I am back on campus and had time to think on the bus and train ride up here.
I do still love and care for Van...how could I not?
He was the most important person in my life for a long time. He says it was about a year and 1/2. But he isn't counting right...I didn't correct him cause it wasn't something that I wanted to win.
In any case just like how I tell my students and ppl I talk to. If the reasons for the break up are still relevant and true then you cannot go back.
For us it was his religious issues with being gay and the fact he had it beaten (mentally, spiritually, and emotionally...not physically) into him that it was wrong and will send him straight to hell.
The church has put homosexuality at the top of its hit list for some reason. Everything else seems to pale in comparison to homosexuality. Won't even get into that.
So even though it was great seeing him and I do want a serious platonic relationship with I cannot allow myself to entertain the thought of anything romantic.
As far as I know he still believes as he does even against all the facts.
But I will say things do seem to be changing...he is starting to get a hold of himself for himself and this move away might be what he needs. Earrings and possible tattoos. Very interesting.
So that is where I am leaving things. I am willing to be his friend and be his person. But as far as a romantic relationship goes as long as he is living with those beliefs it makes no sense.
Just not for me...but a friend and a close one at that is more than welcomed.
I do want to see him one last time...I want to hear him laugh again...his goofy laugh. And to go see that movie...that would be good to hear him cry on Jesus every 2 seconds. :-D
J-Bo
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