This is going to be a long one...

Class today was awesome. I had a great private voice lesson...learning music to immediately go out and start working. Learning arias from Elijah and Messiah...DOING IT BIG!!!!!! Also, studio ensemble singing was AWESOME!!!!!!!! There is work to be done, but I am so ready for this performance. I am looking forward to bugging out and acting up!!!!!

So Van and I had a good talk today. It was an interesting talk. For one thing the atmosphere was stifling and difficult. It is normally easy to talk to him, but today it was like pulling teeth at first. I felt him reaching out to me, but I also felt this huge wall up. IT WAS SO CUTE...but a lil annoying, but I understand. He didn't even want to take the elevator with me, and his body was reacting to me just being there.

It was also cute because in the blink of an eye he said his mind was racing and he had to go. It was cute...he was trying so hard to be different towards me...I feel for him.

I told him that people pity him sometimes, but they see that there is a way out for him. He didn't like that, but I told him that people see things that we don't so don't throw it out. I told him he can trust me, and so I told him why. He felt it, but he didn't like it. He likes to think he is invincible. :-)

For him being gay isn't a problem. He is an out gay man to the majority of people. His problem is that he doesn't want to go to hell, and he has been told that being gay is a sin that will send you to hell. It is pretty upsetting, but that is how his brain is right now. When we are out in public he is super comfortable and really into PDA. He is acting out of fear, because he is worried that his soul is in danger. He also says that his only friend is Jesus...funny thing he doesn't realize that Jesus is not a God of fear. He is acting out of fear...I am sure Jesus is trying to tell him but Van is frozen into doing nothing, and playing it safe.

Speaking of his friends and inner circle he has this thing where Jesus is all he needs. I agree, but he takes it very far. He has no one that he can be honest and open with before me. Jesus brings people into our lives for a reason. Partners, friends, and more. He had no one that he can be honest and truthful with...he was that frozen by fear. Here I come and he has a best friend/partner in me. He has the BFAs, professors, and other church youth. His current BFF is Dishone...another gay youth that is his twin basically.

He wants me to be in his life. We have to see how friends will work...we will always be more, but we have to see how to make it work. He wants it to work and so do I. I am laughing thinking about him now. I didn't tell him, but I was so feeling him. I just wanted to run up to him and hug him, and tell him to sing with me. Remember I had a great class, and came out singing and dancing...I LOVE BEING A MUSICIAN!!!!!

BTW I did congratulate him on getting another title...he is the Minister of Music for the entire district. He can handle the work...I still find it funny that he is getting these post and titles. God is basically saying he is qualified and annointed to do it...yet when they find out he is gay, they will take it away. All that means is that God has something for him, but Man has a problem with the details...but I do love the black church...even though it is backwards sometimes.

I do have movie tickets for the Avengers that we are suppose to use. It is suppose to be me, Van, Aaron, and Steve. No need to worry about them...that is for another post.

I am confused a little though. There is proof that being gay is not wrong or a problem through science. I know this helped some other people that were science heads like he is...What Science Says and Doesn't Say About Homosexuality.

Van feels that being gay will send him to hell...truth is that he doesn't believe that. He is confused so he is choosing to do nothing in hopes he does something right. The bible doesn't even talk about homosexuality. Everyone does their research and anyone who does comes back to the same realization that the bible does not talk about gay people like him and Dishone. A good starting point on that is...What the Bible Says and Doesn't Say about Homosexuality.

It is cute that everyone is rooting for us. That says alot, but he is being stubborn. Even his cousin gave his blessing, and his other friend said that he supports him. The only two people that he told...he only told because I helped him find that comfortablility in himself...to be honest it was Jesus that did that, but he did use me!!! Just patting myself on the back... :-)

He said he knew that some guy wants to take me away on the weekend, and he said for me to go. But when he said it, he had the same look in his eyes and body that he always does. It is that look that he has that says no matter where I go or do he got me, because he has my heart, mind, body, and soul. He said he got me and I got him and that is that. Funny...God is too funny. This man is a trip...he said I could be dating anyone in the world, and he would come and that would be that. But then again it is the same for me. I do have that man. :-)

Everyone needs not to worry about him though. He will do fine...we will be part of each other's lives for life. God brought us together...we really did come together through some divine intervention. I will say it again...God is FUNNY!!!!!

He knows he is gay and is open about that. Proof is in the PDA, his whole life, and even when we walked through the village hand in hand, and he kept my hand in his...even when I tried to pull away. He is just scared and concerned. He has been trying to seperate from his family so he can be free and do him...that is something right there. The man said many times that if he knew his family would just support him...not even approve everything, but support him that he would have AIDS!!!! Calm down people that is him being extreme. He really wants approval he will never get, and he is beginning to not even want.

As soon as he is out of the house, watch and see him grow. He is really bound. :-(

God I love that man.

J-Bo

P.S. He says he never gave me 110% of himself, but that is a lie. He would have my last name by now if he wasn't so ruled by fear and doubt...two emotions that are not Godly emotions and not Christ like, but I digress. :-) Dishone and him are very alike in that area...Dishone is just obsessive with his love...Van is not. Van is dedicated, passionate, loyal, and devoted in his love to me. He just lacks the obsessive quality that makes Dishone's love seem like it is more. Can't tell him that, because he'd deny it, and I don't want him to think about it.

P.P.S. He wants me in his life, but he is looking for a way. He is too much sometimes...GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!?!?!? SMFH!!!!! LMAO!!!!!

P.P.P.S. I miss my friend...I really do. I miss him. He is to the point where he knows and accepts he is gay, but he is worried that it is a heaven and hell issue. I mean there is so much proof that the bible doesn't speak against homosexuals, and also the fact that the KJV is not the actual bible, but became the standard later on, because it had to be used...so said the monarch at the time. I don't see what is so hard...GOD PLEASE LET THIS MAN ACCEPT THE EVIDENCE AND TRUTH...IT IS RIGHT THERE AS PLAIN AS DAY!!!!!!

Hope these help someone:

1. Bible on homosexuality
2. Science on homosexuality