Personal Identity

My best friend Lou and I had a pretty long conversation on personal identity and life. I was pretty deep.

All in all he now knows really what it is to be in a identity crisis state of mind. He now knows what Van, Aaron, Dishone, all the people he works with. It is not a fun thing to go through. He said he was going through hell for about a week...

He said he is not envious of us at all...that going through identity crisis for our sexuality is not an easy thing at all. And he is right...it isn't easy at all.

Lou wanted to be a hardcore scientist and he wanted to be a chemist, but through certain events he has become more of a public health and community guy. So he goes out and does community work trying to help the black community with health and fitness needs to make sure we live a long and happy life.

His job is focused on black men who have sex with other men, and the effects of HIV among the group. They are doing good work, and I may become a community representative...good networking, and the chance to help a lot of people.


He finally got it...he said that he feels he is turning his back on himself and it made him feel like crap.

I laughed and said that is how some of us feel all the time. I said that is Dishone and Van to a T. He was like wow...that is deep. :-)

He also said that the funny thing is that even though he is not doing what he thought he would he loves where he is and is enjoying where he is at. I laughed again and said how you feel about your career is how people like Van feel about their sexuality...especially in the church.

I said there are men that have tried their whole life to be straight, and they are meant for dick, and when they have it they are so happy and carefree, but because it is going against their identiy of who they believes they are suppose to be.

It is funny cause I remember that...I was in so much pain and confusion, until I had to change and grow and mature with my identity. I had to change and let go of the past and embrace the future. It is a roller coaster of a ride and it is fun and painful at the same time.

Louis said that if we don't grow, mature, and change our identities, and stay flexible then we are doomed to suffer a really horrible life.

"The key to an extraordinary life is an extraordinary psychology/mindset."--Unknown

So Louis has new found respect for people like Van, Dishone, and Aaron...I am so happy that his eyes and heart is even more open.

Also talked to my best friend Nora about Lou getting married, and what to bring. It is such a great thing to talk to her about life. She of course asked about Van who she calls Amadou Diallo...not sure why, but she is not changing so I laugh and leave it be.

We also talked about life and identity, and that was a great time.

So the theme is growing up and getting one's identity and life together. So much great stuff and I love it so much.

Van also told me his dad gave him a lot of great stuff and I am so happy to hear it. I love hearing someone in his family is there for him to be his own man...I mean his siblings and cousins want that for him, but I know he likes having support from his father.

So now that all my conversations are over I am going to bed...hopefully.

Life is so great...I cannot wait for this weekend...I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

J-Bo