Love Is In The Air

So things are moving, but they are moving so slowly. I feel like I am not gaining as much momentum as I should be. Obviously I am the one to blame for that, but that doesn't mean anything. I gotta stay focused and steadfast.

I miss having a boyfriend...I miss the intimacy...I miss the closeness. I can have the same things now...there is this girl and guy but I don't want them. I have to be honest and say that I my heart is still torn.

I miss my friend...I really do miss just about everything about him. Today a lot of things reminded me of him. Even some of the singers that people wanted to talk to me about reminded me of him. I can barely listen to a gospel song without him popping to mind. :-)

Lol...God is good though. He brought that man into my life and taught me so much. I never knew love until him. I never understood what people meant about God's love manifested through a person, but I understand now.

You just want to get lost in them just like you do in the Lord. It's like getting fed physically, mentally, and spiritually!!! :-D

My friends A & D are living the dream right now. Soon they will either be moving in with each other, or A will be getting his own place and D will just be a constant visitor/guest. I once again find myself jealous of what they have for each other.

 But why should I be jealous...they have about 6 years together...even though I do take some pride in knowing that my 2-1/2 years with Van proved to be more fruitful, further along, and satisfying than theirs. I know it isn't a competition, but me and Van had a real nice flow.

Van has shaped my life in ways that I never thought possible...I thank him for that. He has brought more centeredness and peace into my life. I just cannot believe that we spent so much time trying to change each other into who we thought the other person should be...we quickly stopped that after some trial and error, but still!!! The wasted time.

Oh well...time for bed. Got a long day tomorrow, and I wanna get a real good start on things. I know what I am meant to do...now it is time to do it.

J-Bo

P.S. Even though I don't really feel like it, I think I will start just dating again to get myself used to being out there. I am meant to have children, be a husband, and a father, and a grand father. I can't let that slip by me.

P.P.S. I just looked outside and saw deer grazing in the snow...such a site. Another things that makes me think of God and of Van...this is so him.