I Give Up

I have let go of everyone that I have been talking to.

Except for one guy who is so damn nice, that I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just tell him all I want right now is a friend, and he seems that he is ready and willing to comply so that works out great.

I just came from really awesome day date with a beautiful Persian woman. I mean she is so damn curvy, sexy, and exotic that I was blown away.

It is raining her in the city and we started making out in the rain by the pier.

She kept on saying all the right things in my ear, and I fell in love. Well super lust. I've been honry for awhile and with only my hand to keep me company I was ready to explode.

So we had sex in the rain in the bushes. I mean it was real hot and real animalistic. I loved it, and it was just what I needed. She was going to be girl for awhile and I made the decision after we had exhausted one another. :-)

So what is the problem you ask?

Well the problem is that she is looking for a husband and I seem to be a great candidate. Now I know I should be flatered, but WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE SO FAST TO GET MARRIED?!?!?!?!?!

I mean we only been talking for about a month. I just cannot deal anymore. I am done with it all. No one wants to get to know each other...they just wanna shack up and call it happily ever after.

Not that I don't want to get married cause I do. Whether it is with a man or woman I want my forever ever. I just want it to be real. I don't want it to be with someone who is ready to throw everything into me and just be who and what I want.

I don't want that. I HATE this 1/2 a person coming together with someone else to become a whole...that shit makes me sick to my stomache.

So I have not given up on love, just on looking for it right now. Why should I have to look for it?? God sent me someone and something that was special, and real. He can do it again so I just have to live my life and let him/her come to me.

Now I am gonna dry off a little and then drive to BK to see my friend in the hospital and then back home. Opera performances start tomorrow. :-)

J-Bo