OVERLOAD!!!!!!

All I can say is that I am feeling the burn. I have so many things that I want to do, and need to do that it isn't even funny.

Last night some friends of mine call me to say it is an emergency and come to the hospital. So I head over to Brooklyn all the way from the BX...for all of you who don't know that is not an easy trip in the middle of the night. Thank God for zipcar!!!!

So I get there and I find out that his girl is pregnant and ready to pop, but the main issue was that his appendix burst. So I am in the hospital and this man is screaming and crying out for drugs and the sweet release of death. I am not kidding...it was funny.

So I offer to take his girl home...I drive her 1/2 way and we get stuck in traffic. This trick decides to let her water break and starts delivering in the car. Thank God there was a police car not too far, and he came to the rescue.

Now I have seen my fair share of births...I mean it is what it is, but this one was brutal. I saw things ripping, and fluids all over the place. Thank God I am not a woman...that shit is crazy. From all the close calls I have had I am happy none of them went through...not only was I not ready, but knowing what I know now being with a woman would be ok, but it is not for me.

My current boyfriend calls me gay, but I always claimed to be bisexual. That was my way of coping with my sexuality...I made sure to have sex with plenty of women so that I could keep that title of bisexual. We will call my man Van, it's easier than saying the title. Van grew up knowing he was gay, his family knowing it, but everyone trying to sweep it under the rug, so we are dealing with that drama now.

Back to the story:

I get home and just collapse not realizing that I would get 3 hours of sleep. I am so tired right now. You guys remember from a past post I told Van that I will give him time to clear some stuff off his plate...the sad thing is that he will always be busy. People are always busy, but they make it work. So when I see him I am going to have to let him have it.

I promised him this time to himself so I will keep my word, but he wants to be with me. He needs me and I need him, but I won't be put to the back. I have school, work, friends, family, fitness stuff, personal time with God, and business goals, and HIM. I make time for everything, and no one feels left out. He has just as much on his plate, but he is seeing me as a distraction rather than a blessing and a way for him to stay balanced. Not his fault...he is a bit of a pessimist at times.

But after last night and seeing what and how people live I am convinced of one thing...this will not fly again. I am not asking for 24/7 time and commitment, but I am worth more than 15 mins a week...he knows that and I know it. So believe you me, after 06-01-12 we will define what we want and expect from each other...and if possible earlier. I don't want him thinking that this is cool...he is an adult and he can do this...

Now if anyone would be willing to give me an ear piece and feed me the lyrics to my music that would be a life saver. My dumb ass wanted to do French, German, and Italian...oh well. I can do it, and I see that I really have a knack for this. While helping Van stand up and see his future for what he wanted, I am doing the same.

J-Bo

P.S. I have the best Dad EVER!!!!!! He told me this morning to go out and take chances and take risk. He said to take the world by storm, and don't be worried about the consequences...to focus on the end goal, and cherish every moment. Love that man!!!!