HORRIBLE!!!!

I came from the gym where I met my new love interest. Nothing serious, but we were talking and having a good time. Suffice it to say I did not get any work done, but I am not complaining. But when he leaves to get ready for work, and I decide to get some work in 2 men come up to me telling me to be careful.

Apparently my new "beau" as he calls himself gave his best friend HERPES!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?! Me and this man talked about sexual health, health and fitness, and all that good stuff. Not once did he bring this stuff up to me!!!!!!!!

I was also told that on many occasions he forced himself onto this guy. I was being told that a rapist who has a STD was trying to get into my pants and take me away for the weekend. I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!! You can't trust no one anymore...people are walking around and they don't care ready to infect everyone else. Or the other side thy don't know, lie about it and keep it moving.

Some girl overheard our discussion and she falls into the latter. She said her boyfriend said he has nothing. The truth was that he never got tested for anything because he didn't want to know. His way of testing was that he had sex with a pregnant chick and her baby came out clean!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!

This nice lady also proceeded to tell me other horror stories. I must admit that while they were talking I was immediately thinking of Van. I was longing for him real bad...I know he is clean and safe, and even if he wants to be crazy and slutty sometimes it is more a fantasy not reality and it was only with me. This is so frustrating...so frustrating.

Oh well...I didn't work out like I wanted. I am about to jump in the shower and just scrub real hard, because it is not a game anymore. I am done with it all...DONE!!!!!!!! -_-

Still got so much to do. My mom asked about him yesterday...saying if he ever needed a safe place he has one. No judgement just good advice, food, and a place to sleep if needed. It wasn't until yesterday that I realize how good I have it. My family doesn't proclaim to be saved or even spiritual and holy...but the proof is in the putting.

When I think about the character traits of Jesus Christ, we may not be perfect, but my parents are so good at showing and living them. That's funny...Van said it one time before and I just threw it away. he said, My family is blessed, and very rare in how we operate.

I think of his family and even Dishone's family and it makes me sad. You should feel safe and comfortable, but my mom said that it is not the case everywhere. Lemme shower, and get out of here. Today is a busy day, and I need to get started... :-)

J-Bo

P.S. While talking to homeboy in the beginning, the one who I was going to go away with, I could not stop thinking about Van. I was comparing them. This boy is all over me, and it showed today. God this is a trial. When we had our talk he was visible showing signs that he was being pulled towards me. I acted like I felt nothing, but honestly I am always on a cliff with him. I think I did good yesterday though...I have safeguards put in place...they should hold up.

P.P.S. I sent him a text telling him to take a job because we all know they hard to come by. I read his last blog post...I am trying not to read anything from it, because I don't want him to think I care or anything. I know how I sound...if he can be stubborn and do what he is doing, then so can I!!!! I don't want him to think that I still want him though...it is a stupid game really. I know how he feels about me, and the only thing keeping him away is his fears that something bad may happen...I have to remain hard and keep my safeguards up at all times. I AM 99.999999999999% sure that I got this on lock.