Sorry for being MIA for the last few days. Been busy getting this business going, and it is not easy at all, but the payoff will be worth it. Nothing to do, but keep at it, and stay flexible. Just taking it one day at a time.
So you guys know that Van stopped talking to me for a while, and is now talking to me again. We have been having some very good conversations...it has been like old times.
The thing is that we were suppose to meet last week, but he said no b/c he felt someway about it. I didn't want that, so I said ok...we said rain check.
Then we made plans to see each other tomorrow. He basically told me that he wanted my ass, dick, balls, and mouth completely tomorrow. I had to be strong and told him no. He doesn't deserve just random sex, and neither do I.
Even though it is not random, and I feel we are tied and connected like any married couple would be it is the mental stuff that I am worried about. To make a long story short I fought him off...so we are not meeting tomorrow.
And may I tell you this I am so mad...I want to see him. I want to kiss him. I want to fuck him. I want to swallow him. Excuse me for being vulgar, but that is my man and I believe he would be my husband.
Now here is the thing...he no longer has a problem with being gay...he just has a problem with acting on his gay feelings. I know...trust me I know. -_-
So he says that he doesn't need anyone to say anything to him...it is just how he feels. I just want him to realize that we can not always go on how we feel. That God has given us the keys and tools to design the life of our dreams.
That is why he is going to be a fine doctor, and a great Opera Star, because it is what he wants to do.
I also told him what I want, and I know what he wants. But he did say he can't meaning won't give it to me and to him. Where there is doubt and fear it can cripple even the strongest man...and Van is but a man.
J-Bo
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