Something about all this Nature...

I just woke up not to long ago, and I am looking outside and I see deer outside again. They come around every once and awhile. Every time I look around and I see all this great wonderful nature I think of Van.

I think of how much he would love and appreciate this.

I know it is stupid to think of things like that since he doesn't think about me anymore, and I am a ghost in his life, but I miss him so much some times. A good amount of times. :-)

I think I know why old people are always telling young people to not get involved with anyone until they get married, because when you build those bonds and ties they are something else.

Sucks that things are the way they are.

I wonder how things are going with medical school, and how his family is doing, and I wonder what he would tell me about the opera he went to see. I can already hear the words he would use...magical, beautiful, splendiferous, and moved him to tears.

I know that I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that. I hate the feeling that I miss him, and he doesn't even think or remember me. But I do miss his smile, his laugh, his complaining. I feel so bad that I didn't honor and respect him like I should've when he was around. I feel like I didn't honor what God gave me when I had the chance...and for that I feel stupid.

Now I also have to be totally honest in other areas as well. I miss that ass, that mouth, those hands, that dick. I miss stroking that ass, and getting stroked. I know I am a hot ass mess. :-P

So let me try to get back to sleep, cause if I don't I feel me going out and doing something real stupid and reckless.

If you got someone in your life, please honor and respect them...you never know when it will all end.

One of the pastors I follow told me that he was happy that his husband has been hanging his towel next to his for the past 35 years. And he prays for 35 more. I want that...I think I had that. I just leave it all in Jesus name.

J-Bo