Bones are hurting...but in a good way.

So today was fun. I didn't get to work on my own personal stuf too much, but I did get to see another Bass practice his music today. That was a lot of fun...he is auditioning for European lieder and art song schools. I am more on the opera track. :-)

I mean I will be doing recitals and shows too, but opera is my goal. I am looking for the MET for classical music and Madison Square Garden for "contemporary."

Anyway, everything happened the way I felt it should have happened today. I went to rehearsal and we had 3 hours of pure fun and excitement...I have to admit that I had a ball, and it makes me so happy I went.

I am getting better at sight reading chord symbols, and the next step is the actual notated music...I can do it, so I just have to make it happen.

I am getting ready for a full day of being productive and actionable tomorrow...I cannot let another day go by and not make some moves...Van is going to kill me if I don't get him this stuff on Friday.

Speaking of Van we had plans to meet each other, but he called it quits at the last minute. I was hoping he didn't, but he did...nothing to say about it, but it is what it is. I was texting very "angry" with him. It was all fun and games at first, and he said he was going to hurt me...

But he crossed the line when he said I was starved for attention, and when he finally decides to give it to me, then I am going to soak it all up. That really pissed me off and hurt me...he finds it all a joke and I wanna slap the gay out of him. :-)

I know I just smiled, but that was b/c of my pun at him. If it is just me that wants to see him, and he could care less either way then it is whatever. I don't want to make him come see me. I want us to have a great time, and if he is only interested in him having a good time, I don't want to hold him back.

I wanted to see that new movie Rock of Ages with him, but I swear someone is going to say something, and he is going to tell me he cannot come. It is so easy for him to cancel his plans with me, and just push me to the side...I wish it wasn't.

Maybe he doesn't care to see me, and he is only seeing me, because I want to see him. I don't know.

I just wish it wasn't so easy for him to just be like oh well I'm going to push me aside and to the back. He'll be ok.

I kinda feel like he takes advantage of the kind of man that I am...

I know he is used to being treated like that...always being put aside if something else comes up. I think the only time it was all about him was his graduation, and even then I am not sure f it was all about him and it was his day.

Lemme go get ready for tomorrow.

I'll give you guys a heads up as time goes on as to what happens on Saturday with Van. I have a big plans for the weekend and he is suppose to be in it, but maybe someone will have a cold and then I am put to the back. Or better yet maybe someone will have a hang-nail and I get thrown to the side.

It is what it is...what kind of man am I showing him that I am?? Maybe I am not being the kind of person that demands respect and loyalty...maybe I am showing the opposite??

Oh well...lemme go.

I cannot believe he said I am starved!!!! He made it sound like I am some dog and he is my master. He is making it sound like he doesn't have feelings for me, and doesn't look to spend time with me.

I SO NEED TO PUT MY FOOT IN HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!! -_-

Everyone have a good night, and get some good sleep. :-)

J-Bo