Going back to my Roots

So today was an interesting day. I got to go back to my old church and it was fun. I was raised Catholic and it was so refreshing...I forgot that my church has a no BS attitude and just a carefree loving atmosphere. It is always nice to go back and look, but I am heading forward.

My mom told them I was graduating, and they all made me get up and take a bow. I was asked to come back and sing. It was really nice and touching...makes me almost want to cry.

Besides that I got a few dress clothes that were needed, but I desperatly need to go shopping and get all new clothes for all occasions.

I also have to look into volunteering into getting the word out that African Americans are losing the right to vote, and they are making it harder to vote, and changing up the requirements. The sad thing is that this is going on and no one knows about it so we are stuck in the dark. I cannot be a victim or be a fool.

Now I just have to plan my day for tomorrow, and wait for my friend Aaron. He broke up with his girl (knew that was coming) and he wants to hang out. He already knew no woman wants to be with a gay man, but compared to Van and Dishone we pass very well and make it work. So now he said he is going to be hard...smh.

That boy wants to be in a relationship...time will tell.

I wonder if I should tell Van that I actually missed the pentecostal feel. I mean I miss the catholic church, but I have outgrown them...I have matured and raised myself up so that isn't enough anymore. Oh well that is the cost of growing and changing.

My mother said it today...there are people that will never go far, because they want to stay where they are and accomplish alot. I will never forget one of my mentors a billionaire told me to get to where I want to be I cannot do what I have been doing.

Makes me think of Van, but he isn't surrounded by people that are always pushing on, and looking to do more and more. I am...so for me staying comfortable and not change and grow is very painful. For him to change and grow means to leave people behind, but since everyone is pretty much stuck...he doesn't have much to look up to.

Why am I talking about this man?? Because I love him, and I miss him, but just friends we are sadly. Want more, but what can I do?? He will always own my heart, and I will always own his, but until he gets the strength and courage to want more and raise himself up we are stuck.

So on other news there was this black muscle GOD outside of my church today. I was just staring at him openly...it was so damn sad. :-)

Anyway...all I can think about is Van, but I cannot do anything about that.

I am planning a trip. Maybe a cruise or a roadtrip...or a roadtrip to the cruise location, and then fly back...or any combination. We shall see. That reminds me I have to send Van my stuff...got a few pages to finish and then I can send it in.

Making moves. I only want excellence, growth, change, and the best. Van might be too scared to gof or it himself because it is outside of his comfort zone, but I am more than willing to live it for the both of us. I want the best of the best, and to be able to leave a legacy long after I am gone. God is too good for me to do anything else.

Cannot wait fora vacation...but for some reason it feels like I will have fun, but something will be missing. Maybe I need to make it bigger.

J-Bo