So this past week has been very interesting...and not all of it has been good, but I know that is part of life.
First the east coast got hit hard by Sandi, and so many people got affected, but thank God that we were safe. As far as I know all of my family is safe and ok, just some better off than others, but nothing to even concern ourselves about.
The health concerns are nothing that big, and they are yet to be discovered. Just gotta take better care of myself which I am doing...just have to be more active in it, but things are looking up. Just waiting for my blood results to come in, and then I can see where I am starting from.
Also Van went to a church service, avoided my phone calls, and then hit me up on FB telling me that we can't even be friends!!! Smh...
To be honest I don't know how to feel...I mean he does this all the time. But it still hurt...and it hurt a lot.
But I am in a better place than I was. I mean I was so heartbroken that I went from feeling really healthy and strong to waking up with a really bad and horrible head cold. I mean it was bad enough to knock me on my ass.
Church was good, and a lift to my spirits.
I just don't get it how we aren't doing anything, and not even planning on doing anything. I mean I was happy with being friends...not really, but I was going to accept it. I was even going to start dating again so that it would be more easy to see that we are just friends.
With everything that happened this week this is the biggest thing. But it is what it is I guess.
He also went ahead and unfriended me on FB, so that was like wow. I thought he might do it, but never thought he would. So I blocked him...
I know it was like you do this so I do that, but still. I did it. I hate that I did it, cause it is against my character, and I know Jesus is not a man who acted like that. But I am tired of being the better man and holding myself to higher standards.
In any case he has totally cut me from his life, and though it hurts I understand. This has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him, and what is going on in his head and in his heart. I am in the clear so it makes no sense for me to hold onto guilt. I don't deserve it, and I am in the right.
I know what some might be thinking...I am not going to hide from him and I am not going to throw him away. If he needs me for anything or needs to get incontact with me, there are many ways he can do it. We have many mutual friends, more than I ever realized.
I know this isn't the way things should be, but it is out of my hands. If he wants to get incontact with me, then he can. I know his bday is coming up, so I already got some of my friends to tell him, and wish him the best.
Kinda feels good knowing that I did everything I could even to the point of settling to be just friends, but in the end not me. Always called him crazy. :-)
So now I am off to bed, cause tomorrow is a brand new day.
J-Bo
P.S. I am not officially a member of my church. Feels like I have always been a member cause I have always considered myself a member. But still I guess now it is what it is...feeling good.
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