Mind BLOWN!!!

So my mind has been blown wide FUCKING OPEN!!!

So I am on campus singing and playing and talking to people. The last thing that I expect to happen is to see Van.

Do you have any idea how many times I would look over my shoulder wondering if he was around, and then he just shows up.

I told myself that the next time I ever saw him that I was going to treat him like shit. I was going to destroy and make sure he knew, that I hated him!!!!! FRENZY!!!!

But I couldn't. First I saw him and was stuck. I didn't recover until 5-6 minutes later. Than he came back and we talked for awhile and went our separate ways.

He is officially leaving and that is that. Going to do research in the summer and then pre-med school in the following school year and then regular med school straight throughout.

I am so happy for him. I am happy that things are moving on for him, and I wish him nothing, but the best, but I have to admit it kinda sucks.

I kinda wish we could see each other one last time and do something fun before he leaves. Something were we both don't feel awkward, and we both laugh and sing.

I cannot believe I actually asked him about his sex life. I cannot believe I care!!!

He asked me if I had closure. I do think I do. I mean I still love and care for him, but I understand that it cannot workout. It's not the distance or any of that. I mean that is what it is, and it is just the religious differences.

He's religious traditions and dogma...I'm spiritual hippie (according to him).

I just asked him about if he was still planning on traveling after med school!!!! WHY DO I CARE?!?!?!?!

He's not going on any vacation though. I'd have to force him away and allow him to get work done so that he can continue helping the people and children.

He is getting his ears pierced when he leaves the state, and he is thinking on getting that tattoo he wants.

Also the way he talks about dealing with his family is a breath of fresh air. The man has grown a set of balls on him when it comes to them. That is new and so refreshing.

I feel like I'm babbling. I wanna see him again. Even if for awhile. I just don't know anymore.

Is it weird that he can still read me when I don't want to be read. I mean he called me out real fast on one thing that I cannot remember.

What was also weird is that I started thinking about music studios, opera companies, and other business ventures I could pursue in Columbus at some convenient times. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

I mean it wouldn't be for him, but I follow the money. What would I do if I had a business deal in Ohio...call him up outta the blue. He doesn't want to see me.

I am just a little confused right now.

More to come later when I have had a chance to digest it all.

J-Bo