When will this day end?? SO TIRED!!!!

So you guys know that my mother has been in the hospital sick with blood clots in her lungs. She is doing much better, and should be coming home soon. So we have to wait and see what is going to happen.

So then my sister's car gets all messed up last night, and she ended up having to stay the night. Then we get there today, and it had to be towed...her total is like $1700. She said she is just going to buy a new car and call it a day.

Anyway so I drove her all the way to Nyack b/c that is where she lives, and I had nothing else to do. While out there Van calls me and says he wants to hang. I say sure. We make plans to meet at school, but b/c I have more work to do he just ends up meeting me at my place.

When we get in my place he kisses me...I kiss him back.

We ended up having sex, but not going too far, because he had to leave. His mother and family were expecting him at a certain time.

So afterwards he is of course rushing out of the house...and I did feel like damn nigga slow your ass down. But I understand...he had to get back so he didn't have to deal with anything from his fam.

I understand that I was just overreacting...he of course said that he was starting to feel bad about it. It blows my mind how simple and slow he is sometimes. When I told him to think about it, and stop focusing on certain things, he just said he can't.

He reminds me of this lady that got divorced, because she was raised in the house where sex was considered a bad thing, and it was never talked about. So she gets married and her husband and her have sex 2x a year...his bday and new year.

All because of the beliefs she adopted from her childhood. I tried to tell him this, but it is something he has to see.

You would think after going right for so long, that he would stop and ask questions and just question things. It seems like he will question everything besides his sexuality...almost as if his family beat the "gay is horrible" thing to death.

I know the desires of his heart...I know that when he was here he was so happy, and he felt so good. He just is his worst enemy.

I do have to give him credit though...he has come through a lot lately, so I can be understanding and fair. He continues to be a great friend, and that means the world to me.

J-Bo