So today was a pretty laid back day.
I didn't get too much done...I did get a call that a business deal isn't going through because of my age, experience, and also color of my skin. I had to dig the information out of the guy who was giving me the news.
I think my slow and non-existent start today was because I am a little demoralized. I know I need to put in some serious work, but I kinda feel crushed, but I am bouncing back. I called Van hoping he would pick up so that I can tell him what happened, but he didn't so I left him a message.
Then I went to Queens for a rehearsal for this Opera show that I am doing on Sunday. I am just in the chorus, and it is unpaid, but it is a great learning experience. I am going to be performing with a full orchestra and a ballet, so this will be great experience.
Earlier today I spoke to Van about stuff...he told me some news about getting a new doctor. I had to ask some questions, and see if it was a man or woman. I found out it is a guy and Asian so I dropped the questions. If he was black I would have to dig deeper. Just to see if he is his type.
I don't like him like that, but I just wanted to know for sure.
Anyway, we laughed and talked, and made plans to hang out for like 2 hours or so, before he has to race home and pick up someone from the airport. I talked to him recently and confirmed for tomorrow and he said he doesn't know which means he will most likely flake on me.
It used to bother me, because if you care about someone than you would do things to make them happy. And more importantly you would want to see them and hang out. I know we are not together, but he is still a friend, and valued treasure in my life.
But I guess that goes to show, that he feels it is ok to make plans with me, and cancel them without caring about how I will feel, cause how I feel means nothing. It has very little standing and very little clout.
Oh well...nothing I can do about that. If you don't matter to someone, what can you do right?? So if he comes and hangs out that is cool, but if he cancels on me then that is also cool. I kinda understand that for him it means nothing if that happens, and for me it is different. I just wish he would recognize that we differ in this and act accordingly, but that requires caring.
I will continue to treat him great, because I want to be treated great. I truly believe in treat others, how you want to be treated. If I treat you right and with respect, love, and dignity, I expect it in return.
He would say I am expecting a lot from him, but to be honest I am expecting very little from him. I do this with everyone I meet, and he should know that by now. From the guys to strangers. I give a lot to all I meet and encounter. :-)
Now it is time for bed, and hopefully I see him tomorrow. I really want him to give me his take on my material, and let me know how he feels. I really wanna prepare myself for the battle the Lord is gearing me up for. Someone has to be the one to stand up and fight, and that is me. I take what God has called me for with dignity, honor, and grace.
So we shall see what happens tomorrow, but regardless I have to rehearse with my fellow singer, then another choir rehearsal for the Catholic church, and then hopefully I want to go to church and fellowship and see the youth explosion.
I really hope I can go, but my body is running outta gas. I need to stop burning the candle on both ends, but soon I will be able to slow down a little.
J-Bo
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