As I Get Ready For Bed

I cannot help but think of my ex tonight. I wonder if he is thinking about me? If he even still cares what happens to me...whether I am alive or dead.

I wonder if I cross his mind...ever.

I don't know why I think these thoughts. Even as I talk to other men and women I still think of him. I know that I will always love him, and don't try to change that, but I would be lying if I say I don't miss him.

Funny how the one thing that should've brought us closer together has actually torn us apart. In the end he always said he was more religious than spiritual and that was fine for him. I always wanted him to keep his religious beliefs but develop a spiritual foundation.

Not that he doesn't have one, but that boy is so intertwined with the church. If it say left he say left and go left.

This song tells alot of what I am feeling right now.

I miss the intimacy and yes I also do miss the sex, but it is more than that. I miss the punches and him fussing at me. I miss him telling me to stop spreading ignorance. I miss him telling me to stay home and not go out cause it is dangerous.

I miss him telling me that he loves me so much he cannot wait to be my husband.

Lemme stop thinking about this. I need to go to bed. Van doesn't think or worry about me. I just have to remember that I am the enemy and I am the devil to him.

Everyone in his family would probably say that.

I do wonder if we would ever cross paths again and where in life we would be. How much would we have grown and matured and how much of life have we seen and experience?

J-Bo

P.S. Tomorrow is work and going to see my girl perform her senior recital. I may miss the BFA recital..because of rehearsal. That sucks. I need to find out what is going and if I can actually go.