Not looking good at all

I went to go visit Dan in the hospital, and he looks so much more worse than yesterday. I am really worried that he isn't going to make it to see the beautiful landscape in Alaska. I really want him to see this before he dies...God please give him the strength to hold on.

His spirits were down, so I offered to pray with him, and it really helped him out. I am not the type to say lemme pray for you, but I do what I can. I did it for a friend of mine that was going through when he was going through some drama. I drove to pick him, because he was in a bad situation. Van had called me and told me what was going on so I had to step up to the plate.

When I was about to drop him home, I told him I will pray with him, and he said it really helped. He was shocked, no surprise there. I told him not to tell anyone that I did that...I don't feel when you are doing something like that, you should be looking for accolades and acknowledgement.  Dishone was like he wanted to tell Van, but I told him not to...it wasn't something I did for attention. I just did what I could for a friend.

Dishone calls me last night telling me that Van was acting hard and content on just being a dick. My words not his of course. I think he feels I want to be back with him. I do love him, but honestly I want my friend in my life. I really want to understand what happened, so that I have no misunderstandings. I just want my friend to be my friend...a part of me wants more, but I want to understand what the problem is. I am not sure how the convo is going to go, but I prayed for the wisdom to ask the right questions and get the truth.

On the other hand there is this other guy who has been talking to me...I've been giving him the time of day. Just because I need the distraction, and it feels good to talk to someone who isn't always doubting themselves. It is nice to be with someone who is self sufficient and doesn't let their doubts and fears control them. I am not in a relationship, just talking, but I don't know. My heart isn't with him and it won't but he is a cool dude, and he wants to go away for the weekend. I am in need for a vacation.

Guys I am confused...I really don't know what to do.

J-Bo