Spinning my wheels...

This is going to be a quick post.

Church was cool...kinda dead in some ways. The music wasn't on, and the preaching was ok...it didn't give me what I wanted...oh well. Good thing I am not the type of person who needs church to do that work for me.

So I am home thinking about what the hell am I going to do next. I have businesses to get going, and music to learn, and so much stuff to do.

It isn't anything I cannot do, but I feel stuck. I want to do it, but something is holding me back. I think it is fear...I know it is. Deep down I have some fear going on that is holding me back and controlling my life. It is keeping me form fully living my life.

Van is good to talk to. Maybe when I speak with him tomorrow he can give me some advice and help me make a plan to get things started.

I just remembered last night Van and I were talking about what to do tomorrow when we hang. I have to try to get some money so I can pay for our food. He said not to worry. He said he has money to pay some bills, but he also has to take care of his man.

He didn't even realize he said it. I ignored it, because I know it is what he really meant, but his family's influence on him is really strong. Nothing that he cannot break, and he is changing his life.

When I look at his siblings and his cousin everyone is doing them, and moving on. They are trying to hold onto Van. There are a lot of voices in his head...I know it is hard to know which ones to listen to.

So now it is time to take a nap...I have so much to do and i am freaking out so much, that I am getting a little overwhelmed.

Plus I have a car coming to me, and I have to find a way to pay for it. SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!

J-Bo