Lord Jesus...Fix Me...Unless I Don't Need It!

So I did something stupid tonight. I went to a open mic and was singing India Arie's "Ready For Love." That wasn't the stupid thing...I ROCKED IT!!!! :-D

I was just having an awesome time...afterwards I got approached by a lot of people about music, and singing, and writing, and collaborating.

I decided I was going to flirt and just have a good time. The ladies were loving me especially tonight, and I must say it was nice having the attention. I just wanted to have a good time. Not sex mind you...I wanted to further my career and just go by leaps and bounds.

Now there was this one guy who was there. He could be Van's twin. I mean he really reminded me of him. It was scary. My pulse was racing, my heart was pounding, I was sweating. We met each other and he said I did a good job...I looked him up and down and smiled.

He smirked at me...he said he loved to hear a man who can sing. He said that my voice was so deep and sultry that it hit him somewhere special. To be honest I didn't even hear all that. All I could focus on was that this dude looked a lot like Van.

Even with the curly hair.

I left before anything could happen, and while I walking to my car he followed me to exchange numbers. I kissed him. He started to say something, but I told him to shut up. I didn't want him to talk...he might look a lot like Van, but he didn't sound like him.

What the hell is wrong with me?

We didn't have sex. We were about to, but in the throws of everything he said say my name and I actually said Van's name. I was stuck. At that point I told him he needed to leave. I drove home, and hear I sit telling you guys the story.

I just don't know what happened. I mean I have been really horny as of late, and I've been having to push Van outta my head extra hard. I mean I kept thinking about him...everything brought him up. It was crazy.

I just gotta remember...he ain't thinking, worrying, or caring about me. I could be dead and he would never know. I mean he talks to no one from my circle anymore so if something bad did happen it would be whatever.

Jesus help me...why am I thinking about him? Why have me think about someone who is set in staying in his box...he said it before...he don't want out of his comfort zone. He don't want anything outside of what he knows.

God what am I suppose to learn and do with these feelings.

Time for bed. Going to be in the city tomorrow and in BK. Gotta go see a friend of mine and they live 2 blocks away from his house. That isn't going to be easy.

J-Bo