The best thing is that both of the women started talking about me and they both said that I better marry a man cause any woman I end up with is going to die.
My big 3 only female person says the same thing. That I better be with a man cause she won't know what to do if I marry a woman.
I have to admit that I was flattered. All three woman said it would be great if I were to marry them...me being the perfect man. I am so far from perfect, but I so appreciate the sentiment. I have always been a sucker for flattery. :-)
Thinking about marriage I know I want kids and a family and even though I am attracted to women I am more for the men. I can be honest about that now...so marrying a woman I know wouldn't be fulfilling in the long run and I'll always feel like I am missing something.
Where when I was with men I never did...or very rarely. (Those times when I saw a really, really, really sexy hot female!!!! They come around every once and awhile and I take serious notice.)
So I am learning everyday to be more courageous and stand in my truth and be honest everyday. The thing about growing up bisexual/gay in the time that I did was that I got very good at lying and hiding...very good.
From the time I knew about myself I don't think I've ever really been 110% honest and open.
I am working on that...I wanna be a man of honesty and have total integrity. Can't be that always lying and telling 1/2 stories and doing things in ways to make people happy and not in ways that are honest with me.
Even if I wanted to be straight I'd still have to own current sexuality.
Nevertheless, I am doing great. I am now off to bed after working on some music. Funny Van has inspired some songs. He is the most serious and powerful relationship example that I've been in so of course I will draw on that. Things are looking up.
Wanna leave you guys wit a song...it is FIRE!!!!!!
School and voice lessons in the AM.
J-Bo
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