Here I am talking to one of my friends while I sit here and wait for this girl to come so I can teach her and head to rehearsal.
Shirley asked me about Van. Last time we spoke Van was in my life. So I had to catch her up. I told her at first it was real hard, but now I am only longing for what we shared with someone else.
I told told her about our last conversation and she said that I went a little far. I told her I thought I was very appropriate.
She asked me do I still love him. I said I still love him as a person...for all that we shared and experienced, but now in my eyes he is just a very good friend. Nothing more than that.
I told her that I don't want to be with someone who has said out right that they don't want to change. Especially someone who said on many occasions that they are happy to be alone. He has seen that he can be in one, but he doesn't want one.
He has great role models for that. Most of his family on his mother's side is single.
But now she has me thinking. Was I wrong in saying the man I am now can never be with someone like him romantically?? I mean it is the truth. There were times when he did, but why is it my fault.
Did people really think I was going to stop growing, changing, and advancing??
And I had to tell her that he still has growing to do. Medical school and going for his degree is going to change him and force him to grow up...but then again I know doctors that say medical school for them was like freezing in time. They didn't get a chance to have lives and grow...they were stuck in a moment of time and only could focus on school.
Not my problem.
This is not being conceited or anything, but I am a great man. You don't go from being with me to being with just anybody else. It just doesn't happen. And I don't bond to no junk...simple as that.
I just want to be a man that follows God's calling on my life and lives life to the fullest. I want someone who wants to do the same. They don't have to be in my profession, but they should have something that drives them. Support me as I support them.
It did piss me off that he thought I still wanted him. He never understood that the way I treat him is the same as I do everyone else...only difference is the level of intimacy and he doesn't gain access to that anymore.
But I'm being called a dick for speaking my truth.
I guess I can see how someone can get it wrong and think that I want to be with them all because I want the relationship and connection again...the thing is that he assumes that it was with him. God gave it to me before...he can easily do it again. Just gotta wait. :-)
This dude is texting me right now who lives in Jersey who've I've only skyped with and talked to on the phone. Talking about he wanna come and see me, and wonders what it would be like to live with me forever. -_-
Really dude...slow it down. A LOT!!!
So I convinced her I was in the right. And that he wouldn't take offense to anything. I got big things to accomplish and I only want people who believe in me and want to support and help me. Everyone else can go on and do what it is that they want.
She then says so then cut him off and throw him away. I told her why would I do that...he never hurt me. He had a lesson to teach me and he did it. As far as I am concerned he is a dear friend. He has opened my heart, mind, and soul again in ways that were dead.
Also casting him aside is pointless...he is the runner not me. I value people and good relationships too much. If he was poisonous than I would, but he ain't doing me no harm...
So now this girl is here...time to get paid. Not looking forward to rehearsal or this opera seeing how I feel very unprepared, but them is the brakes. :-P
Van always has a home with me...as all my friends do. He is a good friend who is actually a best friend, he is a confidant, and he is BFA. That boy is pure gold to me...just like the Big 3, BFAs, and other groups of friends that I have.
J-Bo
P.S. This blog is losing it's usefulness...I had it at a time in my life and it doesn't fit. Changes to be made. Look out for it.
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