So I am confused...

For those who know me know that me being confused is nothing new. I mean people are always telling me I am very smart, and I am very wise and knowledgeable, but I am also very slow. :-)

I guess as Van says I can be autistic at times...but it adds to my quality, charm, and being a savant. :-D

So what I am confused with is Van. I mean we are not together, and we have a pretty casual relationship, but I am so confused.

I mean one minute he tells me he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone, and the next when we are on the phone he sounds like he is annoyed to be on the phone with me. I don't know if it is the wall he is trying to put it up or what??

Makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me...but I do know that there is nothing wrong with me. The only thing that I know I need to work on his my health and fitness goals, and also my fashion sense. I put those two last, but I should change that around, cause it is so worth it.

So knowing that I don't know what the hell is going on. Maybe instead of asking you guys I should just ask him. :-)

I know that he wants me in his life. I know that he wants to build a life with me, and marry me. I know that he is in love with me. You'd think it would be easy fix right...be with the man you love and who loves you back.

But I am not even worried about that, cause I know we have that one thing holding us back so I am content with being friends. I don't like it, and I want more, but I am trusting in God. I mean he brought us together in the first place.

I want to know if he prefers to just talk via fb, or what the hell does he want?!?!?!

But I feel he is going to give me some BS, about something. Oh well...I will deal with that later. I'll tell you what though I am running late for a night out on the town talking to these church folk. I love my job. :-)

Wish me luck to my supporters. And those who don't want to wish me luck...I do this for you as well. :-)

J-Bo

P.S. I remember he told me he doesn't mind having sex with me, and the intimacy and everything else, because we are married every which way it counts. Of course I had to get him to expound cause I was confused. He said we are married in heart, body, mind, and spirit. That our souls are cleaved to one another. God I love that man...he talks in poetry sometimes. :-)

P.P.S. Pray for me guys...I am walking into a lions den and they want me to fall and falter. I WILL NOT FAIL!!!!!!