I just want to make it known that even though my feelings for Van have not changed we are not together. I was out there having a good time today and of course I got to watch my Glee and I so want to be on that show. I belong on that show.
Anyway I went to go see my godson, and he is beautiful. But while talking to his parents I realized that even though I love Van and we can be together and make it work, because of theological/religious differences we are not together.
I am looking to grow deeper in God and I want a man that loves God first and me second. I want a man that loves me for who I am and can help me raise up in areas where I fall short. Van and I helped each other where the next one falls short. I want that...I need that in my life.
So even though I do love Van flaws and all, and he does the same for me, until he changes his views on things then we cannot move forward. So I see him as a great friend.
He did say that I am his first and his last, and I truly believe that is the way it should be. I like the idea of that. Is that bad?? :-)
Anyway I am off to bed soon...talking to my friend Steve about church and getting him to be more consistent. I gotta take the advice I am giving him.
One thing I knew that being with Van was giving me was more structure in some areas...I could still care less about having religion...give me relationship and spirituality any day, but a little religion won't hurt.
So what to do tomorrow?? Work and start making moves. Like Van said I know it is my destiny and I have to go forward with no fear and just take whatever happens and comes my way.
J-Bo
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