About Me...

So I had all my dates today. It was great getting out there again. Of course I was thinking of Van the whole time.

It was interesting to be with these 2 gorgeous eligible men, and one hot woman (she is really just arm candy), but I was so preoccupied. Why am I thinking of this man?!?!? I know why...I just hate it.

It is so weird being in love...I never thought I would, but here I am. I had my ipod on shuffle and Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" came on and I almost broke down. Listening to the words and singing the song, made me miss Van so much.

But this song makes me feel a little better. I just want the best for him, and even though I believe it is me and God put us together for a reason, I have to respect that we are in two different places in our lives right now.

Lemme not make this about him. :-)

On another note tomorrow I start a long day of studying and relaxing and just planning and getting things in order. I have been looking at my private jet that I want to get, and it is looking more and more appetizing.

I know if I want it, I am going to have to work smart...so that is what I am going to do. I have so many dreams that I want to accomplish, and I still see Van as sharing in them with me. The only thing is that I don't know if I see him as my husband, or just a friend, but either way it works for me.

Van is a great friend and we were put together for a reason. I gotta get these proposals to him...I've been stalling because I am so scared I am not good enough and will fail. I gotta control my mind. He is a sharp guy and looks at things differently so he can spot holes that I need to make them stronger.

Iron sharpens iron.

J-Bo

P.S. I know some of you sent me e-mails about me telling Van about how I feel. Van will never know how I feel...going to just be as goofy and simple as possible. It really isn't that important for him to know...I mean we are really great friends, but I don't see the point in telling him anything about it. I mean we had a relationship it ended and now we are friends and I feel nothing...that's my story and I am sticking to it. I've even managed to train my eyes and face to be expressionless. :-)

P.P.S. This song is one that I was just singing, but that is only b/c of youtube. Means nothing.