My Confession:

First I want to start buy saying I had a really great day today.

I spent it with some really special fun people. We talked, we sang, and we just were there for each other.

I of course am exhausted...just so you guys know what I gave here is what I am drained in: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained.

I gave a lot to myself, and I have to give more over to me...So I have to replenish...nothing special or big. Just part of the process.

So I want to tell you guys something that many people don't know. I was sexually targeted when I was younger and use that as an excuse for why I was so slutty growing up, and why I was with men and women from such a young age.

The truth is that before I was ever sexually "targeted" I was doing stuff with boys my age. I was attracted to the same sex. I knew I was interested in things that all the other boys weren't.

That is nothing new and many of you already know that I consider myself to bisexual, but to be honest I force myself to be sexual with women.

Don't get me wrong I enjoy the sex, but it is more forced on my part. I make myself get into it. When I watch porn I watch gay porn and only watched straight porn with friends. When I would look at straight porn I was focused more on the man and if I did look at the women it was just to keep up appearances.

Not to say that I wasn't interested and liked any of the women I was with and seeing, but I knew that being with a man just clicked...I mean after I got pass my guilt it was easy.

I am not sure why I am getting this off my chest. I mean the title of my blog does say gay, but I am finding out what that means for me. I still find myself looking at women every once and while, but Van was right.

I don't want vagina...I want dick and balls, and when he was around I only wanted his...still do.

I am getting this out to officially say that I guess I am one of those gay men that will and can sleep with women for variety, but the truth of the matter is that I want a man in my life. I have no hang ups on that...I am supported by my faith and my God so nothing else matters.

Saying all of this lifts a huge weight off my chest...I am going now to go dream with God, and get ready for tomorrow.

Some people have been asking me if I hate Van or not?? I will answer that honestly and truthfully in another post, and attach what I wish I could say to him.

J-Bo

P.S. Here is a quote that I want to share with all of you that really hits home. I don't think I have shared this one yet, so here it goes.

"I was born gay, but you were taught religion."