Brand new day...

Woke up with a lot on my mind. I have so many things to do today...

I just have to stay focused and not let my mind rest on Van. I know that I am not the only person to break up with someone they love, but it sucks. I just have to believe that he is happy, and at peace. But deep down I know it is short lived. I just feel so bad that it is turning out like this.

Oh well...at the gym today some guy that I normally see and talk to was there, and he turned his charm way up.  I so badly wanted to give him the time of day. He is so HOT!!! AND FINE AS HELL!!!! LOL

But I couldn't do it...I wouldn't do it. It is going to take me sometime to get over Van, and even when I do I know I will always want him deep down. I have to be careful, because he will always own a huge part of my heart, and that is something that won't go anywhere.

I just have to remember that he is happy and that he is going to be great. I have to believe that...I have to forget what I know about him, his family, the black church, and human psychology. I just have to put my blinders on and say that he is doing great.

God why did you bring him into my life if you were going to let him just go away. I mean free will is a BITCH!!!! SMH...LOL.

God you bring me to him, have us fall heads over heel in love with each other, but you do nothing about the other stuff. It is true that you did your part, but come on!!!!!!

Anyway I have a voice lesson, class, and then just me in the library chilling doing work. I NEED A VACATION!!!!!!!

I have to be indifferent towards him, and hard. He can't know how I am feeling. I just wish he had my experiences so he'd be past this. I wonder if he will turn into one of those people that his family talks about that is not happy, but just does church work and hides who they are and suffers in silence. Praying what they are doing is the right thing.

I just hate seeing someone I love who is not really following the bible, but his own ideals. The only way he will believe it is if his family believes and backs him up. The sad thing is that he tells me that they won't ever do it, because they hate being proven wrong. They only back things that they feel is worth it...only if they knew they are killing their son/grandson/nephew. He has a gay cousin that is out, proud, successful, and living his life. I do wish that was him now.

I am rambling...some more good news is that I might be getting some calls soon for some people to contact me on copywriting jobs, and for some real estate deals. I AM MAKING MOVES PEOPLE, AND PRETTY SOON MY DREAM APARTMENT AND I WILL BE TRAVELLING!!!!!

J-Bo