I want to give you guys the second part of the relationship stuff, and then I will give you guys another post that is me doing all the exercises and showing you guys where I am at, and what I am working on.
I know that no one is perfect especially me, yet we are all thriving for that perfect balance at all times.
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Power of Relationships: The
Power of Selection
Select the
Qualities You Need in a Relationship
Relationships
last when both people have the same or complementary natures. Follow the example
set by business leaders and consider three things in evaluating a potential
relationship (business or personal):
·
Can they do the job? Can they be your partner?
·
Will they do the job? The answer will be yes if the job or
relationship meets their personal goals and reinforces their nature.
·
Are they the right fit in terms of
values? In a personal
relationship, is there a match in terms of sensuality or sexuality.
Define Your Ultimate Relationship
This is the time
to describe your ideal partner.
If you have a
hard time coming up with you wish list, start by defining “the mate from hell.”
Write about the person you couldn’t stand to be with. What qualities would they
have? What things would they do? Then describe your ideal mate’s traits,
habits, appearance – everything you can think of that would be important to
you.
After you finish
writing out the perfect person you could possibly want and then the person you
would never want to spend time with asterisk (*) the must nevers and the musts.
These will be
things that you need to have and you need to never have in a relationship.
Now after you
have created your list you need to create a list of the what kind of person
would you have to be to attract or enhance your current relationship? You need
to become the kind of person you would like to find. Describe the values,
characteristics, conduct, and habits you would need in order to deserve the
mate you just described.
Again asterisk
the must in what you feel you need to be. After these two steps are done it is
good if in a relationship to sit down and talk to your partner. Show them your
list and hopefully they will show yours…make sure that you try to become the
best you can be, and give your all to your partner.
After you have
given 110% then sit down and talk to your partner. Know what it is that you
want absolutely, and give 110%. Make sure you give without regret and talk to
your partner in what is missing in your life.
The
relationships that you need to foster is the one with yourself, your partner,
and most importantly with God. If you do all these then you have a great chance
of working on things.
Dealing with Challenges
To close the gap
between where you are and where you want to be, you’ve got to know where you
really are. If you’re already in a relationship, go back to the “must” items on
your list. On a scale from 0-10, first rate your partner, then yourself on how
well those must are met.
If you are not
in a relationship, score yourself alone. Go back to your must items and rate
yourself on a scale from 0-10. How close
are you to being the person who will attract the kind of person you want?
How to Deal With the Inevitable
Challenges That Will Arise
Challenges show
up in every relationship. If the same ones seem to keep popping up, and if they
seem overwhelming, it may be that your natures are completely different and not
complementary or you don’t share the same values. Now it is hard if both of you
are walking in the dark, and have not had a real heart to heart conversation.
Running from a
relationship is not the answer. Anywhere you go, you take yourself wit you!
Honesty and clear communication are the only solutions.
·
Have
an honest conversation with your partner about ways to meet both your needs and
theirs.
·
Make
yourself stronger and better; give morel focus on their needs.
Sometimes you
have to make the hardest decision of all and the relationship. Get clear on
what’s best for you and the other person.
The Four R’s of Ruined Relationships
1.
Resistance
2.
Resentment
3.
Rejection
4.
Repression
There is a clear
pattern of destruction in a relationship.
The first R
happens when someone says or does something that pisses you off, and you don’t
say anything. You hold onto it for a period of time (weeks, months, decades).
You just hold onto it until one day you have had enough. If you do not talk
about it and let it out then resistance turns into resentment.
If you still
don’t deal with your problems than it turns into Rejection and then finally you
get to a place of repression where there is no passion no love. You guys are
just friends…if that. All the juice excitement and joy is out of the
relationship.
The funny thing
is that the moment the person lets it out they are just angry and they come out
looking like fools. You are no longer reacting to what actually happened, but
you are reacting to the past and all the stuff you’ve been holding onto.
Take your Relationship to the Next Level
Step 1 is to first learn to love
yourself.
For the next
seven days take 2 minutes each morning and look in the mirror and repeat, “I
love you [your name]” and give yourself specific reasons Do something for you
that shows you love yourself and care about who you are as a person. Love you
for all that you are.
Every week find
one thing about you that you can love and appreciate.
Step 2 is if you are in a relationship,
make an action plan for taking to the next level.
Make a list of
things you can do to enhance your relationship. Or, if you are truly not
matched in your natures, your values, and your goals, get really clear about
that, have an honest conversation, and make some decisions. Make game plan for what you are going to do.
Have a serious
conversation about what you are worried about, and work on it. Action is the
best remedy…sometimes just getting it out there and clear can make all the
difference.
Step 3 if you are single, make a
marketing plan for attracting your ideal mate.
Where do you
need to spend your time? Who do you need to talk to? Create a plan for the next
30 days.
Put yourself in
a situation or place that will put you with the kind of person you described as
being really committed to having in your life. i.e. church, museums, dance
studios, operas, etc.
Finishing Thoughts
Be careful with
your list though. Sometimes it takes people awhile to show you who they are of
they are new, and sometimes it takes someone great to bring out those qualities
in us…
If you get
everything you want in a relationship, but you get 2-3 must nots then it could
kill a relationship. You must be careful, because you cannot change a person.
Do not judge too
soon…give a relationship time to develop and remember that people grow and
mature, and like I said before you are not their prize peach either and it is a
marathon not a race. It is a ongoing thing and that is the best part.
Make a list of
the magic moments that you shared with the person you are in a relationship
with. Keep remembering and compiling the list of all the great moments. Look
for the little things, because if you do not then the few bad things will
overwhelm you.
Ask quality
questions on a daily basis…like how am I so lucky? Etc.
Every 10 days at
a minimum make sure you guys do something just you two, and at least every 3-6
months take a minimum of a week and go do something together. It will bond you
and make the relationship even better.
Together sit
down and remember all the great moments. And at least 4x a month spend time
together, and every 3 months go away or do something with each other. Whether
it is a whole day or a week, make it feel like it was something big. If you
cannot do a whole vacation then make that day something you two will never
forget.
Another good
thing to do in your relationships is to sit down and find out what your partner
wants to accomplish. What is his/her personal goals? What are their dreams?
Both of you need to sit down at least 1-2 a year and figure out where you guys
want to go together and as individuals.
All of us could
get depressed right now if we wanted to. We could focus on all the bad things
going on in the world, but it takes real courage to connect and love on a
different level. Sometimes we focus so much on being significant, that we
forego love and connection.
Find big and
small things to make that person feel loved and appreciated. Remember the small
things sometimes carry the biggest impact. Give and give and if there is
something that is lacking then tell them you need something from them.
Communicate it in a way that doesn’t make them feel less than.
Ask them if
there is anything you can do to make it better.
If it must be
ended then end it, but do it with love and respect.
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