What is it to be a real man?

Sometimes as men we walk around not knowing what to do.

I mean I have a father in my life, my whole life, and it is still not easy.

I am sitting here getting some work done, and planning my day, and I am so close to tears. It is so scary going through life. It is so scary having to decide what to do, and not knowing what is around the corner.

Am I scared??? Hell yeah I am.

I am terrified...but I will not give up. No one can make a better life for me, than me, and I have to take responsibility of my own destiny.

God has given me the tools to make my dreams a reality. I literally can have my cake and eat it too...it was promised to all of us. God is not a God that he should lie. He is a great God, and I am his child.

It is hard, but I am taking control of everything in my life. I am luck to see my parents have left a pretty good example, and if I was to just follow them I would live a good life and have more than most. That is what Van has taught me...I am lucky with what I have.

But the thing is that I want more. I desire more. Van would ask me if it is what God wants for me, and I have to say yes. He would probably say how do I know?? I would have to answer is that it is because I feel it in my gut.

I want the best, I want to be the best, and I want to leave the best for the world. That is what I feel. I mean it is just like how I know that I am doing the right thing. I mean Van has a real desire to help and heal and serve children...he wants to do something for them that didn't happen for him as a child.

I am not sure if he knows that, but his career choice stems from him filling a void left in his childhood.

Van is right when he says I will do extraordinary things...I want to do them. I want to help as many people as possible. My idols really are Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Oprah, and more. Men and women who have made an impact and continue to do so in the world...long after they are gone, and while they are here.

My number one goal is to bring out the best in me, and to bring the best out in others as well. I think that is what Jesus wants us to do.

The journey isn't going to be easy, but it is so worth it. It makes me think of the great journey that Van is going on...of course he lacks flexibility, but he is getting better at that. I have a friend that spent 15 years in med school, and he told me what he had to go through.

If Van is going to go through this he is going to need some serious resolve...he is in for some serious test, and it isn't going to be easy. My friend told me the amount of people that group out and the many reasons why they do, and a lot of those qualities I see in Van.

He admits to being a pessimist, and being a person who is really low in his life. Not something that breeds and extraordinary life.

But he can do it...if he wants it. He will have to make changes that are already taking place. I know I am going to do it.

Of course I look forward to making his top annual salary in a month with all the freedom to do what I want with it. I like to challenge him because he thinks small and linear...where I think big and geometric.

There is enough proof to show that you can have one or the other, but he is used to linear and little growth...I am not used to that.

I am now thinking of the arguement we always had about who would pay for what and how much expenses would be split. I would say we would split it down the middle, but that wouldn't be fair.

Now I am rambling, so I have to go. :-)

So now I am off to school to practice, and to hear a friend sing. Then I am back home for some work. Everyone have a great day.

J-Bo