Update on Tim from Tim... =)

Hello guys. I am Tim...you might remember me from the kid who was found in the street crying and bloody from his father and mother beating and neglecting him.

I wanted to start the post off with this. Something that J-Bo shared with me:

‎"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." - Steve Jobs

"Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work." - Booker T. Washington

I want to tell you guys where I have been am what has been going on in my life. I am at a very scary place, but it is my life and the sky really is the limit.

As you may or may not know I was kicked out of my house for being gay. My father and mother are two very conservative religious folk. I mean they are the type to judge you in a real quick hurry, and say they have the right. You can see them as being the religious people that everyone talks about. Smh.

So I was talking to Jay and I was asking him what to do. He then asked me what did I want to do, and what God wanted for me. It was a scary and deep question. I know what I want, but I only know what my family says God wants for me.

So I was stuck. I only had what I was told 100 times before what God wanted for me. I realized that I was stuck believing what my parents did. That I didn't have my own voice...I had their voice. It is a scary thing when you realize you have no voice.

But I just told Jay that I wanted to go back home, and that it is what God wanted for me. So when I go back home, I am treated like a prisoner. I get no internet time, and my phone calls are being watched. I just went with it, because I felt this is what God wanted for me to do.

They went really hard on the gay bashing and really wanted me to jump in and join in on the hate. It was so embarrassing, and hurtful.

I felt that I was stuck. Why did others in my family get to get away and live freely, but I was trapped. I felt that God wanted me to be regular, when deep down inside I wanted to be great. I felt trapped following a plan...and I didn't know what to do.

So I was so lost...and I felt stuck following this plan. I felt so rigid and I had no fluiditiy in my life. It was sad, and Jay tried to help, but for some reason I didn't want it. I really wanted the help, but I don't know why I was so reluctant to the help.

Anyway I want you guys to know that I am out of that house, and with people that really love and support me. I couldn't do it anymore. I realized that they will have me bend over backwards for them forever. I cannot please my parents, so I best stop trying.

I talk to them, and told them they will see me on birthdays and holidays. So the next birthday is my mother on July 5th, and the holiday is July 4th so they get to see me two days in a row. It is time for me to feel good about me...I cannot live for them only me.

I feel scared about my decision but I am ready. I will no longer let the very thought of something bad happening to me, be the cause of me not going for my dreams. No matter what happens to me, I will not give up and I will be strong.

Guys I no longer am on track to be a lawyer...something my parents wanted, and said God has blessed me to do. I am flying to LA to apprentice to be a cook. I love to cook and I am following my dreams.

I met this wonderful guy...a Bajan man and he makes me so happy. We make each other so happy. Of course he is sad to see me go to LA for a whole year, but we are going to make it work. Something about him just makes me feel. It was like our souls linked up immediately and we haven't been able to stay away from each other.

So I leave for LA in a month, and he is going to be coming to visit me. He has his own business and has the money to come visit me, but he cannot stay because he has things here in the states to work on, but we will see each other.

Then towards the end of the year he is going to spend 2 months with me in Paris when I head over there. I am going to be there for a month before him, and we are going to have a great time.

If I can leave you guys with anything it is to not fear change. Do not fear growth. It is scary, but remember that Jesus wasn't a punk. He had people against him his whole life, but that never stopped him.

I love my family, but I have to do my own thing. I have a good job that helps me support myself, and I have a man that supports me also. I am all for people standing on their own two feet. I know that sometimes it feels you cannot, but remember if you had to do it, then you could do it.

I am a living testimony that God is good and he loves us all. I am telling all of you that there is nothing wrong with you, and you can do it all. You can have everything you want, and the only thing standing in your way is you.

I used to think that I was wrong and was so scared, but I serve a God of courage, strength, and joy...not one of limitations, fear, and mediocrity.

I LOVE MY LIFE...BECAUSE I DICTATE WHAT I DO!!!!!!

That is all for now you guys. Also don't think that my insecurities and fears don't come back. I feel them almost everyday, but I will not be scared. I will not be a victim...I will be strong, and I will be a MAN OF GOD first and foremost!!!!

I want to thank Jay for giving me the chance to share this with you guys. There is so much that I want to share, but time does not permit. I hope to give you all an update as time goes on.

Tim

P.S. Now that I am finding God for myself and actually studying and going deep into the word and not just accepting the standard answer I am growing by leaps and bounds.