Confession Time!!!!!

I am having a real hard time today. Well lemme first start by saying that I had an awesome time in church talking to my best friend, my boys, my extended family, and having an overall good time.

I also got a chance to get my little niece for a little while and she so enjoyed her time with me. My parents and myself took her home, and we stayed and played with their new dog, and my mother was scared of it. It was very funny and we had a good laugh.

When it was time to leave my little niece didn't bat an eye at my mom or dad leaving. She just gave them a kiss and said see you later.

But when she saw me getting up, that little girl started to CRY!!!! And I mean real hard tears. She was going really really hard.

Everyone was shocked including me...and I was very touched. I forget sometimes that people love me, and want me to stay around them.

So with all that greatness the thing that I need to confess to is that I almost called Van 3x today.

I mean I was really missing him, and just wanted to hear his voice, and hear him smile. It was crazy!!!

The other thing also that I don't want to tell anyone that I almost got sent to jail today. Before I got to church I went for a walk to just get some air, and stop thinking about him so hard. I saw someone that looked like him. I swear it was him.

And he was making out with some dude. Now don't get me wrong...the dude was hot and made me feel very self conscious about myself, but I was LIVID!!!!

So I walked up to them, and knocked the other guy out. I actually knocked him down, and broke his jaw and nose from what I saw. I turned around and looked at who I thought was Van and obviously it wasn't him. I was mortified.

So I got out of their fast and quick and ran to church. I am happy to say i am not in jail and all is well. :-)

I am going to spend some time asking God to work that out of me. What about that man makes me so crazy. I normally don't care about anyone else like that, and I never really cared, but with him it drives me crazy.

I need to be a rock...A FRENZIED STRONG ROCK OF NOTHING!!!!!!!!

So now I have my phone out and I want to send him a message. I want to call him. I wish I could see what is going on with him on Facebook or any other social media account. I just miss him...especially being out here. In an environment that he would absolutely love.

Don't get me wrong...I miss the sex, but it is more than that. I miss the man.

Anyway thanks for letting me get it all out. I know that this is probably annoying by now, but what can I do. I still love him.

Lemme finish watch these shows, and get myself to bed. I start my morning strong tomorrow. I cannot believe I actually did that to that man. My grandmother always told me to keep my hands to myself cause I am too strong and I don't know my own strength and I could kill someone by accident.

I have to be careful and stop playing games. I am a deadly weapon. :-)

I almost called him just now...I just put my phone down.

I have so much to accomplish...gotta keep up the momentum.

J-Bo