Celibacy

I have decided that the best thing for me to do right now is to be celibate.

Not saying that I am sleeping around, but I mean really, really celibate. No sexual activity at all.

The idea is to be with no one until I get into a real relationship again. I cannot go from what I shared with Van to something near non-existent. I can't settle for casual sex and just passing by. I mean the sad thing is that in the LGBT world most people are only looking for sex and not anything real.

I find the same thing in the straight world too...

Rare and blessed was I to find what I found. Actually it is more clear to say what God sent my way...it was divine intervention that put Van and I together. I need another divine intervention. My cousin is going on 2 years in his relationship and he is taking her to Florida to celebrate...SO JEALOUS!!!

In other news I just fond out that one of the choir directors...who is gay happens to be from COGIC. Funny thing is that he was always trying to get close to me when Van and I were dating. I always just kept him away, but was thinking about him until I heard he was COGIC.

I wasn't going to let that bother me. But while talking to one of my friends who knows him tells me that he is so in the closet. That he is so insecure with himself. I know that I could help him and bring him to a higher place, but God knows I got a bad taste in my mouth with COGIC boys.

Before anything can even begin to happen I have to see if he is at first super religious. I love Van and he will always own a big piece of all of me, but I cannot do the super religious anymore. I cannot do the guys or girls who are crazy into doctrine and craziness.

I need the super spiritual and not the super religious.

CELIBACY HERE I COME!!!!!

J-Bo

P.S. I think I am starting to understand all of those songs and movies now. At a deeper more fulfilling level. How can I even begin to think about getting into anything less than awesome. Just thinking about all I was able to experience, and how great it was. Even with the bad times when you take out all the religious stuff, keep our spiritual connection, and that was something awesome. I guess I can be mad at him a little for something...I mean he has raised the bar. LMAO!!! GOD IS SO REAL AND SO GOOD!!!

P.P.S. My thoughts are wondering to a man I used to know.

P.P.P.S. Rockstar - CEO - Philanthropist among many other names. God has got something awesome for me. Going for it fully.