Lord, I Want You To Help Me

So I want to start off today with saying I am so sick and tired of feeling mediocre and like I am just doing the bare minimum.

I mean what I say...

I am so tired of feeling like I am barely making it and just getting by.

I know that the bigger your dreams the more faith you need, and the more pain and discomfort you have to be willing to endure to get it, but come on. I am feeling like I am being attacked.

I want to be 110% honest with you guys...I AM SCARED!!!!!

There is so much fear and doubt running through my head that sometimes it is hard to hear and think clearly. Every time I take a step I get met with problems...I know that it is a test because only those who want greatness and can go for it fully can withstand all of this.

I promise that I am trying my very best to make all of this work out for me. I am not giving my all. I know I am not.

I am scared of failing, I am scared of being a success, I am scared of not knowing what will come either way.

I know what to expect if I follow my parents and everyone else's plan for my life. I know I can expect to just do ok, and survive. I want more than to just survive.

I want to prosper and I want to thrive!!!

I am stuck giving 1/2 an effort and it is all me standing in my own way. Unlike other people and their families, mines support me 110% in what it is that I want to do. It is my life to live, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

In fact having all these big dreams and goals is more scary because of what they take to make a reality. I mean wow...

On a side note I talked to Aaron and Dishone and they are spending sometime watching movies together and then going out to dinner and to listen to some music.

To say I am jealous of them is an understatement.

I mean I had more than what they have now, and it was so great. I know God is working things out, but it still hurts and it is still annoying.

I hate seeing people in no relationship or shitty ones knowing that I had something they all wanted...a great loving committed blessed relationship.

I guess that is the power of someone's fears and doubts just like how mines are playing on my mind.

I have to be great...I need to be great. There are things I want to do, see, and become that require me to become more than what I am right now. I have no option...either become great and the world is my oyster; or I become a working drone just going through life...leaving my future and career in someone elses' hands.

Here are the things that I must get a handle on...to not only be successful, but to be fulfilled.

They are:

• Health,
• Relationships,
• Emotions,
• Career,
• Finances,
• and Time

I am taking care of them, and some were fine, but still need work. I am always working on my health and emotions. The time part takes care of itself. And I had a great relationship, but let's not talk about that. -_- LOL!!!

Career and Finances are being worked on as well...this is the most stressful, and relationship stuff but that is neither here nor there. I am getting them worked out.

 So guys pray for me...I have a lot going on and I am going to need help and a great support system. I need to make some headway...I mean I am getting stuff done, but I feel like it is not enough.

GUYS PRAY FOR ME!!!111

I went test driving some cars and it was a fun time...cannot wait till get to the next level. :-)

Time for a nap and then back to work.

J-Bo