I went to my friend's job today to help with one of their studies, and I had to do an HIV test as part of it.
I wasn't worried...the only person I've been sleeping with is Van and he is negative. The guy asked me what I thought it would say and I told him. He said what if it was positive...I laughed and said someone would owe me an explanation. :-)
I realize that people don't know their status, and that is just talking about HIV and AIDS. I mean people are walking around with all sorts of STIs and they don't know it, don't care, and are also not disclosing it, because they don't want to hear no.
Needless to say my dick is staying in my pants b/c my health is not a game.
Now I say that but I am horny as all hell...I have the need to stick my dick in something and soon. Not to mention I have been craving getting stroked on the regular. I really am a total vers and sometimes a top/vers, but vers is seeming more like the reality.
I have a lot of things that are coming that I need to be ready for. I cannot let one opportunity pass me by...which means hustle, hustle, hustle.
I am really tired so I am going to go take a nap. My pastor friend and his man are getting married this weekend. They are supposed to come to the city and get it done or they may go to a closer city for them.
Whatever they choose I wish them the best, and if they do come up here I look forward to seeing them.
I know it won't be for long b/c it is a secret and they have to rush back, but even an hour with great people is enough.
So I am going to take a nap and then get to work...tomorrow is a busy, busy day for me, and I want to get an early start.
J-Bo
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Officially a graduate
So I get an e-mail from my school stating that I am officially a graduate and I can request my official transcript and it will say that.
I have come a long way and I have longer still to go, but I am enjoying the journey.
So I am very happy and pleased with myself. Now it is time to get ready for tomorrow.
I had a real weak moment...I miss Van so much. I can't let anyone else know because I have to be strong and be the one they come to. I know that a strong leader is also a man who can also show that vulernable side, but what can I say.
Pride is a real bitch.
As long as anyone else knows I am good and nothing is wrong, and I am just busy working on other areas of my life.
Time for bed...night ppl
J-Bo
I have come a long way and I have longer still to go, but I am enjoying the journey.
So I am very happy and pleased with myself. Now it is time to get ready for tomorrow.
I had a real weak moment...I miss Van so much. I can't let anyone else know because I have to be strong and be the one they come to. I know that a strong leader is also a man who can also show that vulernable side, but what can I say.
Pride is a real bitch.
As long as anyone else knows I am good and nothing is wrong, and I am just busy working on other areas of my life.
Time for bed...night ppl
J-Bo
Monday, July 30, 2012
I was asked to "preach/teach"
So I went to a friend's church today, and was asked to give a word or two.
Of course I said no very fast, and sat back down. My friend wasn't too happy, but he understood. I had nothing to say, and I wasn't about to go and make a fool of myself in front of all these people.
It was just a bible study and discussion, but still it felt like the whole church was there!!!!
It wasn't until it was later on that the pastor asked me to go ahead and say something that he wanted me to just work with the youth and speak directly to them. He wanted me to just answer some questions.
Let me tell you that these young kids had me sweating something serious...as soon as I got up there I felt like I was going to shit my pants. :-)
I don't know how people do it every week...I mean it isn't hard, but it is nerve racking.
One of the things that they asked me was what did I feel about the things that were in the Old Testament vs. the New Testament.
I must admit that one was pretty easy. I said that the bible speaks about how Jesus Christ fulfilled the Old Law, and we had a new law with him. That the list of things in the Old Testament especially Leviticus doesn't apply to us now.
Jesus only ask that we are baptized in his name, receive the gift of the holy ghost, and basically follow in his character. Of course I said many christians are missing this last vital key and I gave some examples.
I saw the pastor give me a look so I quickly moved on. Guess I pushed some buttons. :-)
I mean it never really did since it was mainly for the religious priest of the day, but it has nothing to do with us gentiles.
So I told them eat all the pork they wanted though it wasn't all that healthy, I told to eat all the seafood they wanted, women can wear jeans, it is OK for tattoos and piercings (the old people whispered and gave me side eyes on that one.) and more. :-)
It felt like they gave me an easy one. My friend Paul was up there with me, so he took the next question. The next one I took was what I felt about the issue on oneness and what I felt about the trinity.
That was pretty easy too...I said I was raised Catholic and raised in the doctrine of the trinity my whole life, but I never really subscribed to it. There is one God and he goes by many names. He has been said to work through what people call the Holy Spirit, and he has veiled his greatness in humanity in what we call Jesus.
That is why we seek to see Jesus face, because we cannot do that with God if he is totally unveiled...it is too great for us. So I am a oneness guy because we don't serve 3 Gods. Of course there are a lot of people who believe otherwise, and use 2 bible versus to support them, but I have more than 2 to support mine, but I don't attack people.
I don't think it is right to do so...it only breeds contempt and more fighting...not something I want.
Then I got asked a big one...one that I was not prepared to tackle at all. One of the kids said he was suspended from school for gay bashing. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, and why did he think that behavior was justified.
He said the bible says so. I had to reiterate what I said earlier something that we all believe and accept today. He eventually came out and said that in his house faggots are wrong no matter what and then he went to Romans 1:26-27 to justify himself.
I had to go back and tell them that what Paul was talking about was the fact that these were people who knew better and were giving themselves over to idolatry.
These were men and women of God that knew God yet were worshiping the sun, moons, animals, and more. Pretty much what we call a hippie or witch today. Romans is talking about men and women who are giving false witness to false idols.
Something that most of us don't worry and concern themselves about, but it still goes on today.
Thankfully my friend had an parallel bible that was both the amplified and NKJV. I really do love the NKJV...breaks things into sections like little chapters or sub-heads...nice and easy.
Anyway here is that passage in both versions...I am actually going to go back 2 versus to include in it:
Romans 1:24-27 NKJV
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Romans 1:24-27 Amplified
Of course I said no very fast, and sat back down. My friend wasn't too happy, but he understood. I had nothing to say, and I wasn't about to go and make a fool of myself in front of all these people.
It was just a bible study and discussion, but still it felt like the whole church was there!!!!
It wasn't until it was later on that the pastor asked me to go ahead and say something that he wanted me to just work with the youth and speak directly to them. He wanted me to just answer some questions.
Let me tell you that these young kids had me sweating something serious...as soon as I got up there I felt like I was going to shit my pants. :-)
I don't know how people do it every week...I mean it isn't hard, but it is nerve racking.
One of the things that they asked me was what did I feel about the things that were in the Old Testament vs. the New Testament.
I must admit that one was pretty easy. I said that the bible speaks about how Jesus Christ fulfilled the Old Law, and we had a new law with him. That the list of things in the Old Testament especially Leviticus doesn't apply to us now.
Jesus only ask that we are baptized in his name, receive the gift of the holy ghost, and basically follow in his character. Of course I said many christians are missing this last vital key and I gave some examples.
I saw the pastor give me a look so I quickly moved on. Guess I pushed some buttons. :-)
I mean it never really did since it was mainly for the religious priest of the day, but it has nothing to do with us gentiles.
So I told them eat all the pork they wanted though it wasn't all that healthy, I told to eat all the seafood they wanted, women can wear jeans, it is OK for tattoos and piercings (the old people whispered and gave me side eyes on that one.) and more. :-)
It felt like they gave me an easy one. My friend Paul was up there with me, so he took the next question. The next one I took was what I felt about the issue on oneness and what I felt about the trinity.
That was pretty easy too...I said I was raised Catholic and raised in the doctrine of the trinity my whole life, but I never really subscribed to it. There is one God and he goes by many names. He has been said to work through what people call the Holy Spirit, and he has veiled his greatness in humanity in what we call Jesus.
That is why we seek to see Jesus face, because we cannot do that with God if he is totally unveiled...it is too great for us. So I am a oneness guy because we don't serve 3 Gods. Of course there are a lot of people who believe otherwise, and use 2 bible versus to support them, but I have more than 2 to support mine, but I don't attack people.
I don't think it is right to do so...it only breeds contempt and more fighting...not something I want.
Then I got asked a big one...one that I was not prepared to tackle at all. One of the kids said he was suspended from school for gay bashing. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, and why did he think that behavior was justified.
He said the bible says so. I had to reiterate what I said earlier something that we all believe and accept today. He eventually came out and said that in his house faggots are wrong no matter what and then he went to Romans 1:26-27 to justify himself.
I had to go back and tell them that what Paul was talking about was the fact that these were people who knew better and were giving themselves over to idolatry.
These were men and women of God that knew God yet were worshiping the sun, moons, animals, and more. Pretty much what we call a hippie or witch today. Romans is talking about men and women who are giving false witness to false idols.
Something that most of us don't worry and concern themselves about, but it still goes on today.
Thankfully my friend had an parallel bible that was both the amplified and NKJV. I really do love the NKJV...breaks things into sections like little chapters or sub-heads...nice and easy.
Anyway here is that passage in both versions...I am actually going to go back 2 versus to include in it:
Romans 1:24-27 NKJV
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Romans 1:24-27 Amplified
24 Therefore
God gave them up in the lusts of their [own] hearts to sexual impurity,
to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves [abandoning them to
the degrading power of sin],
25 Because
they exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped and served the
creature rather than the Creator, Who is blessed forever! Amen (so be
it).
26 For this reason God gave them over and abandoned them to vile affections and degrading passions. For their women exchanged their natural function for an unnatural and abnormal one,
27 And
the men also turned from natural relations with women and were set
ablaze (burning out, consumed) with lust for one another—men committing
shameful acts with men and suffering in their own [d]bodies and personalities the inevitable consequences and penalty of their wrong-doing and going astray, which was [their] fitting retribution.
Both of these version very clearly show that this passage is about those committing adultery and for that God basically turned them from their natural to an unnatural one. Paul does talk about it in a lustful way, not in a loving and committed relationship that we all share and want to indulge in.
When you look at the words and take them literally as so many people like to and not think about the translations, and where they are coming from you actually see that there shouldn't be a problem.
If you are straight and never had any affiliations for men, but you sleep with them then you are giving up your natural desires to be with women for men. Same goes for women.
Normally I would go into the original text and the historical context about whatever it was I was teaching so that people can see where I am coming from and why I say what I say, but I am going to take it easy on this one.
So I told the whole church that based on what the scriptures say Paul was talking about people giving to idolatry, and because of that he led them to go out and do things against who they really are. But if you were born and at the point of sexual maturity or awakening and you are a boy that really likes boys or a girl that only likes girls then you are following your natural nature.
When Paul wrote what he wrote in Romans for it to make sense the men and women had to start out with a heterosexual nature, for them to be turned to an unnatural one. Just as in the same way a homosexual man who marries and mates with a woman is going against his nature.
Pretty straightforward to me...
After I was done I could see that most of the young kids were following and they were beginning to ask more questions and really learn. Even some of the older saints were perking up and really enjoying the talk I was giving.
Of course, there were people that didn't like it, and they voiced their objections, but I just stated what was in the bible. They really wanted to attack me, but I also said that here are somethings in the new testament that obviously most major churches are not following, and they can tell me what they think.
Here they are:
So I told the whole church that based on what the scriptures say Paul was talking about people giving to idolatry, and because of that he led them to go out and do things against who they really are. But if you were born and at the point of sexual maturity or awakening and you are a boy that really likes boys or a girl that only likes girls then you are following your natural nature.
When Paul wrote what he wrote in Romans for it to make sense the men and women had to start out with a heterosexual nature, for them to be turned to an unnatural one. Just as in the same way a homosexual man who marries and mates with a woman is going against his nature.
Pretty straightforward to me...
After I was done I could see that most of the young kids were following and they were beginning to ask more questions and really learn. Even some of the older saints were perking up and really enjoying the talk I was giving.
Of course, there were people that didn't like it, and they voiced their objections, but I just stated what was in the bible. They really wanted to attack me, but I also said that here are somethings in the new testament that obviously most major churches are not following, and they can tell me what they think.
Here they are:
- 1 Timothy 2:9
- Now this one is up for debate on what is acceptable for women to wear, but it does clearly talk about women in jewelry, gold, pearls, braided hair, or any costly garment. I was just hanging with my friend who is COGIC and another one who is Baptist...now I am going to leave it there because I have been to their churches and special events...hell even in my church. You'd be surprised.
- Mark 10:8
- This is talking about divorce and is pretty straightforward. How many people have been married and then remarried and are in the church...no comment. Though I do believe that some couples are toxic together and it is best that they separate...just my opinion.
- 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
- Basically it says that women should keep silence in church. They are not allowed to speak and are commanded to be obedient as it says under the law. Now I don't care for this one, and I don't agree, but it is very clear on what it says. I just say thank God I am a man, and I would love to hear someone try to put my mother under their foot...especially a man. LMAO...I feel bad for whoever they are.
So now that I am back home it is time to get to more work, even though I am feeling like I could use a nap. Oh well...no rest for those with big goals.
Someone asked me about premaritial sex. I looked around and all eyes and ears were on me. I said that I don't think you should be having casual sex and just throwing it around, but if you are in a serious committed adult relationship, then you can do what adults do.
Some had a real fit and others were shocked. I said that where it says about losing your virginity in Deuteronomy 22:20-21. It is no longer relevent to us as Christians today.
As to be expected I was told that I am now seen as a radical which to me is crazy...it is all right there. Oh well...nothing to be done about it now. Maybe this is what Van meant about being rough around the edges.
I told them I respect their concerns, but I am not going to lie or sugarcoat...the facts are right there, and it is even more concrete when you look at the original text and the history behind it. But that is for another day.
J-Bo
P.S. Sexual orientation as we know it now is a modern idea. Back in Jesus time and before there was not sexual orientation...there was a man doing what came natural to him, and a woman doing what comes natural to her. Either you had a natural affiliation towards the same sex and you acted accordingly, or you had an affliliation towards the opposite sex and you acted accordingly. I must admit that those days do seem to be easier...but I wouldn't give up my life for nothing. :-)
P.P.S. Why is it that when the bible talks about straight love and lust, that we do not condemn a loving mature relationship? But when we see lust in a gay relationship we want to attack and ban the loving committed relationships of gay people. When I ask people this they just can't give me anything real and substantial. Where are our leaders??
P.S. Sexual orientation as we know it now is a modern idea. Back in Jesus time and before there was not sexual orientation...there was a man doing what came natural to him, and a woman doing what comes natural to her. Either you had a natural affiliation towards the same sex and you acted accordingly, or you had an affliliation towards the opposite sex and you acted accordingly. I must admit that those days do seem to be easier...but I wouldn't give up my life for nothing. :-)
P.P.S. Why is it that when the bible talks about straight love and lust, that we do not condemn a loving mature relationship? But when we see lust in a gay relationship we want to attack and ban the loving committed relationships of gay people. When I ask people this they just can't give me anything real and substantial. Where are our leaders??
Sunday, July 29, 2012
God please help my family!!
So there is so much drama going on with my mother's side of the family...
From what I am hearing my grandmother's house has been turned into a battle ground all over again.
My cousins were acting a damn fool, and bringing drama.
My mother said that my grandmother has been physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, and financially abused.
I just want my grandmother to do what she wanted to do for the past 3-4 years. Sell her house, and move to Florida and enjoy the rest of her life, and leave the drama of NYC alone.
Also it seems my aunts are just there trying to attack and attack. Also my aunt who is living with my grandmother is also going through it. I mean her children are the main ones bringing and causeing all the drama.
My aunt has also been attacked physically, mentally, and emotionally by not only her own children, but it seems my aunts are jumping down her throat as well so she is getting no support from her sisters.
I know what it feels like to be the enemy to be the one people blame and attack for everything. I know how lonely it feels, and how much it hurts, and the pain that it causes.
I just want this to stop. I want my grandmother to move down south, and leave all this alone, and just enjoy the rest of her days.
I want my cousins to use commonsense and stop all the foolishness and resentful behavior.
I want my aunts to get out of my other aunts business, because even though they are sisters, they do not live her life, and do not know what they go through and feel on a day to day basis.
I just feel like it isn't fair...but life isn't fair. My mother says she is going to help her sister as much as possible. She is talking to my father right now about it, and he is overseas again...gotta love my folks. I want a marriage like theirs...but only better and with my special twist.
I am going to make someone a very happy husband...whether it is a man or woman. To be honest I think I maybe more gay than bi, but let's leave that between us. It still feels easier to say I am bi than gay, even though my happiest and healthiest relationship has been with a man.
Not sure how I got to this tangent, but I do do that sometimes. Habit I guess. :-)
So folks the pressure has just been turned on not only for me, but for the rest of my family as well. I have a lot of work to do, and I need to become more than who and what I am, so that I can do more than I am now.
Time to go to work...then maybe an early night.
Times like this make me yearn for someone to speak to. Someone to share my problems with and have them just hear me out...someone to care. Such is the pain of being single...no one like that in your corner.
God you showed me such great love before and it was great minus some problems with that had to do with identity and ideologies...please bless me again.
My mother said if they had things going on in their own lives, then this wouldn't be happening. It is gunny cause it is the same thing that I have told Van about the adults in his family...if they actually had a life and had someone to love they wouldn't be so concerned on everyone else.
I find it funny that the thing all the people in his family want and desire now, he had...I am not going to continue. He doesn't think or care about me...I will do the same. :-)
Much blessing and love to all of you who read this...have a great Sunday.
J-Bo
P.S. I see Van's brother posted a status on FB saying he is getting drunk tonight...that boy is too crazy and too much into being his own man. He coulda thrived in my household where it was taught to be your own person. I just hope he is using protection...no one wants him to be a father right now...cause he is laying it down over there.
From what I am hearing my grandmother's house has been turned into a battle ground all over again.
My cousins were acting a damn fool, and bringing drama.
My mother said that my grandmother has been physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, and financially abused.
I just want my grandmother to do what she wanted to do for the past 3-4 years. Sell her house, and move to Florida and enjoy the rest of her life, and leave the drama of NYC alone.
Also it seems my aunts are just there trying to attack and attack. Also my aunt who is living with my grandmother is also going through it. I mean her children are the main ones bringing and causeing all the drama.
My aunt has also been attacked physically, mentally, and emotionally by not only her own children, but it seems my aunts are jumping down her throat as well so she is getting no support from her sisters.
I know what it feels like to be the enemy to be the one people blame and attack for everything. I know how lonely it feels, and how much it hurts, and the pain that it causes.
I just want this to stop. I want my grandmother to move down south, and leave all this alone, and just enjoy the rest of her days.
I want my cousins to use commonsense and stop all the foolishness and resentful behavior.
I want my aunts to get out of my other aunts business, because even though they are sisters, they do not live her life, and do not know what they go through and feel on a day to day basis.
I just feel like it isn't fair...but life isn't fair. My mother says she is going to help her sister as much as possible. She is talking to my father right now about it, and he is overseas again...gotta love my folks. I want a marriage like theirs...but only better and with my special twist.
I am going to make someone a very happy husband...whether it is a man or woman. To be honest I think I maybe more gay than bi, but let's leave that between us. It still feels easier to say I am bi than gay, even though my happiest and healthiest relationship has been with a man.
Not sure how I got to this tangent, but I do do that sometimes. Habit I guess. :-)
So folks the pressure has just been turned on not only for me, but for the rest of my family as well. I have a lot of work to do, and I need to become more than who and what I am, so that I can do more than I am now.
Time to go to work...then maybe an early night.
Times like this make me yearn for someone to speak to. Someone to share my problems with and have them just hear me out...someone to care. Such is the pain of being single...no one like that in your corner.
God you showed me such great love before and it was great minus some problems with that had to do with identity and ideologies...please bless me again.
My mother said if they had things going on in their own lives, then this wouldn't be happening. It is gunny cause it is the same thing that I have told Van about the adults in his family...if they actually had a life and had someone to love they wouldn't be so concerned on everyone else.
I find it funny that the thing all the people in his family want and desire now, he had...I am not going to continue. He doesn't think or care about me...I will do the same. :-)
Much blessing and love to all of you who read this...have a great Sunday.
J-Bo
P.S. I see Van's brother posted a status on FB saying he is getting drunk tonight...that boy is too crazy and too much into being his own man. He coulda thrived in my household where it was taught to be your own person. I just hope he is using protection...no one wants him to be a father right now...cause he is laying it down over there.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Frustration...
So today was kind of a disappointment.
So much I want to do and accomplish, but for some reason things seem to be moving so slowly.
I know that it is a process and I have to pay my dues, but OMG...I am dying with anticipation.
I think what I am going to do in the meantime is see about becoming a teacher. I mean I get good pay and benefits and really great vacation time. So I cannot be mad at that.
Of course, I am still going to work on my other stuff...all my mentors say the samething. Take care of today's cashflow needs first, and then worry about building wealth for tomorrow later.
I am so ready for this time in my life to be over. I just got over so much drama and learned to deal and accept so many things. I mean that is why so many people from so many different Christian denominations and backgrounds all love the Serenity Prayer:
P.S. My friends Jeff and Paul in Europe are living the good life, and their kids Keith and Donny are AWESOME!!!! I so want them to come and visit...I need them back in my life. :-)
P.P.S. My pastor friend was being pushed to make a anti-gay statement, so he chose the most bland and easy one he could think of according to him. He choose one in support of Chick Fil A for their statements, and he said that got some heat off of him. It is so sad when we have to cover up and do something we don't want to just to keep attention off of ourselves, but I understand. It isn't easy...not at all. His partner isn't happy about that comment he made, but I am sure they will make up. :-)
So much I want to do and accomplish, but for some reason things seem to be moving so slowly.
I know that it is a process and I have to pay my dues, but OMG...I am dying with anticipation.
I think what I am going to do in the meantime is see about becoming a teacher. I mean I get good pay and benefits and really great vacation time. So I cannot be mad at that.
Of course, I am still going to work on my other stuff...all my mentors say the samething. Take care of today's cashflow needs first, and then worry about building wealth for tomorrow later.
I am so ready for this time in my life to be over. I just got over so much drama and learned to deal and accept so many things. I mean that is why so many people from so many different Christian denominations and backgrounds all love the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
I have a lot of work to do you guys. I have a lot of great things coming up, and I just need to stay diligent and keep working hard. Not easy, but it is worth it.
On that note, I am off to bed...gotta get ready for a busy day tomorrow.
J-Bo
P.S. My friends Jeff and Paul in Europe are living the good life, and their kids Keith and Donny are AWESOME!!!! I so want them to come and visit...I need them back in my life. :-)
P.P.S. My pastor friend was being pushed to make a anti-gay statement, so he chose the most bland and easy one he could think of according to him. He choose one in support of Chick Fil A for their statements, and he said that got some heat off of him. It is so sad when we have to cover up and do something we don't want to just to keep attention off of ourselves, but I understand. It isn't easy...not at all. His partner isn't happy about that comment he made, but I am sure they will make up. :-)
Friday, July 27, 2012
The Writer's Life
So I am finally home after a long day.
Been writing like crazy.
Both music and copywriting material...not easy, but I feel really acccomplished and really good. :-)
The day started with my mom going nuts on me, but that is what it is.
Then my friend Alli came over to work on music and chill...her ass fell right asleep on my coach. I guess she needed the rest.
Then I went to school while writing had to help 2 people with some life stuff, and then play piano and make music with Alli.
After that it was off to my best friends house to eat with him and his wife and talk about life, love, and God.
Then my friend walked me to the train and we had a real serious life discussion about what is my next step, and what we are doing as men this day and age. It was not an easy conversation, and it wasn't easy to hear it coming from him, but I love him, and I know where it was coming from.
So I am raising my standards for myself yet again, and going to another level. God help me because the last time I did this, I made great things happen, but I was a lil overzealous and went into shock and my body shut down for a week. :-(
Gotta be smart about this one, but still play to win.
Goodnight you guys...I have to get to bed...maybe give Aaron and Dishone a call first. They are still arguing and it is over nothing.
I wish they could see how Van and I interacted...we never let things get to big, and we respected each other's weaknesses and strengths. I mean we still wanted to fight and kill each other, but that is part of the process. :-)
I do miss him...his smile and his frown. But that is for another day. I need to sleep and get up early. I want to wish him good luck on his test, but I am going to have all the kids and ppl I introduced to him tell him. He won't know it is from me.
I want him to think I just don't care. Not sure why...I guess pride and maybe I am a chauvinist.
When you know who you are & you know God intimately, you'll be unstoppable. The two are
very connected.
Been writing like crazy.
Both music and copywriting material...not easy, but I feel really acccomplished and really good. :-)
The day started with my mom going nuts on me, but that is what it is.
Then my friend Alli came over to work on music and chill...her ass fell right asleep on my coach. I guess she needed the rest.
Then I went to school while writing had to help 2 people with some life stuff, and then play piano and make music with Alli.
After that it was off to my best friends house to eat with him and his wife and talk about life, love, and God.
Then my friend walked me to the train and we had a real serious life discussion about what is my next step, and what we are doing as men this day and age. It was not an easy conversation, and it wasn't easy to hear it coming from him, but I love him, and I know where it was coming from.
So I am raising my standards for myself yet again, and going to another level. God help me because the last time I did this, I made great things happen, but I was a lil overzealous and went into shock and my body shut down for a week. :-(
Gotta be smart about this one, but still play to win.
Goodnight you guys...I have to get to bed...maybe give Aaron and Dishone a call first. They are still arguing and it is over nothing.
I wish they could see how Van and I interacted...we never let things get to big, and we respected each other's weaknesses and strengths. I mean we still wanted to fight and kill each other, but that is part of the process. :-)
I do miss him...his smile and his frown. But that is for another day. I need to sleep and get up early. I want to wish him good luck on his test, but I am going to have all the kids and ppl I introduced to him tell him. He won't know it is from me.
I want him to think I just don't care. Not sure why...I guess pride and maybe I am a chauvinist.
When you know who you are & you know God intimately, you'll be unstoppable. The two are
very connected.
‘The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind a faithful servant. We
have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.’
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
“They must find it difficult...Those who have taken authority as the truth,
Rather than truth as the authority”
- G. Massey, Egyptologist
- G. Massey, Egyptologist
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Just one of those days..
Well what can I say...today was one unproductive day.
First it started off with me not sleeping so I was up for like 36 hours. Not sure why...I tried everything, but couldn't fall asleep. So I ended up doing some work, and tried to watch animal planet to hep me drift off.
Bad idea.
I love animal planet...I ended up all night watching all the shows and being fascinated and learning. What you have to understand is that when I was younger I wanted to be a vet or a zoologist, so animal stuff always works on me.
I found a different way to help, by helping charities and foundations that help the animals, and help join a cause already in effect.
Anyway so I am up, and I wanted my mom to give me a drop off to school. I had rehearsal. She wakes up and complains about something. So I knew a ride was outta the question.
I didn't want to be in the car with her if she was going to be bitching...not looking forward to an uncomfortable ride. And I heard her mumble that she was not going to give me a ride...real nice. :-(
So I get to school and pass out in the library, but only for like 30 mins, because I have rehearsal.
Which was so unproductive. I am going to have a real talk with the director, and let him tell me what is going on?? I don't feel like wasting my time especially nowadays...got money to make.
Also I couldn't play right after awhile. I couldn't sing, and I was playing off b/c I couldn't focus on where and what I was doing. Not ideal, but shit happens, so I called an early rehearsal and went home to sleep.
So now I am awake, and still feeling drained. So I tink me not going to talk to nobody, and me going back to sleep.
I wanted to work on these packages, and also on sending out some more proposals, but I can't do it. I am in need of sleep.
I came home around 4ish and just got up like 15 mins ago...that is how tired I was and still am. Smh
Before I go, I want to say that it is getting easier not having Van around...I will always love him, and I know what is going on. He is good at burrying and ingnoring his feelings...it has been a good relfex for him...not really healthy, but tell him that. :-)
I do miss him and I look forward to the day when we can meet again...as bigger better men than where we left off.
It would be nice...
I am reading stories of people breaking up and getting divorced over simple stuff. The funny thing is that I had a relationship that when I tell people about they are astonished, and they are jealous.
Lord Jesus you have to fix it...I leave it your hands God. You are working behind the scenes, but please work faster. Also bless me pockets...I want to give to a few charities, and I really want to bless my church.
My pastor is really someone who teaches and imparts wisdom...not letting us settle just to hear, but to really study and seek you Jesus.
Anyway I am off to bed...gotta get ready for tomorrow and to get these headlines and leads polished and ready to go.
J-Bo
First it started off with me not sleeping so I was up for like 36 hours. Not sure why...I tried everything, but couldn't fall asleep. So I ended up doing some work, and tried to watch animal planet to hep me drift off.
Bad idea.
I love animal planet...I ended up all night watching all the shows and being fascinated and learning. What you have to understand is that when I was younger I wanted to be a vet or a zoologist, so animal stuff always works on me.
I found a different way to help, by helping charities and foundations that help the animals, and help join a cause already in effect.
Anyway so I am up, and I wanted my mom to give me a drop off to school. I had rehearsal. She wakes up and complains about something. So I knew a ride was outta the question.
I didn't want to be in the car with her if she was going to be bitching...not looking forward to an uncomfortable ride. And I heard her mumble that she was not going to give me a ride...real nice. :-(
So I get to school and pass out in the library, but only for like 30 mins, because I have rehearsal.
Which was so unproductive. I am going to have a real talk with the director, and let him tell me what is going on?? I don't feel like wasting my time especially nowadays...got money to make.
Also I couldn't play right after awhile. I couldn't sing, and I was playing off b/c I couldn't focus on where and what I was doing. Not ideal, but shit happens, so I called an early rehearsal and went home to sleep.
So now I am awake, and still feeling drained. So I tink me not going to talk to nobody, and me going back to sleep.
I wanted to work on these packages, and also on sending out some more proposals, but I can't do it. I am in need of sleep.
I came home around 4ish and just got up like 15 mins ago...that is how tired I was and still am. Smh
Before I go, I want to say that it is getting easier not having Van around...I will always love him, and I know what is going on. He is good at burrying and ingnoring his feelings...it has been a good relfex for him...not really healthy, but tell him that. :-)
I do miss him and I look forward to the day when we can meet again...as bigger better men than where we left off.
It would be nice...
I am reading stories of people breaking up and getting divorced over simple stuff. The funny thing is that I had a relationship that when I tell people about they are astonished, and they are jealous.
Lord Jesus you have to fix it...I leave it your hands God. You are working behind the scenes, but please work faster. Also bless me pockets...I want to give to a few charities, and I really want to bless my church.
My pastor is really someone who teaches and imparts wisdom...not letting us settle just to hear, but to really study and seek you Jesus.
Anyway I am off to bed...gotta get ready for tomorrow and to get these headlines and leads polished and ready to go.
J-Bo
Monday, July 23, 2012
Can you be saved and not delivered or are they the same thing??
Here is a convo that is going on...on Facebook:
Here is one of the comments on the post that I really like and sheds light on the situation.
I personally don't believe in "saved but, not delivered" doctrine. I feel like It's a false premise with NO biblical foundation. What are your thoughts? *Please use correct exegesis, feel free to use a lexicon. SPEAK-UP AND TALK INTO THE MIC!!!!
This is a conversation that is happening from one of V's friends.
With people surrounding him like this I can see why he wanted me to keep my distance...they seem to be on the offensive looking to attack at any chance they get. Smh...
There are a lot of people commenting and honestly it is easy to feel a little overwhelmed. I like his post because I believe that once you accept Christ into your life and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost than you are saved and delivered.
I think that where the gap happens is in things that we feel have to be delivered from. When you really study and go in depth into the bible as all pastors, ministers, and the like are doing they get a deeper revelation.
But it is funny that people go in deep and use all the tools to show their causes and beliefs and reasoning's. But from this no one wants to go in deep. No one wants to do what they do for all other scripture.
Why aren't some of these leaders going into the bible like they do with everything else...I mean this is what they do:
- Go into the Greek
- Go into the Hebrew
- Look at the historical context to see what the meaning was for then, and to see how it pertained to them.
Here is one of the comments on the post that I really like and sheds light on the situation.
Salvation is deliverance from the penalty of our sin.... Deliverance however is liberty or freedom from condition/situations!!!! I can get "SAVED" while I'm in "IT".... Until GOD delivers me "FROM IT"!!!
My name is Rabbi Barmore and I approved this message! Lmbo
My name is Rabbi Barmore and I approved this message! Lmbo
I like what he said. But what I am shocked is that no one ever ask what if I am wrong and this is not a problem. I mean people are so stuck in one way that they never open themselves up to see what God is really doing.
You'd think that all these people would stop and be like wait a minute...there are things in the bible we don't follow and I believe it for no reason than it was told to me. Let me be a smart and conscious Christian and think things through...
This is just my rant...
They also mentioned that Pastor Sheard said something about homosexuals, but he just stated it. He never once went in on why, and go in deep like they do for everything else.
When i ask people why they do what they do now, they just give me an answer that basically means they are just following suit and it was how they were raised. All I can say is that I thank God for the people who challenged the bible and saw that God did not want us to live life like that anymore...from slavery, medicine, science, astrology/astronomy, sexuality, and equality. All things that the bible is clear on that everyone and their mama in most churches...especially Pentecostal churches don't follow.
I still talk to my friend who's grandparents believe that slavery and modern rights for blacks and women are still wrong and not of God. If I was to say that on that post all of them would say that those people were backwards and living in the past and it is wrong...funny how that works. :-)
J-Bo
Why does everything hurt so much??
For some reason my head, knees, and back are killing me!!!!
What is going on?!!?!?!
I haven't been sleeping right, and I know I got somethings to work out and get knocked outta the park. Time to reset.
Going to call it an early night tonight...no talking to the kids or Tony and Pastor. They have been great, but...anyway. :-)
So I have no real updates for you guys...things are coming along, but they are coming along slowly. I hope that things speed up, but that is not in my control.
Lord I need a vacation!!! And I want to just be excellence Lord...I want everything to be as great as it can be. I know that I have to do my part. God has done his part and continues to do his part...he wakes me up every morning so I know I have something still left to do.
AAAHHHH!!!!! I MISS...nothing. Just wanted to yell. I am doing everything I can to stay away and not call. I have to stay strong...but I don't even know if what I am being is strong or prideful...I know he is prideful. :-P
Lemme get some food and then lay down...I need to get back to 0.
J-Bo
What is going on?!!?!?!
I haven't been sleeping right, and I know I got somethings to work out and get knocked outta the park. Time to reset.
Going to call it an early night tonight...no talking to the kids or Tony and Pastor. They have been great, but...anyway. :-)
So I have no real updates for you guys...things are coming along, but they are coming along slowly. I hope that things speed up, but that is not in my control.
Lord I need a vacation!!! And I want to just be excellence Lord...I want everything to be as great as it can be. I know that I have to do my part. God has done his part and continues to do his part...he wakes me up every morning so I know I have something still left to do.
AAAHHHH!!!!! I MISS...nothing. Just wanted to yell. I am doing everything I can to stay away and not call. I have to stay strong...but I don't even know if what I am being is strong or prideful...I know he is prideful. :-P
Lemme get some food and then lay down...I need to get back to 0.
J-Bo
Sunday, July 22, 2012
TRUTH!!!
I had a great time today in church and coming up next month we have our Holy Convocation, and I am looking forward to it.
I am still waiting for the church to official opens it's doors for new members, but it doesn't matter to me. I still consider it to be my new church family.
There is still this other church close to me i want to visit, and it is only because on some days when I don't feel like taking a bus or want something 10 mins from my house I can walk to this COGIC church close by. We shall see...
So the pastor was on point today...and the music was AWESOME!!!! I really cannot wait to join the music department, but I can honestly wait...no need to rush the good stuff.
So I am still getting my music under control, and I am waiting for my lesson with my voice teachers, voice coach, and voice therapist. I also got two professional opera/classical singers who want to work with me and get me ahead. I gotta hustle...
Pastor said something really deep today...he said that you cannot go through life expecting anything you want and deserve to be easy. He said all because you are going through and feeling what you are feeling doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.
The direction you are most scared to go to, and most nervous about is usually where your growth and blessings are. Look at Job...he did everything right and the Lord tested him to no end. What else can we expect. For things to go well and easy for us???
That really blessed me...sometimes I think that maybe if it is a lot of work then it is not meant to be. But then I rememeber all the greats. All the people that we read stories about and look up to. They fought for what they have and where they are now...
None of them talk about having it easy, and most had to come against all odds to become the successes we love today...and they are in all business areas, and all walks of life.
I AM SO READY!!!!!! :-)
Things are just coming together...I still have a while to go, but I am looking forward to the journey.
I gotta go guys...I need to get to bed...my ass is TIRED!!!!
J-Bo
I am still waiting for the church to official opens it's doors for new members, but it doesn't matter to me. I still consider it to be my new church family.
There is still this other church close to me i want to visit, and it is only because on some days when I don't feel like taking a bus or want something 10 mins from my house I can walk to this COGIC church close by. We shall see...
So the pastor was on point today...and the music was AWESOME!!!! I really cannot wait to join the music department, but I can honestly wait...no need to rush the good stuff.
So I am still getting my music under control, and I am waiting for my lesson with my voice teachers, voice coach, and voice therapist. I also got two professional opera/classical singers who want to work with me and get me ahead. I gotta hustle...
Pastor said something really deep today...he said that you cannot go through life expecting anything you want and deserve to be easy. He said all because you are going through and feeling what you are feeling doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.
The direction you are most scared to go to, and most nervous about is usually where your growth and blessings are. Look at Job...he did everything right and the Lord tested him to no end. What else can we expect. For things to go well and easy for us???
That really blessed me...sometimes I think that maybe if it is a lot of work then it is not meant to be. But then I rememeber all the greats. All the people that we read stories about and look up to. They fought for what they have and where they are now...
None of them talk about having it easy, and most had to come against all odds to become the successes we love today...and they are in all business areas, and all walks of life.
I AM SO READY!!!!!! :-)
Things are just coming together...I still have a while to go, but I am looking forward to the journey.
I gotta go guys...I need to get to bed...my ass is TIRED!!!!
J-Bo
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Can you say YES LORD!!!!!
This is going to be a quick and short...
I had an awesome day today...I didn't get much work done, but that is ok.
I needed to have fun and enjoy myself and just be around those type of people.
I mean we went test driving brand new cars...we went joy riding. We sent singing and even more.
We have plans to have to go kayaking in the city...happens like 3-4x a week, and then we have plans to do more.
I've been looking for some people down to drive cross country and make some memories...some of these people seem down, and I have been looking for those looking to do some international traveling.
I so love my life right now...things are not where I want them to be, but that is part of the fun.
I have a few networking events to go to, for business and I am nervous, but looking forward to it...I cannot lie.
So much things are happening, and I have to really hustle because I am reaching timelines for a lot of things.
I especially have to finish getting this headline and lead for this copywriting challenge...I want to do it, for the practice and see how well I will do.
Till next time...I am going to call it an early night and get to bed...looking forward to church tomorrow.
J-Bo
P.S. Pray for me that this deal comes through. It will mean a 6-figure fee, and 5 figures a month in passive income.
I had an awesome day today...I didn't get much work done, but that is ok.
I needed to have fun and enjoy myself and just be around those type of people.
I mean we went test driving brand new cars...we went joy riding. We sent singing and even more.
We have plans to have to go kayaking in the city...happens like 3-4x a week, and then we have plans to do more.
I've been looking for some people down to drive cross country and make some memories...some of these people seem down, and I have been looking for those looking to do some international traveling.
I so love my life right now...things are not where I want them to be, but that is part of the fun.
I have a few networking events to go to, for business and I am nervous, but looking forward to it...I cannot lie.
So much things are happening, and I have to really hustle because I am reaching timelines for a lot of things.
I especially have to finish getting this headline and lead for this copywriting challenge...I want to do it, for the practice and see how well I will do.
Till next time...I am going to call it an early night and get to bed...looking forward to church tomorrow.
J-Bo
P.S. Pray for me that this deal comes through. It will mean a 6-figure fee, and 5 figures a month in passive income.
Friday, July 20, 2012
WTF?!?!?!?!
I am sitting here watching tv trying to do some work.
All I wanna do is call Van...I wanna hear his voice, complain about him, argue with him, laugh with him, smile with him, hold him, and kiss him.
God I am missing him so much right now.
I miss him so much that it is hard to focus.
I am watching all of these shows and I never realized everything is about marriage, love, commitment, and so on.
Also I am thinking about going to see the new Batman and Magic Mike movies, and all I wanna do is go with Van so he can cover his eyes, and plead the blood of Jesus.
I am smiling right now as I write this. He is so funny and cute when he does that. The funnies is when he pulls his shirt over his head...LMAO!!!!! Too cute and too funny!!!!
Oh well...I almost called him today. I wanted to hear his voice. I know that Aaron and Dishone are doing the couple thing today, and Steve is at work. The Big 3 are all busy, and to be honest the only person I want to talk to is that annoying idiot Van.
I know it is raining and all, but we coulda been here at my place watching tv and relaxing. I woulda been taking a nap while he sat at the table doing his studying...and then I would drive him home...that is if he didn't drive me.
Ok...lemme go and get some work done. Or better yet lemme try to get some work done. Not working well...
The real kicker is when I sat here and watched Sex and the City the movie...the first one. OMG...this thing had me thinking of this fool HARD!!!!!!!!!!
What am I going to do?? Only God knows what is in store for me...
J-Bo
All I wanna do is call Van...I wanna hear his voice, complain about him, argue with him, laugh with him, smile with him, hold him, and kiss him.
God I am missing him so much right now.
I miss him so much that it is hard to focus.
I am watching all of these shows and I never realized everything is about marriage, love, commitment, and so on.
Also I am thinking about going to see the new Batman and Magic Mike movies, and all I wanna do is go with Van so he can cover his eyes, and plead the blood of Jesus.
I am smiling right now as I write this. He is so funny and cute when he does that. The funnies is when he pulls his shirt over his head...LMAO!!!!! Too cute and too funny!!!!
Oh well...I almost called him today. I wanted to hear his voice. I know that Aaron and Dishone are doing the couple thing today, and Steve is at work. The Big 3 are all busy, and to be honest the only person I want to talk to is that annoying idiot Van.
I know it is raining and all, but we coulda been here at my place watching tv and relaxing. I woulda been taking a nap while he sat at the table doing his studying...and then I would drive him home...that is if he didn't drive me.
Ok...lemme go and get some work done. Or better yet lemme try to get some work done. Not working well...
The real kicker is when I sat here and watched Sex and the City the movie...the first one. OMG...this thing had me thinking of this fool HARD!!!!!!!!!!
What am I going to do?? Only God knows what is in store for me...
J-Bo
Some Dream
Wow...so lemme just say this.
I went to bed last night at 7pm...7PM!!!!!!!!!
Woke up at 5ish this morning...what the hell is going on?!?!?!
Guess my body needed the sleep. I am not sure exactley, but it was a good sleep. Feel like going back down for the count. I really, really need a vacation yall.
So I want to tell you guys about this dream I had...it was steamy and hot as I don't know what. I want to go back to that place and just live there for awhile. Yes it was that good. If I could have that dream everynight then I would be looking to sleep and take naps...ON THE REGULAR!!!!!!
Smh...so damn fine!!!!!
Anyway I was in this war fighting for the greater good. You know flying and kicking butt and all that jazz. In my dreams I am always fighting...kind of like the Justice League or Avatar or one of those good versus evil deals.
So there is this one huge, muscled up ADONIS (YES *drooling a little*) that I cannot defeat. I mean he is really giving me a run for my money. Now that I think about it, he could actually really hurt me and do me some serious damnage.
I get him pinned down, and when I really look at him I am hard as a rock...in my dream of course.
So while a battle is going on we just lock eyes. It isn't one of those love locks or anything...it was one of those let's fuck locks.
They are subtle, but there was no denying it. So funny enough we made plans to sneak out of the fight and hook up. Wherever we were there was a college campus, because we used one of the dorm rooms.
He said he just wanted his balls drained...but I know my skill. He said I wouldn't be able to fuck him. I know guys like that...well I got that ass. And I am not one to give up my ass like that. I consider myself a vers/top, but more vers. Still I wasn't going to let him get any.
But something about this nigga in this dream had me horny and open as hell. So I rode the hell out of him.
So I wake up extra hard, extra horny, and just well let's leave it at that. Gotta keep this blog somewhat PG...
So I am up now, and I might as well get to work. I need to keep myself busy and active...then I won't think about this dude that often. I cannot believe I slept 10 hours straight...I feel like a loser.
Oh well...nothing to complain about now. Just gotta get to it. Wish it wasn't raining...I'd go out for a run. Maybe later.
Or maybe I'll try and get back into that dream. Pray for me yall, but that man was FINE!!!!! He was just my type too!!!! YES LORD!!!!! LOL :-D
J-Bo
I went to bed last night at 7pm...7PM!!!!!!!!!
Woke up at 5ish this morning...what the hell is going on?!?!?!
Guess my body needed the sleep. I am not sure exactley, but it was a good sleep. Feel like going back down for the count. I really, really need a vacation yall.
So I want to tell you guys about this dream I had...it was steamy and hot as I don't know what. I want to go back to that place and just live there for awhile. Yes it was that good. If I could have that dream everynight then I would be looking to sleep and take naps...ON THE REGULAR!!!!!!
Smh...so damn fine!!!!!
Anyway I was in this war fighting for the greater good. You know flying and kicking butt and all that jazz. In my dreams I am always fighting...kind of like the Justice League or Avatar or one of those good versus evil deals.
So there is this one huge, muscled up ADONIS (YES *drooling a little*) that I cannot defeat. I mean he is really giving me a run for my money. Now that I think about it, he could actually really hurt me and do me some serious damnage.
I get him pinned down, and when I really look at him I am hard as a rock...in my dream of course.
So while a battle is going on we just lock eyes. It isn't one of those love locks or anything...it was one of those let's fuck locks.
They are subtle, but there was no denying it. So funny enough we made plans to sneak out of the fight and hook up. Wherever we were there was a college campus, because we used one of the dorm rooms.
He said he just wanted his balls drained...but I know my skill. He said I wouldn't be able to fuck him. I know guys like that...well I got that ass. And I am not one to give up my ass like that. I consider myself a vers/top, but more vers. Still I wasn't going to let him get any.
But something about this nigga in this dream had me horny and open as hell. So I rode the hell out of him.
So I wake up extra hard, extra horny, and just well let's leave it at that. Gotta keep this blog somewhat PG...
So I am up now, and I might as well get to work. I need to keep myself busy and active...then I won't think about this dude that often. I cannot believe I slept 10 hours straight...I feel like a loser.
Oh well...nothing to complain about now. Just gotta get to it. Wish it wasn't raining...I'd go out for a run. Maybe later.
Or maybe I'll try and get back into that dream. Pray for me yall, but that man was FINE!!!!! He was just my type too!!!! YES LORD!!!!! LOL :-D
J-Bo
Thursday, July 19, 2012
LAID IT DOWN!!!!
So Aaron is over here and talking about him and Dishone moving down to ATL.
It isn't even about moving down there...it is about building a life together and making it work for them. I am very very proud of them.
And maybe a little jealous. :-)
He just told me that Dishone said the F word during sex...LMFAO!!!!!!!
I AM CRYING LAUGHING OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!
This has helped to make my day that much better...it reminds me of the first time Van cursed...I his dick in my mouth and he said shit, damn, hell yea, and more. It was hot.
It wasn't until I had my tounge in his ass that he blurted out fuck yes...FUCK YES!!!!!
LMAO!!!! Memories...these are fun times. Remembering the good times.
Give you guys an update later.
J-Bo
It isn't even about moving down there...it is about building a life together and making it work for them. I am very very proud of them.
And maybe a little jealous. :-)
He just told me that Dishone said the F word during sex...LMFAO!!!!!!!
I AM CRYING LAUGHING OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!
This has helped to make my day that much better...it reminds me of the first time Van cursed...I his dick in my mouth and he said shit, damn, hell yea, and more. It was hot.
It wasn't until I had my tounge in his ass that he blurted out fuck yes...FUCK YES!!!!!
LMAO!!!! Memories...these are fun times. Remembering the good times.
Give you guys an update later.
J-Bo
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Hairspray Rehearsal
I had a great time today at rehearsal.
We made a lot of ground and I am proud of all of us. It hasn't been easy with getting thrown out of our old place, but we are making some serious moves and doing what we can.
On the other side of things today has been unproductive in other areas of my life, but I will pick up on things tomorrow so I am not to worried about it.
I also start learning French, Italian, Spanish, and German tomorrow, so I gotta get my mind right for all of that.
I have to send out more proposals and do some more business planning...none of this is easy, and I really feel like giving up, but I cannot and I will not do it.
I have big dreams and those dreams require big faith and big action.
Aaron is suppose to be coming over tomorrow before he goes to work to chill and talk shop so I am looking forward to that. Then I have the rest of the day to do some serious work and hustle.
I saw someone on campus that reminded me of Van...after a closer look I saw that it wasn't him. I do miss him...he is a great friend (once you get past his "habits" lol).
Anyway I think I am going to call it an early night...going to shower and then get some rest. Looking forward to my vacation...God willing should be soon. I will be in the perfect position to take whomever I want...
Who will I take?
J-Bo
We made a lot of ground and I am proud of all of us. It hasn't been easy with getting thrown out of our old place, but we are making some serious moves and doing what we can.
On the other side of things today has been unproductive in other areas of my life, but I will pick up on things tomorrow so I am not to worried about it.
I also start learning French, Italian, Spanish, and German tomorrow, so I gotta get my mind right for all of that.
I have to send out more proposals and do some more business planning...none of this is easy, and I really feel like giving up, but I cannot and I will not do it.
I have big dreams and those dreams require big faith and big action.
Aaron is suppose to be coming over tomorrow before he goes to work to chill and talk shop so I am looking forward to that. Then I have the rest of the day to do some serious work and hustle.
I saw someone on campus that reminded me of Van...after a closer look I saw that it wasn't him. I do miss him...he is a great friend (once you get past his "habits" lol).
Anyway I think I am going to call it an early night...going to shower and then get some rest. Looking forward to my vacation...God willing should be soon. I will be in the perfect position to take whomever I want...
Who will I take?
J-Bo
Monday, July 16, 2012
Lord, I Want You To Help Me
So I want to start off today with saying I am so sick and tired of feeling mediocre and like I am just doing the bare minimum.
I mean what I say...
I am so tired of feeling like I am barely making it and just getting by.
I know that the bigger your dreams the more faith you need, and the more pain and discomfort you have to be willing to endure to get it, but come on. I am feeling like I am being attacked.
I want to be 110% honest with you guys...I AM SCARED!!!!!
There is so much fear and doubt running through my head that sometimes it is hard to hear and think clearly. Every time I take a step I get met with problems...I know that it is a test because only those who want greatness and can go for it fully can withstand all of this.
I promise that I am trying my very best to make all of this work out for me. I am not giving my all. I know I am not.
I am scared of failing, I am scared of being a success, I am scared of not knowing what will come either way.
I know what to expect if I follow my parents and everyone else's plan for my life. I know I can expect to just do ok, and survive. I want more than to just survive.
I want to prosper and I want to thrive!!!
I am stuck giving 1/2 an effort and it is all me standing in my own way. Unlike other people and their families, mines support me 110% in what it is that I want to do. It is my life to live, but that doesn't make it any less scary.
In fact having all these big dreams and goals is more scary because of what they take to make a reality. I mean wow...
On a side note I talked to Aaron and Dishone and they are spending sometime watching movies together and then going out to dinner and to listen to some music.
To say I am jealous of them is an understatement.
I mean I had more than what they have now, and it was so great. I know God is working things out, but it still hurts and it is still annoying.
I hate seeing people in no relationship or shitty ones knowing that I had something they all wanted...a great loving committed blessed relationship.
I guess that is the power of someone's fears and doubts just like how mines are playing on my mind.
I have to be great...I need to be great. There are things I want to do, see, and become that require me to become more than what I am right now. I have no option...either become great and the world is my oyster; or I become a working drone just going through life...leaving my future and career in someone elses' hands.
Here are the things that I must get a handle on...to not only be successful, but to be fulfilled.
They are:
Career and Finances are being worked on as well...this is the most stressful, and relationship stuff but that is neither here nor there. I am getting them worked out.
So guys pray for me...I have a lot going on and I am going to need help and a great support system. I need to make some headway...I mean I am getting stuff done, but I feel like it is not enough.
GUYS PRAY FOR ME!!!111
I went test driving some cars and it was a fun time...cannot wait till get to the next level. :-)
Time for a nap and then back to work.
J-Bo
I mean what I say...
I am so tired of feeling like I am barely making it and just getting by.
I know that the bigger your dreams the more faith you need, and the more pain and discomfort you have to be willing to endure to get it, but come on. I am feeling like I am being attacked.
I want to be 110% honest with you guys...I AM SCARED!!!!!
There is so much fear and doubt running through my head that sometimes it is hard to hear and think clearly. Every time I take a step I get met with problems...I know that it is a test because only those who want greatness and can go for it fully can withstand all of this.
I promise that I am trying my very best to make all of this work out for me. I am not giving my all. I know I am not.
I am scared of failing, I am scared of being a success, I am scared of not knowing what will come either way.
I know what to expect if I follow my parents and everyone else's plan for my life. I know I can expect to just do ok, and survive. I want more than to just survive.
I want to prosper and I want to thrive!!!
I am stuck giving 1/2 an effort and it is all me standing in my own way. Unlike other people and their families, mines support me 110% in what it is that I want to do. It is my life to live, but that doesn't make it any less scary.
In fact having all these big dreams and goals is more scary because of what they take to make a reality. I mean wow...
On a side note I talked to Aaron and Dishone and they are spending sometime watching movies together and then going out to dinner and to listen to some music.
To say I am jealous of them is an understatement.
I mean I had more than what they have now, and it was so great. I know God is working things out, but it still hurts and it is still annoying.
I hate seeing people in no relationship or shitty ones knowing that I had something they all wanted...a great loving committed blessed relationship.
I guess that is the power of someone's fears and doubts just like how mines are playing on my mind.
I have to be great...I need to be great. There are things I want to do, see, and become that require me to become more than what I am right now. I have no option...either become great and the world is my oyster; or I become a working drone just going through life...leaving my future and career in someone elses' hands.
Here are the things that I must get a handle on...to not only be successful, but to be fulfilled.
They are:
- Health,
- Relationships,
- Emotions,
- Career,
- Finances,
- and Time
Career and Finances are being worked on as well...this is the most stressful, and relationship stuff but that is neither here nor there. I am getting them worked out.
So guys pray for me...I have a lot going on and I am going to need help and a great support system. I need to make some headway...I mean I am getting stuff done, but I feel like it is not enough.
GUYS PRAY FOR ME!!!111
I went test driving some cars and it was a fun time...cannot wait till get to the next level. :-)
Time for a nap and then back to work.
J-Bo
Sunday, July 15, 2012
It's A Family Affair!!!
Last night was the birthday party for my Uncle.
To say the least it was an awesome time.
Great DJ playing great music of the Islands and America; great food (brought back a lot home); spades and dominoes; and so much fun.
We got there about 10 and didn't leave until 3. It was a lot of fun...I needed this as a break and to recharge myself. Still need something bigger and better, but I am feeling good.
I woke up still tired and a little drained...going to take another nap and then get to work.
Things are looking up. I still have a lot to do, but I am looking forward to it. Gotta put the fear aside. I am really feeling it...I mean I am really considering just being like everyone else.
Can't let that happen though...I am meant for so much more than that, and I won't settle for less.
So on that note it is time that I go and get some rest. I really really need it.
I hope everyone else is having an awesome Sunday. I know so far mine has proven to be pretty mellow and relaxing, and that is what I need right now...mellow and relaxing.
J-Bo
To say the least it was an awesome time.
Great DJ playing great music of the Islands and America; great food (brought back a lot home); spades and dominoes; and so much fun.
We got there about 10 and didn't leave until 3. It was a lot of fun...I needed this as a break and to recharge myself. Still need something bigger and better, but I am feeling good.
I woke up still tired and a little drained...going to take another nap and then get to work.
Things are looking up. I still have a lot to do, but I am looking forward to it. Gotta put the fear aside. I am really feeling it...I mean I am really considering just being like everyone else.
Can't let that happen though...I am meant for so much more than that, and I won't settle for less.
So on that note it is time that I go and get some rest. I really really need it.
I hope everyone else is having an awesome Sunday. I know so far mine has proven to be pretty mellow and relaxing, and that is what I need right now...mellow and relaxing.
J-Bo
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Dizzy
Had a great talk with one of my best friends Nora.
She was asking me advice, and in the mean time while helping her she was helping me. It is so funny how things like this happen. :-)
She talked about how her job is going great, but she wants to be out of the city (only because she is living home and wants to be on her own). I told her a lot of people are moving right outside the city and making it work...even upstate and New Jersey.
She has a man that loves her, but isn't stepping up to the plate on somethings she feels is necessary. She is being a little extreme and I am helping her to see that.
She is also a lil mad that he hasn't formally proposed already...she said they are basically married already, but she wants a real engagement ring and a real proposal.
While talking to her it makes me think of Van. I told her that even though her man might not be everything she thought she should have, and everything that she shouldn't jump to conclusions.
She had an idea from how she was raised and her life so far of the kind of man she would marry and be with.
I was thinking about Van...how on paper I knew he was the worst person to be with. I mean he comes from a controlling family that wanted to direct his life moves, and didn't want him to do what he wanted when he wanted.
He came from a religious family that was very conservative, yet only the old ones really. He comes from a place where he was taught how and what to think.
I mean I know that these are some of the ingredients for a man that unless he makes the decision is going to be stuck only going so far.
But something happened...I was hooked. Some how and some way he got through my defenses and I fell in love with him.
What is even more funny was that he fell in love with me.
I just look and think of all the people out there in these relationships and having horrible times. Some of them are treated horribly, some like they are nothing, etc.
I am sitting her smiling at my time with Van. I mean we have had some serious ups and downs...but in the grand scheme of things we haven't had any real bad times, but only great times.
I know now that I am so serious in that I will always be in love with Van. He will always hold a special place in my heart...no man or woman can ever come and take his place.
Just finished talking to Dishone and Aaron. Both of them are making me so proud...I remember when they came to me telling me they looked up to and loved my relationship with Van. Even Steve said that and he doesn't respect any relationships really.
I had something blessed and good...
Now I am focused on getting my business together, and making some serious moves. I have till September to move out of my house and not move with my parents. That means I have to hustle my behind off...but I am looking forward to it.
So I am off to my uncle's birthday party...going to party with the Bajan side of the family today. Even though my uncle is the only Yankee in the family. He knows how to party hard!!!! :-)
Off I go...long drive ahead of me. I wish everyone a great Saturday, and I will update tomorrow on everything.
J-Bo
She was asking me advice, and in the mean time while helping her she was helping me. It is so funny how things like this happen. :-)
She talked about how her job is going great, but she wants to be out of the city (only because she is living home and wants to be on her own). I told her a lot of people are moving right outside the city and making it work...even upstate and New Jersey.
She has a man that loves her, but isn't stepping up to the plate on somethings she feels is necessary. She is being a little extreme and I am helping her to see that.
She is also a lil mad that he hasn't formally proposed already...she said they are basically married already, but she wants a real engagement ring and a real proposal.
While talking to her it makes me think of Van. I told her that even though her man might not be everything she thought she should have, and everything that she shouldn't jump to conclusions.
She had an idea from how she was raised and her life so far of the kind of man she would marry and be with.
I was thinking about Van...how on paper I knew he was the worst person to be with. I mean he comes from a controlling family that wanted to direct his life moves, and didn't want him to do what he wanted when he wanted.
He came from a religious family that was very conservative, yet only the old ones really. He comes from a place where he was taught how and what to think.
I mean I know that these are some of the ingredients for a man that unless he makes the decision is going to be stuck only going so far.
But something happened...I was hooked. Some how and some way he got through my defenses and I fell in love with him.
What is even more funny was that he fell in love with me.
I just look and think of all the people out there in these relationships and having horrible times. Some of them are treated horribly, some like they are nothing, etc.
I am sitting her smiling at my time with Van. I mean we have had some serious ups and downs...but in the grand scheme of things we haven't had any real bad times, but only great times.
I know now that I am so serious in that I will always be in love with Van. He will always hold a special place in my heart...no man or woman can ever come and take his place.
Just finished talking to Dishone and Aaron. Both of them are making me so proud...I remember when they came to me telling me they looked up to and loved my relationship with Van. Even Steve said that and he doesn't respect any relationships really.
I had something blessed and good...
Now I am focused on getting my business together, and making some serious moves. I have till September to move out of my house and not move with my parents. That means I have to hustle my behind off...but I am looking forward to it.
So I am off to my uncle's birthday party...going to party with the Bajan side of the family today. Even though my uncle is the only Yankee in the family. He knows how to party hard!!!! :-)
Off I go...long drive ahead of me. I wish everyone a great Saturday, and I will update tomorrow on everything.
J-Bo
Friday, July 13, 2012
For Better or For Worse
Had the best of times talking with some of my friends. Just about life, dreams, goals, love, and success.
Some of the horror stories they told me have been something serious and some of them have been breath taking. I cannot wait...some of these deals seem to be coming through...I have more things to do on my end, but i am working hard.
I am tired of just living my life...I am in this to design my life. To design the life of my dreams.
God has been to good in my life...and that is only now.
I cannot wait until I get to the next level in my life. I am helping, serving, and touching so many people now. I can only imagine how many people I can help in the future.
Being with my friends has shown me that I have the skills and heart to do this. I have been helping people of all ages. I need to make sure that I put myself first and then do more. I feel like I am losing myself a little.
I do give so much of me. No complaints, but it is what it is. Vacation here I come.
My father walks in with an iPad...of course I make fun of him. He ask me about skype and oovoo...I give him the details on it.
Next thing he does is put it under a cushion saying he doesn't want people to hear and see him...SMH!!! My father is a hot mess.
Always good for a laugh.
Still looking to buy a house upstate that should be done sometime in September...hopefully.
Parents going on a cruise and vacation within the next 2 months.
And my mother having surgery...that makes me very nervous, but I am holding it together. :-/
That is all for now...I have work to do, but I am so tired. I am mentally and emotionally drained. I need a break...so maybe a nap. :-)
Until next time.
J-Bo
Some of the horror stories they told me have been something serious and some of them have been breath taking. I cannot wait...some of these deals seem to be coming through...I have more things to do on my end, but i am working hard.
I am tired of just living my life...I am in this to design my life. To design the life of my dreams.
God has been to good in my life...and that is only now.
I cannot wait until I get to the next level in my life. I am helping, serving, and touching so many people now. I can only imagine how many people I can help in the future.
Being with my friends has shown me that I have the skills and heart to do this. I have been helping people of all ages. I need to make sure that I put myself first and then do more. I feel like I am losing myself a little.
I do give so much of me. No complaints, but it is what it is. Vacation here I come.
My father walks in with an iPad...of course I make fun of him. He ask me about skype and oovoo...I give him the details on it.
Next thing he does is put it under a cushion saying he doesn't want people to hear and see him...SMH!!! My father is a hot mess.
Always good for a laugh.
Still looking to buy a house upstate that should be done sometime in September...hopefully.
Parents going on a cruise and vacation within the next 2 months.
And my mother having surgery...that makes me very nervous, but I am holding it together. :-/
That is all for now...I have work to do, but I am so tired. I am mentally and emotionally drained. I need a break...so maybe a nap. :-)
Until next time.
J-Bo
Spiderman and Ted
Had a great time with my parents today, and my friend Steve came along to hang out with us. I guess my parents are like the cool parents...I just hate it because they are so old!!!! :-)
Anyway after that I went with my friend Steve to his house, ate some food, met his cousins, and we all went to go see Spiderman and Ted. Of course we paid for only one...woulda seen 3, but it was already 11pm and we were tired.
Also his cousins were visiting from down south and had to get back to their folks.
So today was a good day. Of course during the movie on some parts I thought of Van. And during the drive upstate seeing the foliage and nature I thought about how much Van would love and appreciate the simplicity and beauty of it all.
Oh well...time for bed. Tomorrow is a day to catch up on work I didn't do today, but I needed today. It was a nice break. :-)
Goodnight you guys...
J-Bo
Anyway after that I went with my friend Steve to his house, ate some food, met his cousins, and we all went to go see Spiderman and Ted. Of course we paid for only one...woulda seen 3, but it was already 11pm and we were tired.
Also his cousins were visiting from down south and had to get back to their folks.
So today was a good day. Of course during the movie on some parts I thought of Van. And during the drive upstate seeing the foliage and nature I thought about how much Van would love and appreciate the simplicity and beauty of it all.
Oh well...time for bed. Tomorrow is a day to catch up on work I didn't do today, but I needed today. It was a nice break. :-)
Goodnight you guys...
J-Bo
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Great Opportunity for those looking...
Check this out...should help out a special person looking to make some money and develop a serious skill.
http://www.awaionline.com/2012/06/acquisition-package-challenge/
http://www.awaionline.com/2012/06/acquisition-package-challenge/
Quick Comment
Sorry I have been MIA lately.
I have a lot of things to do, and deadlines are approaching.
Of course I am juggling it all quite well, but the only thing missing is the relationship that I want to be in. I miss the connection with another person.
Of course I am still drawn to Van, but that is neither here nor there. I am moving on...it is just sad that people are out there with all these diseases and spreading them.
I heard another story of someone who had an undetectable viral count, and felt it was cool to have sex without protection. I may just have to be celibate, because this shit is crazy.
I'll give you guys an update as to everything tomorrow.
But for now it is time for bed, and Lord knows I need the sleep!!!!
Gnite...
J-Bo
I have a lot of things to do, and deadlines are approaching.
Of course I am juggling it all quite well, but the only thing missing is the relationship that I want to be in. I miss the connection with another person.
Of course I am still drawn to Van, but that is neither here nor there. I am moving on...it is just sad that people are out there with all these diseases and spreading them.
I heard another story of someone who had an undetectable viral count, and felt it was cool to have sex without protection. I may just have to be celibate, because this shit is crazy.
I'll give you guys an update as to everything tomorrow.
But for now it is time for bed, and Lord knows I need the sleep!!!!
Gnite...
J-Bo
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Church was an awesome time!!!!
From Our Bishop:
Distinguished by Love and Forgiveness
If one is to please the Lord they must be bold enough to distinguish themselves from the crowd. "Come out from among them..." 2 Corinthians 6:17. Failing to do this, you wil just be the crowd. One sure way of distinguishing yourself from the crowd is to love and forgive. Love is what you naturally express when the love of God becomes a reality in your life. You don't have t earn or deserve love. "God demonstrated his love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 To love God is to love people, and to love is to forgive.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into hope for our future. The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine distinguishing yourself by being an indivifual willing both to apologize and to accept apology. Being able to say, "It's my fault," and "I am sorry." Now that is maturity and greatness. So if you want to be free; stand in the Grace of God and have your prayers answered; then forgive! "If you have unforgiveness in your heart, the Lord will not hear your prayers." Psalms 66:18.
Forgiven to Forgive,
----------------------------------------------------
The main sermon today was all about the need to change and grow. That you cannot cling to the past, and you must move forward to get your blessing.
That it is essential to be honest and walk with Jesus in your life for who you are. No excuses...be your own person and walk strong and tall in that.
Today was an awesome day. Now I am hanging with my friends Steve and Aaron and we are just having a good time. These guys are wearing me out...so funny!!!!
Hope everyone is having a good day.
I really miss knowing what is going on in Van's day to day life. I care about him, and miss talking to him and hearing what is going on. Nothing I can do about that...
J-Bo
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Living Proof
So I went to the library today to get some work done, and there were these two elderly ladies trying to get in. I helped them of course, and I started a conversation.
I only meant for it to last a few minutes, but then they really got in. It wasn't long before they told me they have been around to since the millennium.
I has to sit down and think about what that meant. These two women were both born in the year 1900. One lady was born a slave and another was in the next plantation as a slave owner...I should say she was born to be a slave owner.
They told me about the Great Depression, and WWI and WWII. They told me about the Vietnam War, Korean War, and every other war that was happening. They told me about the Iron Curtain falling down, communism falling, countries claiming their independence, and scientific, medical, and social improvements.
They told me about the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Jazz, Rock, Pop, and more. They told me how church has evolved, but is still behind the times. They told me about the corruption in the world, but also the beauty and majesty of the world.
They told me of miracles...
They told me of the children they have had, and great-great-great-great grandchildren they have seen and watched grow up.
They told me about slavery and what it was like back then. That the movies only touch on it so much. They tell me of Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and more great leaders. They tell me John F. Kennedy.
They tell me how they fought slavery, they fought against segregation, Jim Crow, and for women's rights. They tell me about the times they have been arrested and how their lives were put in danger.
They spoke on how they met, and how a bond was formed that would never die.
They spoke of the love they shared over the years, and the privileges they have experienced. The white sage (decided to call them sages because of the knowledge and stories they were giving me) told me of her time on the titanic.
The black sage told me of her time being raped by her slave master and the sons of her slave masters. The white sage told me of how she was treated like property herself just in different ways.
These women have been through so much, but they have told me that they wouldn't change it for the world. They have traveled the world together, supported each other, helped people, and done amazing things.
They couldn't stop talking about how happy and proud they are that there is a black president.
They said every new area they ever journeyed to was a chance to shape their soul...that the key to life even at 112 years old is to never stop growing and never stop changing. If they had they wouldn't have made it out of their teen years.
They then asked me my story, and it was so much easier and faster to tell them. I mean I am only 26...compared to them I haven't even lived yet.
I was totally honest about everything. I thought they would have something to say especially about my sexuality and they did. They were supportive and told me they have seen it all. They lived in times when it was just a way of life, to people attacking it, to everything else.
They both told me that one thing they have learned is that God can and will do all things. They said that no matter what it is that I am feeling or concerened about it, that it will get better.
They said that they have seen and heard it all. Everything that we take advantage of now was once seen as extreme, wrong, ungodly, and all other words. Their words of advice to me is to never say never and always be changing and growing.
Never accept the status quo...because it is always changing.
All this talk really inspired me. I also feel that I have to let Van know how I feel. I am not sure if I will tell him everything, but I will share it with you guys, and also send him a message that is a more scaled down version.
Look forward to me coming out and just letting it all hang out on the next post, and hopefully I can give you more great news on the business front.
TTYL...stay cool and dry!!!
J-Bo
I only meant for it to last a few minutes, but then they really got in. It wasn't long before they told me they have been around to since the millennium.
I has to sit down and think about what that meant. These two women were both born in the year 1900. One lady was born a slave and another was in the next plantation as a slave owner...I should say she was born to be a slave owner.
They told me about the Great Depression, and WWI and WWII. They told me about the Vietnam War, Korean War, and every other war that was happening. They told me about the Iron Curtain falling down, communism falling, countries claiming their independence, and scientific, medical, and social improvements.
They told me about the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Jazz, Rock, Pop, and more. They told me how church has evolved, but is still behind the times. They told me about the corruption in the world, but also the beauty and majesty of the world.
They told me of miracles...
They told me of the children they have had, and great-great-great-great grandchildren they have seen and watched grow up.
They told me about slavery and what it was like back then. That the movies only touch on it so much. They tell me of Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and more great leaders. They tell me John F. Kennedy.
They tell me how they fought slavery, they fought against segregation, Jim Crow, and for women's rights. They tell me about the times they have been arrested and how their lives were put in danger.
They spoke on how they met, and how a bond was formed that would never die.
They spoke of the love they shared over the years, and the privileges they have experienced. The white sage (decided to call them sages because of the knowledge and stories they were giving me) told me of her time on the titanic.
The black sage told me of her time being raped by her slave master and the sons of her slave masters. The white sage told me of how she was treated like property herself just in different ways.
These women have been through so much, but they have told me that they wouldn't change it for the world. They have traveled the world together, supported each other, helped people, and done amazing things.
They couldn't stop talking about how happy and proud they are that there is a black president.
They said every new area they ever journeyed to was a chance to shape their soul...that the key to life even at 112 years old is to never stop growing and never stop changing. If they had they wouldn't have made it out of their teen years.
They then asked me my story, and it was so much easier and faster to tell them. I mean I am only 26...compared to them I haven't even lived yet.
I was totally honest about everything. I thought they would have something to say especially about my sexuality and they did. They were supportive and told me they have seen it all. They lived in times when it was just a way of life, to people attacking it, to everything else.
They both told me that one thing they have learned is that God can and will do all things. They said that no matter what it is that I am feeling or concerened about it, that it will get better.
They said that they have seen and heard it all. Everything that we take advantage of now was once seen as extreme, wrong, ungodly, and all other words. Their words of advice to me is to never say never and always be changing and growing.
Never accept the status quo...because it is always changing.
All this talk really inspired me. I also feel that I have to let Van know how I feel. I am not sure if I will tell him everything, but I will share it with you guys, and also send him a message that is a more scaled down version.
Look forward to me coming out and just letting it all hang out on the next post, and hopefully I can give you more great news on the business front.
TTYL...stay cool and dry!!!
J-Bo
Friday, July 6, 2012
Listen to this...these lyrics are something else
I want to share this with you guys...the lyrics are really touching my heart.
Time to go for a walk...need to clear my head and keep myself from calling this man. I have to remind myself he doesn't think about me. That I am the only one thinking of him and feeling anything...
But this song is expressing things I want to say, but can't.
I miss not knowing what is going on in his day...I wish there was someway for me to know. I guess that is just life. I think of him, but he thinks of the next one. Why did we both fall in love so hard?!?!?!
I know that our relationship was great and blessed in the eyes of the Lord. It just sucks to be dealing with this old school thinking...
God so owes me for this...he sends me someone like him and the one thing in our way is something people are conquering all over the world. Oh well...
Both are the same song different versions. The first is the original, and the second is glee where I first heard it.
J-Bo
Time to go for a walk...need to clear my head and keep myself from calling this man. I have to remind myself he doesn't think about me. That I am the only one thinking of him and feeling anything...
But this song is expressing things I want to say, but can't.
I miss not knowing what is going on in his day...I wish there was someway for me to know. I guess that is just life. I think of him, but he thinks of the next one. Why did we both fall in love so hard?!?!?!
I know that our relationship was great and blessed in the eyes of the Lord. It just sucks to be dealing with this old school thinking...
God so owes me for this...he sends me someone like him and the one thing in our way is something people are conquering all over the world. Oh well...
Both are the same song different versions. The first is the original, and the second is glee where I first heard it.
J-Bo
Thursday, July 5, 2012
The Purpose of Life...well mine at least.
I want to start and end off with these quotes:
So I have had some time to think about what is my purpose and what it is that I want my life to be? What do I want to leave behind?
Before I begin and get to the meat and potatoes of my post I want to say how nice it is to spend time with Aaron and Dishone. All is missing is Steve and then all will be well after that. Well work has to be done, but that is the easy part. Nothing is unacheivable as long as it is follows certain rules.
Anything can be acheived and anything has. As long as you are not trying to do the impossible like become black if you are white, or look East for a Sunset, or try to become gay if straight. Somethings are as they are and that is it.
Another example is that the Earth is not flat, and that the Earth is not the center of the universe.
But it is so nice to be here with them, and then they bring up Van wanting him to get past this and just come into himself. They say they miss him, and want him to be real. If he has to put on a face for certain people fine, but they want that he be himself and put down his guard and just let him flow around those he feels safe around...us.
I cannot lie being here with Dishone and Aaron has me missing Van real bad. I mean just to have him lay on my chest again, and to have me touch him and he push my hands away calling me nasty. Then he would turn around and go to the next step right away. Also with Aaron and Dishone being here he's feel the need to put on a lil show.
I mean just hearing them go back and forth and just have fun with each other. I really do miss him. I already know that no one can compare to him. He has to get past this and until he does nothing I can do. I could help him get past this now rather than later...oh well.
I cannot force the help and force his eyes and mind to be open. Only God can do that.
Enough about matters of the heart...or at least in this capacity. Now it is time to talk about other things.
What it is that I feel my purpose is and how I came to that answer. It is really cool.
We all want to do and accomplish things not so much for the thing or goal to be accomplished, but for the feelings that they will give us. For example you want to be rich not for the money, but because it will make you feel powerful, safe, free, etc.
The first thing to do is with your eyes closed, remember when you were 5, 6, 7, or any age old. What did you want to be when you grew up? Why did you want to be that? What feeling did you hope it would give you?
For me here is a list of some of the things I can remember that I wanted to be growing up:
--adventure, excitement, pride, connection, and significance, justice, hope, peace, the right to defend myself and others, love, passion, contribution, growth, intimacy, kind, hopeful, optimistic, respect, honor, being in love.
I thought of sometimes that I was on a roll, where things flowed effortlessly. Where I felt the emotions and feelings that I notated above.
So after someone does what I did above the next step is to take these steps.
Your purpose statement must:
Sorry for being so long...I will try not to be so long winded, but I wanted to get this out and give you guys the tools to do the same.
J-Bo
"Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it! I say, Whatever you want to do, do it now. Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows."
-Michael Landon
"Some people do nothing more than to move the dirt used to cover their bodies."
-Unknown
So I have had some time to think about what is my purpose and what it is that I want my life to be? What do I want to leave behind?
Before I begin and get to the meat and potatoes of my post I want to say how nice it is to spend time with Aaron and Dishone. All is missing is Steve and then all will be well after that. Well work has to be done, but that is the easy part. Nothing is unacheivable as long as it is follows certain rules.
Anything can be acheived and anything has. As long as you are not trying to do the impossible like become black if you are white, or look East for a Sunset, or try to become gay if straight. Somethings are as they are and that is it.
Another example is that the Earth is not flat, and that the Earth is not the center of the universe.
But it is so nice to be here with them, and then they bring up Van wanting him to get past this and just come into himself. They say they miss him, and want him to be real. If he has to put on a face for certain people fine, but they want that he be himself and put down his guard and just let him flow around those he feels safe around...us.
I cannot lie being here with Dishone and Aaron has me missing Van real bad. I mean just to have him lay on my chest again, and to have me touch him and he push my hands away calling me nasty. Then he would turn around and go to the next step right away. Also with Aaron and Dishone being here he's feel the need to put on a lil show.
I mean just hearing them go back and forth and just have fun with each other. I really do miss him. I already know that no one can compare to him. He has to get past this and until he does nothing I can do. I could help him get past this now rather than later...oh well.
I cannot force the help and force his eyes and mind to be open. Only God can do that.
Enough about matters of the heart...or at least in this capacity. Now it is time to talk about other things.
What it is that I feel my purpose is and how I came to that answer. It is really cool.
We all want to do and accomplish things not so much for the thing or goal to be accomplished, but for the feelings that they will give us. For example you want to be rich not for the money, but because it will make you feel powerful, safe, free, etc.
The first thing to do is with your eyes closed, remember when you were 5, 6, 7, or any age old. What did you want to be when you grew up? Why did you want to be that? What feeling did you hope it would give you?
For me here is a list of some of the things I can remember that I wanted to be growing up:
- Archeologist
- Cop/Military Man
- Doctor
- Singer
- Rich/Wealthy
- Business Owner
- Zoologist/veternarian
- Dancer
- Actor
- Astronaut
- Priest/Pastor/Preacher
- Superhero
- Wizard
- President of the USA
- I wanted to travel the world and explore new things, and share them with people. I wanted to be the person who was known for finding and sharing rare beauties with the world.
- I wanted to help those who couldn't help themselves. I wanted to be symbol of strength and justice. When people felt like they had nowhere and no one to turn to I could and would be there.
- I wanted to heal people. I wanted to take something broke and be one of the many instruments to fix it. I wanted to be a healer both proactive and reactive. Someone that heals mind, body, heart, and spirit.
- I wanted to use my voice and my art to reach people. To be on stage or CDs and just give to people. To let my music and melodies touch the hearts and minds of people...to give a voice to what people are feeling and thinking.
- I wanted to be rich/wealthy to do what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, when I want, with whomever I want...plain and simple. :-)
- Look at the one above please.
- I wanted to be a zoologist because I loved the majesty and difference that came from the animal kingdom. Every creature is unique, special, different, and they are right. I wanted to be in charge of making sure that each different and special animal was taken care of and appropriately represented.
- Same as Singer, but with dance
- Same as Dancer, but with Actor
- Same as archeologist
- I wanted to be a healer of men's souls and destinies. To be someone that had a deep personal relationship with Jesus and was able to share that with people. To help people find out who God is for them, and live their own lives in conjunction with Jesus. To really develop and share the characters of Christ.
- Are you serious...why do you think?!?!?!
- Look above please. :-)
- I wanted to affect this great nation and the world in moving forward and stopping as much injustice and harm as possible.
--adventure, excitement, pride, connection, and significance, justice, hope, peace, the right to defend myself and others, love, passion, contribution, growth, intimacy, kind, hopeful, optimistic, respect, honor, being in love.
I thought of sometimes that I was on a roll, where things flowed effortlessly. Where I felt the emotions and feelings that I notated above.
So after someone does what I did above the next step is to take these steps.
- With your eyes closed think about a time when you were really on a roll, where things flowed effortlessly. What were you doing, feeling, experiencing?
- Think of another time you were on a roll, where you felt, "This is what life's about." What was happening? What were you doing, how were you feeling? were other people involved? How were you being and what were you doing? Capture not only the idea, but the feeling as well.
- Think of a third time when you felt incredible. Notice what you were doing, creating, sharing, feeling.
Your purpose statement must:
- Be stated in the positive
- be brief
- include "emotionally charged" words
- Tell how you're going to be, what you're going to do
- Include yourself and others
- Be achievable in your lifetime
- Be able to be experienced every day
- Make you happy...really very happy!!!
Sorry for being so long...I will try not to be so long winded, but I wanted to get this out and give you guys the tools to do the same.
J-Bo
"Somebody should tell
us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might
live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it! I say, Whatever
you want to do, do it now. Whatever you want to do, do it now. There
are only so many tomorrows."
-Michael Landon
"Some people do nothing more than to move the dirt used to cover their bodies."
-Unknown
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Huge Disappointment
So my parents come home and first my father looks at me like I am a huge mistake.
He is watching everything I do...and I am standing my ground. If he is looking for a fight he will get one. I won't be disrespected.
I don't know what happened where they were or maybe the sight of me makes him sick now. I am holding back that lump in my throat at this point. It is hard sometimes, but I have to keep moving.
I was helping them groceries into the house and my father bitched about how I brought them in. That I wasn't doing them to his standards. All I can say is...WOW!!! Are you really going to come at me because I am not moving them to your liking...though I am moving them. Smh.
Then I am helping my mother put the groceries away, and we are doing it in silence. So far things are looking up. Then when we are done, she starts to put away the food I cooked. She asked me why I didn't use the mushrooms...I told her that it was slimy and didn't think it was good. She yelled at me for that.
She asked why I didn't add oil to the pasta to keep it from sticking...she didn't like my answer for that. Then her and my father started up again and it was pick on me time once again.
So now I am getting looks like I am some dirty filthy street rat. This is bringing back memories of them calling me a disappointment and a waste of space. I am not feeling as good as I was earlier, but I am going to bounce back quick fast and in a hurry.
Oh well...I am glad I got that off my chest.
I know I am owing you guys a post, but I have been busy. I will get it to you asap. Time to go for a walk and hopefully when I come back they are sleep and I won't be a target anymore.
I so have to leave and do my own thing. I am worried and scared, but nothing ventured nothing gained. I have to be the greatest. I have to work hard now..real hard.
J-Bo
He is watching everything I do...and I am standing my ground. If he is looking for a fight he will get one. I won't be disrespected.
I don't know what happened where they were or maybe the sight of me makes him sick now. I am holding back that lump in my throat at this point. It is hard sometimes, but I have to keep moving.
I was helping them groceries into the house and my father bitched about how I brought them in. That I wasn't doing them to his standards. All I can say is...WOW!!! Are you really going to come at me because I am not moving them to your liking...though I am moving them. Smh.
Then I am helping my mother put the groceries away, and we are doing it in silence. So far things are looking up. Then when we are done, she starts to put away the food I cooked. She asked me why I didn't use the mushrooms...I told her that it was slimy and didn't think it was good. She yelled at me for that.
She asked why I didn't add oil to the pasta to keep it from sticking...she didn't like my answer for that. Then her and my father started up again and it was pick on me time once again.
So now I am getting looks like I am some dirty filthy street rat. This is bringing back memories of them calling me a disappointment and a waste of space. I am not feeling as good as I was earlier, but I am going to bounce back quick fast and in a hurry.
Oh well...I am glad I got that off my chest.
I know I am owing you guys a post, but I have been busy. I will get it to you asap. Time to go for a walk and hopefully when I come back they are sleep and I won't be a target anymore.
I so have to leave and do my own thing. I am worried and scared, but nothing ventured nothing gained. I have to be the greatest. I have to work hard now..real hard.
J-Bo
Frank Ocean is Bisexual/Gay
So people are just coming out in droves. I mean I love it...times are changing. It reminds me of all the other world issues.
These are the times that I would want my nieces, nephew, and cousins to grow up in...and soon ultimately my own children.
I am seeing all these people come out and claim themselves, and I know there are so many others that are in the same boat in all different walks of life. Some are out and proud like Aaron and Dishone, and others are out, but keeping it a secret from family like Van and Dishone.
No one is wrong you have to be smart nowadays. I just want to thank God for this new enlightenment, and the amount of solidarity it is bringing to the world. I mean there will still be haters...I mean there are people still for women being beneath men and not working, people still for slavery, apartheid, and more.
But we have to make a stand.
So here is the Frank Ocean story...Before I begin I want to thank everyone for reading, and also Happy 4th of July.
I have nothing really planned for today, and I would love to spend it with...oh well. No reason to mention who...not important. :-)
I love you guys and thanks for allowing me to share and unload the contents on my heart and mind.
BTW Frank Ocean has been getting support all over the industry and world. I admire him because it takes someone strong in character, heart, and spirit to come out, but it is essential. You cannot live fully if you are always afraid.
These are the times that I would want my nieces, nephew, and cousins to grow up in...and soon ultimately my own children.
I am seeing all these people come out and claim themselves, and I know there are so many others that are in the same boat in all different walks of life. Some are out and proud like Aaron and Dishone, and others are out, but keeping it a secret from family like Van and Dishone.
No one is wrong you have to be smart nowadays. I just want to thank God for this new enlightenment, and the amount of solidarity it is bringing to the world. I mean there will still be haters...I mean there are people still for women being beneath men and not working, people still for slavery, apartheid, and more.
But we have to make a stand.
So here is the Frank Ocean story...Before I begin I want to thank everyone for reading, and also Happy 4th of July.
I have nothing really planned for today, and I would love to spend it with...oh well. No reason to mention who...not important. :-)
I love you guys and thanks for allowing me to share and unload the contents on my heart and mind.
BTW Frank Ocean has been getting support all over the industry and world. I admire him because it takes someone strong in character, heart, and spirit to come out, but it is essential. You cannot live fully if you are always afraid.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)