and I never saw anything wrong with it.

Then I realized what gay actually meant. I thought I was okay, because I was bisexual. I have been sleeping with both sexes for a long time. FYI: I am clean and healthy and sane for the most part...so God is truly Good, because I have been told that I should be in the crazy house or in a hospital bed with all sorts of STDs. I have to admit God has been very merciful.

I went through life knowing who I was, but I had a deep seeded resentment for me. I mean in church you hear being gay is wrong, and also my family said being gay is wrong. They never really said that, but it was clear to infer that because most West Indians are against homosexualit...like it is punishable by death.

So I went through life feeling really bad. I would abstain and throw myself at women, but nothing helped. I knew that I loved that dick and ass, but I kept fighting. I loved out my life in secret shame, and never really gave 110% of me. I mean I was always worried of people seeing it, so I always kinda tried to stay in the back...not easy for a giant black man to do.

So how did I come out of this? My friends.

Over the years following high school when I was at my lowest I met the Big 3 at different times. Now they weren't all my big 3 at the time, but w were building the foundation...God was doing something great in our lives.

Having these three to talk to and share and get everything out helped me to come to terms with who I am. Then I saw that I had a gay aunt, and everybody accepted and loved her. She was part of the family and nothing was going to change that. I also let it slip to some cousin and stuff and they could care less...it was whatever to them.

Now I know some will have something to say, but in the end it is my life and they ain't going to pay my bills, wipe my ass, or do anything else for me. Besides my partner it is me and Jesus that look out for me.

Then in church of course there is the usual dogma that happens and goes on about how it is wrong. During this time I was just getting back into church, and was still fighting what to do. Then I heard about pastors going back to the original and studying the history to get deeper meaning. I started to ask why. That is how I found out the truth about the KJV....that is how I found out that something was missing.

I started to do the research myself and I started to ask alot of questions. I found the proof that the bible does not speak against homosexuality. That historically there is nothing that shows Jesus was ever against homosexuals and he accepted and loved everyone. All Jesus wanted was for all of us to come to him, be baptized in water and in spirit, and praise God.

I know there are more stuff, but I like to paraphrase sometimes. :-)

So with all this knowledge and wisdom I was still stuck. I was going around and around in circles. Even today...I am feeling the affects. It wasn't until I realized that subconsciously I was still being ruled and controlled by old beliefs and habits.

I thought I had put those things aside, but I was still carrying around baggage from all the years before and it is sabotaging me even today.

 I wanted to find out why we do what we do and why some people live extraordinary lives and others just get by. I wanted to know what makes the difference. It hasn't been easy, but I am starting to rally get it, and make major differences in my own life.

I realized that I am still being influenced by old things about health, religion, God, money, and more. I am making the change, but it has been one hell of a journey. There are some things i ma leaving out because I don't remember them all and it will all come out in my memoirs. :-)

So I am shaping my destiny. God gave us the tools to create anything we want...from life, a garden, businesses, friendships, and more. It amazes me how much we are given, and all we are asked to do is to give of ourselves, but so few do it.

I have to thank all the mentors that I have in my life. They give me a great road map, and idea of what I want.

I used to worry everyday about Heaven and Hell issues...especially coming from an apostolic church where everything is a heaven and hell issue. Then I remember what is required of me to be saved, and that I serve a God that is too good even for me to describe.

These are some of the things that I shared with Tim, and it made the difference. I love my life you guys. I mean not everyday all day, because we all have our down moments, but everyday I feel blessed and I love my life.

J-Bo