Order My Steps

I am feeling really guilty and kind of bad.

Let me start from the beginning...

Yesterday I had an awesome time with my friends. We just sang songs, praised God, and fell into a great worship and had a great conversation.

So yesterday was a day I will not soon forget, and it makes my soul very happy to think I was able to be included in that.

So basically it started with a friend coming by to just get out of his house and talk and to spend time with me. We were talking, watching tv, and singing. Then Van contacts me and I tell him what is going on. He tells me that he wants to hear our friend sing.

I say no, and of course he vid calls me so he can hear and see what is going on. Then another friend comes over and we really get going. So it was a time when were just talking and getting real deep and heavy into what we felt about things like marriage and the law as it pertains to Christians.

It was a real good conversation.

Now the thing that I am feeling bad about is that we started talking about opening up our minds and limiting beliefs. I was telling Van about all the health stuff that is going on, and all the money being made keeping people in the dark.

I also brought up the whole homosexuality thing, and I was making good points.

Now I don't feel bad about sharing my experiences, and expertise. What I feel bad about is that I feel like I have a second motive going on. Obviously I still have very strong feelings for Van, and even though I have the proof and support and believe I am right I also feel like I am doing something wrong.

I figured out what it is...that unconsciously even though I know what I am saying is right I push harder on this especially with him because I know that his understanding and accepting of this is what is keeping us apart.

Despite his concern with his image, and his concern with being accepted, that I am pushing because I believe he needs to see and understand this information not only for him, but for me. I am being selfish, and I don't like that.

I have to keep an eye on that.

J-Bo