DAMN COUPLES!!!!!! :-)

I just came from hanging with 5 couples...why???? Because they offered to pay for dinner and said they missed me, so I said why not.

I went out and it was like Van and I being in the village. There was an interracial couple, a gay couple, 2 straight couples, and 1 lesbian couple.

We had a good time, and of course it made me miss Van so much.

I hope you guys don't mind me unloading but I really miss him. His laugh, his complaining, the good, bad, and the ugly.

I mean he is becoming such an awesome man, and we were doing so well. God why is he so in me?!?!?!?!?!?!

I really want to see him and spend time with him...like maybe going to the village at night on July 4th.

OMG!!! I wanna fight with him, make up with him, and more. I really do love him so much, and I really know he loves me too. I just wish he could get past this whole part in his life. I am so jealous of Aaron and Dishone...and all the couples today.

I am going to be venting to you guys on the regular. I know that Van holds a really big and special place in my heart, and I believe God ordained it so. But nothing I can do about that, because Van is responding from fear, rather than gratitude and hope.

I just have to get it all out.

Sucks to think that the next person will be special, but Van will forever be that threat. God why match me with someone that runs so much and is so full of fear. I mean talk about an interesting Christian...I will never forget him telling me that he doesn't have great examples of a great Christian character...why not just change and take charge of your life!!!!!

I want to wish him well on his MCATs, but not sure how. Going to have to get the kids to do it for me, so he doesn't know it is me.

It really sucks...I will be coming into so much money soon, and all I want to do is spend it on us. I want to spend money traveling, and being a partner.

It is nice...being here with them. I mean some of them got together threw some serious odds. God is good, and there is a lot of work that needs to be done. :-)

Everything is coming together. Maybe I need him to tell me he hates me and never wants to see me again. Maybe I need him to tell me that he would rather see me dead then see me ever again. That he wishes I was never born...that would make it easier to not be with him.

J-Bo

P.S. Van is working hard on the MCATs so please everyone pray for him. Grace and Mercy people!!!! He needs to study, even though he is claiming he needs to study around the clock...hopefully it works. Don't want him to burn himself out.