I went to my friend's job today to help with one of their studies, and I had to do an HIV test as part of it.
I wasn't worried...the only person I've been sleeping with is Van and he is negative. The guy asked me what I thought it would say and I told him. He said what if it was positive...I laughed and said someone would owe me an explanation. :-)
I realize that people don't know their status, and that is just talking about HIV and AIDS. I mean people are walking around with all sorts of STIs and they don't know it, don't care, and are also not disclosing it, because they don't want to hear no.
Needless to say my dick is staying in my pants b/c my health is not a game.
Now I say that but I am horny as all hell...I have the need to stick my dick in something and soon. Not to mention I have been craving getting stroked on the regular. I really am a total vers and sometimes a top/vers, but vers is seeming more like the reality.
I have a lot of things that are coming that I need to be ready for. I cannot let one opportunity pass me by...which means hustle, hustle, hustle.
I am really tired so I am going to go take a nap. My pastor friend and his man are getting married this weekend. They are supposed to come to the city and get it done or they may go to a closer city for them.
Whatever they choose I wish them the best, and if they do come up here I look forward to seeing them.
I know it won't be for long b/c it is a secret and they have to rush back, but even an hour with great people is enough.
So I am going to take a nap and then get to work...tomorrow is a busy, busy day for me, and I want to get an early start.
J-Bo
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Officially a graduate
So I get an e-mail from my school stating that I am officially a graduate and I can request my official transcript and it will say that.
I have come a long way and I have longer still to go, but I am enjoying the journey.
So I am very happy and pleased with myself. Now it is time to get ready for tomorrow.
I had a real weak moment...I miss Van so much. I can't let anyone else know because I have to be strong and be the one they come to. I know that a strong leader is also a man who can also show that vulernable side, but what can I say.
Pride is a real bitch.
As long as anyone else knows I am good and nothing is wrong, and I am just busy working on other areas of my life.
Time for bed...night ppl
J-Bo
I have come a long way and I have longer still to go, but I am enjoying the journey.
So I am very happy and pleased with myself. Now it is time to get ready for tomorrow.
I had a real weak moment...I miss Van so much. I can't let anyone else know because I have to be strong and be the one they come to. I know that a strong leader is also a man who can also show that vulernable side, but what can I say.
Pride is a real bitch.
As long as anyone else knows I am good and nothing is wrong, and I am just busy working on other areas of my life.
Time for bed...night ppl
J-Bo
Monday, July 30, 2012
I was asked to "preach/teach"
So I went to a friend's church today, and was asked to give a word or two.
Of course I said no very fast, and sat back down. My friend wasn't too happy, but he understood. I had nothing to say, and I wasn't about to go and make a fool of myself in front of all these people.
It was just a bible study and discussion, but still it felt like the whole church was there!!!!
It wasn't until it was later on that the pastor asked me to go ahead and say something that he wanted me to just work with the youth and speak directly to them. He wanted me to just answer some questions.
Let me tell you that these young kids had me sweating something serious...as soon as I got up there I felt like I was going to shit my pants. :-)
I don't know how people do it every week...I mean it isn't hard, but it is nerve racking.
One of the things that they asked me was what did I feel about the things that were in the Old Testament vs. the New Testament.
I must admit that one was pretty easy. I said that the bible speaks about how Jesus Christ fulfilled the Old Law, and we had a new law with him. That the list of things in the Old Testament especially Leviticus doesn't apply to us now.
Jesus only ask that we are baptized in his name, receive the gift of the holy ghost, and basically follow in his character. Of course I said many christians are missing this last vital key and I gave some examples.
I saw the pastor give me a look so I quickly moved on. Guess I pushed some buttons. :-)
I mean it never really did since it was mainly for the religious priest of the day, but it has nothing to do with us gentiles.
So I told them eat all the pork they wanted though it wasn't all that healthy, I told to eat all the seafood they wanted, women can wear jeans, it is OK for tattoos and piercings (the old people whispered and gave me side eyes on that one.) and more. :-)
It felt like they gave me an easy one. My friend Paul was up there with me, so he took the next question. The next one I took was what I felt about the issue on oneness and what I felt about the trinity.
That was pretty easy too...I said I was raised Catholic and raised in the doctrine of the trinity my whole life, but I never really subscribed to it. There is one God and he goes by many names. He has been said to work through what people call the Holy Spirit, and he has veiled his greatness in humanity in what we call Jesus.
That is why we seek to see Jesus face, because we cannot do that with God if he is totally unveiled...it is too great for us. So I am a oneness guy because we don't serve 3 Gods. Of course there are a lot of people who believe otherwise, and use 2 bible versus to support them, but I have more than 2 to support mine, but I don't attack people.
I don't think it is right to do so...it only breeds contempt and more fighting...not something I want.
Then I got asked a big one...one that I was not prepared to tackle at all. One of the kids said he was suspended from school for gay bashing. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, and why did he think that behavior was justified.
He said the bible says so. I had to reiterate what I said earlier something that we all believe and accept today. He eventually came out and said that in his house faggots are wrong no matter what and then he went to Romans 1:26-27 to justify himself.
I had to go back and tell them that what Paul was talking about was the fact that these were people who knew better and were giving themselves over to idolatry.
These were men and women of God that knew God yet were worshiping the sun, moons, animals, and more. Pretty much what we call a hippie or witch today. Romans is talking about men and women who are giving false witness to false idols.
Something that most of us don't worry and concern themselves about, but it still goes on today.
Thankfully my friend had an parallel bible that was both the amplified and NKJV. I really do love the NKJV...breaks things into sections like little chapters or sub-heads...nice and easy.
Anyway here is that passage in both versions...I am actually going to go back 2 versus to include in it:
Romans 1:24-27 NKJV
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Romans 1:24-27 Amplified
Of course I said no very fast, and sat back down. My friend wasn't too happy, but he understood. I had nothing to say, and I wasn't about to go and make a fool of myself in front of all these people.
It was just a bible study and discussion, but still it felt like the whole church was there!!!!
It wasn't until it was later on that the pastor asked me to go ahead and say something that he wanted me to just work with the youth and speak directly to them. He wanted me to just answer some questions.
Let me tell you that these young kids had me sweating something serious...as soon as I got up there I felt like I was going to shit my pants. :-)
I don't know how people do it every week...I mean it isn't hard, but it is nerve racking.
One of the things that they asked me was what did I feel about the things that were in the Old Testament vs. the New Testament.
I must admit that one was pretty easy. I said that the bible speaks about how Jesus Christ fulfilled the Old Law, and we had a new law with him. That the list of things in the Old Testament especially Leviticus doesn't apply to us now.
Jesus only ask that we are baptized in his name, receive the gift of the holy ghost, and basically follow in his character. Of course I said many christians are missing this last vital key and I gave some examples.
I saw the pastor give me a look so I quickly moved on. Guess I pushed some buttons. :-)
I mean it never really did since it was mainly for the religious priest of the day, but it has nothing to do with us gentiles.
So I told them eat all the pork they wanted though it wasn't all that healthy, I told to eat all the seafood they wanted, women can wear jeans, it is OK for tattoos and piercings (the old people whispered and gave me side eyes on that one.) and more. :-)
It felt like they gave me an easy one. My friend Paul was up there with me, so he took the next question. The next one I took was what I felt about the issue on oneness and what I felt about the trinity.
That was pretty easy too...I said I was raised Catholic and raised in the doctrine of the trinity my whole life, but I never really subscribed to it. There is one God and he goes by many names. He has been said to work through what people call the Holy Spirit, and he has veiled his greatness in humanity in what we call Jesus.
That is why we seek to see Jesus face, because we cannot do that with God if he is totally unveiled...it is too great for us. So I am a oneness guy because we don't serve 3 Gods. Of course there are a lot of people who believe otherwise, and use 2 bible versus to support them, but I have more than 2 to support mine, but I don't attack people.
I don't think it is right to do so...it only breeds contempt and more fighting...not something I want.
Then I got asked a big one...one that I was not prepared to tackle at all. One of the kids said he was suspended from school for gay bashing. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, and why did he think that behavior was justified.
He said the bible says so. I had to reiterate what I said earlier something that we all believe and accept today. He eventually came out and said that in his house faggots are wrong no matter what and then he went to Romans 1:26-27 to justify himself.
I had to go back and tell them that what Paul was talking about was the fact that these were people who knew better and were giving themselves over to idolatry.
These were men and women of God that knew God yet were worshiping the sun, moons, animals, and more. Pretty much what we call a hippie or witch today. Romans is talking about men and women who are giving false witness to false idols.
Something that most of us don't worry and concern themselves about, but it still goes on today.
Thankfully my friend had an parallel bible that was both the amplified and NKJV. I really do love the NKJV...breaks things into sections like little chapters or sub-heads...nice and easy.
Anyway here is that passage in both versions...I am actually going to go back 2 versus to include in it:
Romans 1:24-27 NKJV
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Romans 1:24-27 Amplified
24 Therefore
God gave them up in the lusts of their [own] hearts to sexual impurity,
to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves [abandoning them to
the degrading power of sin],
25 Because
they exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped and served the
creature rather than the Creator, Who is blessed forever! Amen (so be
it).
26 For this reason God gave them over and abandoned them to vile affections and degrading passions. For their women exchanged their natural function for an unnatural and abnormal one,
27 And
the men also turned from natural relations with women and were set
ablaze (burning out, consumed) with lust for one another—men committing
shameful acts with men and suffering in their own [d]bodies and personalities the inevitable consequences and penalty of their wrong-doing and going astray, which was [their] fitting retribution.
Both of these version very clearly show that this passage is about those committing adultery and for that God basically turned them from their natural to an unnatural one. Paul does talk about it in a lustful way, not in a loving and committed relationship that we all share and want to indulge in.
When you look at the words and take them literally as so many people like to and not think about the translations, and where they are coming from you actually see that there shouldn't be a problem.
If you are straight and never had any affiliations for men, but you sleep with them then you are giving up your natural desires to be with women for men. Same goes for women.
Normally I would go into the original text and the historical context about whatever it was I was teaching so that people can see where I am coming from and why I say what I say, but I am going to take it easy on this one.
So I told the whole church that based on what the scriptures say Paul was talking about people giving to idolatry, and because of that he led them to go out and do things against who they really are. But if you were born and at the point of sexual maturity or awakening and you are a boy that really likes boys or a girl that only likes girls then you are following your natural nature.
When Paul wrote what he wrote in Romans for it to make sense the men and women had to start out with a heterosexual nature, for them to be turned to an unnatural one. Just as in the same way a homosexual man who marries and mates with a woman is going against his nature.
Pretty straightforward to me...
After I was done I could see that most of the young kids were following and they were beginning to ask more questions and really learn. Even some of the older saints were perking up and really enjoying the talk I was giving.
Of course, there were people that didn't like it, and they voiced their objections, but I just stated what was in the bible. They really wanted to attack me, but I also said that here are somethings in the new testament that obviously most major churches are not following, and they can tell me what they think.
Here they are:
So I told the whole church that based on what the scriptures say Paul was talking about people giving to idolatry, and because of that he led them to go out and do things against who they really are. But if you were born and at the point of sexual maturity or awakening and you are a boy that really likes boys or a girl that only likes girls then you are following your natural nature.
When Paul wrote what he wrote in Romans for it to make sense the men and women had to start out with a heterosexual nature, for them to be turned to an unnatural one. Just as in the same way a homosexual man who marries and mates with a woman is going against his nature.
Pretty straightforward to me...
After I was done I could see that most of the young kids were following and they were beginning to ask more questions and really learn. Even some of the older saints were perking up and really enjoying the talk I was giving.
Of course, there were people that didn't like it, and they voiced their objections, but I just stated what was in the bible. They really wanted to attack me, but I also said that here are somethings in the new testament that obviously most major churches are not following, and they can tell me what they think.
Here they are:
- 1 Timothy 2:9
- Now this one is up for debate on what is acceptable for women to wear, but it does clearly talk about women in jewelry, gold, pearls, braided hair, or any costly garment. I was just hanging with my friend who is COGIC and another one who is Baptist...now I am going to leave it there because I have been to their churches and special events...hell even in my church. You'd be surprised.
- Mark 10:8
- This is talking about divorce and is pretty straightforward. How many people have been married and then remarried and are in the church...no comment. Though I do believe that some couples are toxic together and it is best that they separate...just my opinion.
- 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
- Basically it says that women should keep silence in church. They are not allowed to speak and are commanded to be obedient as it says under the law. Now I don't care for this one, and I don't agree, but it is very clear on what it says. I just say thank God I am a man, and I would love to hear someone try to put my mother under their foot...especially a man. LMAO...I feel bad for whoever they are.
So now that I am back home it is time to get to more work, even though I am feeling like I could use a nap. Oh well...no rest for those with big goals.
Someone asked me about premaritial sex. I looked around and all eyes and ears were on me. I said that I don't think you should be having casual sex and just throwing it around, but if you are in a serious committed adult relationship, then you can do what adults do.
Some had a real fit and others were shocked. I said that where it says about losing your virginity in Deuteronomy 22:20-21. It is no longer relevent to us as Christians today.
As to be expected I was told that I am now seen as a radical which to me is crazy...it is all right there. Oh well...nothing to be done about it now. Maybe this is what Van meant about being rough around the edges.
I told them I respect their concerns, but I am not going to lie or sugarcoat...the facts are right there, and it is even more concrete when you look at the original text and the history behind it. But that is for another day.
J-Bo
P.S. Sexual orientation as we know it now is a modern idea. Back in Jesus time and before there was not sexual orientation...there was a man doing what came natural to him, and a woman doing what comes natural to her. Either you had a natural affiliation towards the same sex and you acted accordingly, or you had an affliliation towards the opposite sex and you acted accordingly. I must admit that those days do seem to be easier...but I wouldn't give up my life for nothing. :-)
P.P.S. Why is it that when the bible talks about straight love and lust, that we do not condemn a loving mature relationship? But when we see lust in a gay relationship we want to attack and ban the loving committed relationships of gay people. When I ask people this they just can't give me anything real and substantial. Where are our leaders??
P.S. Sexual orientation as we know it now is a modern idea. Back in Jesus time and before there was not sexual orientation...there was a man doing what came natural to him, and a woman doing what comes natural to her. Either you had a natural affiliation towards the same sex and you acted accordingly, or you had an affliliation towards the opposite sex and you acted accordingly. I must admit that those days do seem to be easier...but I wouldn't give up my life for nothing. :-)
P.P.S. Why is it that when the bible talks about straight love and lust, that we do not condemn a loving mature relationship? But when we see lust in a gay relationship we want to attack and ban the loving committed relationships of gay people. When I ask people this they just can't give me anything real and substantial. Where are our leaders??
Sunday, July 29, 2012
God please help my family!!
So there is so much drama going on with my mother's side of the family...
From what I am hearing my grandmother's house has been turned into a battle ground all over again.
My cousins were acting a damn fool, and bringing drama.
My mother said that my grandmother has been physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, and financially abused.
I just want my grandmother to do what she wanted to do for the past 3-4 years. Sell her house, and move to Florida and enjoy the rest of her life, and leave the drama of NYC alone.
Also it seems my aunts are just there trying to attack and attack. Also my aunt who is living with my grandmother is also going through it. I mean her children are the main ones bringing and causeing all the drama.
My aunt has also been attacked physically, mentally, and emotionally by not only her own children, but it seems my aunts are jumping down her throat as well so she is getting no support from her sisters.
I know what it feels like to be the enemy to be the one people blame and attack for everything. I know how lonely it feels, and how much it hurts, and the pain that it causes.
I just want this to stop. I want my grandmother to move down south, and leave all this alone, and just enjoy the rest of her days.
I want my cousins to use commonsense and stop all the foolishness and resentful behavior.
I want my aunts to get out of my other aunts business, because even though they are sisters, they do not live her life, and do not know what they go through and feel on a day to day basis.
I just feel like it isn't fair...but life isn't fair. My mother says she is going to help her sister as much as possible. She is talking to my father right now about it, and he is overseas again...gotta love my folks. I want a marriage like theirs...but only better and with my special twist.
I am going to make someone a very happy husband...whether it is a man or woman. To be honest I think I maybe more gay than bi, but let's leave that between us. It still feels easier to say I am bi than gay, even though my happiest and healthiest relationship has been with a man.
Not sure how I got to this tangent, but I do do that sometimes. Habit I guess. :-)
So folks the pressure has just been turned on not only for me, but for the rest of my family as well. I have a lot of work to do, and I need to become more than who and what I am, so that I can do more than I am now.
Time to go to work...then maybe an early night.
Times like this make me yearn for someone to speak to. Someone to share my problems with and have them just hear me out...someone to care. Such is the pain of being single...no one like that in your corner.
God you showed me such great love before and it was great minus some problems with that had to do with identity and ideologies...please bless me again.
My mother said if they had things going on in their own lives, then this wouldn't be happening. It is gunny cause it is the same thing that I have told Van about the adults in his family...if they actually had a life and had someone to love they wouldn't be so concerned on everyone else.
I find it funny that the thing all the people in his family want and desire now, he had...I am not going to continue. He doesn't think or care about me...I will do the same. :-)
Much blessing and love to all of you who read this...have a great Sunday.
J-Bo
P.S. I see Van's brother posted a status on FB saying he is getting drunk tonight...that boy is too crazy and too much into being his own man. He coulda thrived in my household where it was taught to be your own person. I just hope he is using protection...no one wants him to be a father right now...cause he is laying it down over there.
From what I am hearing my grandmother's house has been turned into a battle ground all over again.
My cousins were acting a damn fool, and bringing drama.
My mother said that my grandmother has been physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, and financially abused.
I just want my grandmother to do what she wanted to do for the past 3-4 years. Sell her house, and move to Florida and enjoy the rest of her life, and leave the drama of NYC alone.
Also it seems my aunts are just there trying to attack and attack. Also my aunt who is living with my grandmother is also going through it. I mean her children are the main ones bringing and causeing all the drama.
My aunt has also been attacked physically, mentally, and emotionally by not only her own children, but it seems my aunts are jumping down her throat as well so she is getting no support from her sisters.
I know what it feels like to be the enemy to be the one people blame and attack for everything. I know how lonely it feels, and how much it hurts, and the pain that it causes.
I just want this to stop. I want my grandmother to move down south, and leave all this alone, and just enjoy the rest of her days.
I want my cousins to use commonsense and stop all the foolishness and resentful behavior.
I want my aunts to get out of my other aunts business, because even though they are sisters, they do not live her life, and do not know what they go through and feel on a day to day basis.
I just feel like it isn't fair...but life isn't fair. My mother says she is going to help her sister as much as possible. She is talking to my father right now about it, and he is overseas again...gotta love my folks. I want a marriage like theirs...but only better and with my special twist.
I am going to make someone a very happy husband...whether it is a man or woman. To be honest I think I maybe more gay than bi, but let's leave that between us. It still feels easier to say I am bi than gay, even though my happiest and healthiest relationship has been with a man.
Not sure how I got to this tangent, but I do do that sometimes. Habit I guess. :-)
So folks the pressure has just been turned on not only for me, but for the rest of my family as well. I have a lot of work to do, and I need to become more than who and what I am, so that I can do more than I am now.
Time to go to work...then maybe an early night.
Times like this make me yearn for someone to speak to. Someone to share my problems with and have them just hear me out...someone to care. Such is the pain of being single...no one like that in your corner.
God you showed me such great love before and it was great minus some problems with that had to do with identity and ideologies...please bless me again.
My mother said if they had things going on in their own lives, then this wouldn't be happening. It is gunny cause it is the same thing that I have told Van about the adults in his family...if they actually had a life and had someone to love they wouldn't be so concerned on everyone else.
I find it funny that the thing all the people in his family want and desire now, he had...I am not going to continue. He doesn't think or care about me...I will do the same. :-)
Much blessing and love to all of you who read this...have a great Sunday.
J-Bo
P.S. I see Van's brother posted a status on FB saying he is getting drunk tonight...that boy is too crazy and too much into being his own man. He coulda thrived in my household where it was taught to be your own person. I just hope he is using protection...no one wants him to be a father right now...cause he is laying it down over there.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Frustration...
So today was kind of a disappointment.
So much I want to do and accomplish, but for some reason things seem to be moving so slowly.
I know that it is a process and I have to pay my dues, but OMG...I am dying with anticipation.
I think what I am going to do in the meantime is see about becoming a teacher. I mean I get good pay and benefits and really great vacation time. So I cannot be mad at that.
Of course, I am still going to work on my other stuff...all my mentors say the samething. Take care of today's cashflow needs first, and then worry about building wealth for tomorrow later.
I am so ready for this time in my life to be over. I just got over so much drama and learned to deal and accept so many things. I mean that is why so many people from so many different Christian denominations and backgrounds all love the Serenity Prayer:
P.S. My friends Jeff and Paul in Europe are living the good life, and their kids Keith and Donny are AWESOME!!!! I so want them to come and visit...I need them back in my life. :-)
P.P.S. My pastor friend was being pushed to make a anti-gay statement, so he chose the most bland and easy one he could think of according to him. He choose one in support of Chick Fil A for their statements, and he said that got some heat off of him. It is so sad when we have to cover up and do something we don't want to just to keep attention off of ourselves, but I understand. It isn't easy...not at all. His partner isn't happy about that comment he made, but I am sure they will make up. :-)
So much I want to do and accomplish, but for some reason things seem to be moving so slowly.
I know that it is a process and I have to pay my dues, but OMG...I am dying with anticipation.
I think what I am going to do in the meantime is see about becoming a teacher. I mean I get good pay and benefits and really great vacation time. So I cannot be mad at that.
Of course, I am still going to work on my other stuff...all my mentors say the samething. Take care of today's cashflow needs first, and then worry about building wealth for tomorrow later.
I am so ready for this time in my life to be over. I just got over so much drama and learned to deal and accept so many things. I mean that is why so many people from so many different Christian denominations and backgrounds all love the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
I have a lot of work to do you guys. I have a lot of great things coming up, and I just need to stay diligent and keep working hard. Not easy, but it is worth it.
On that note, I am off to bed...gotta get ready for a busy day tomorrow.
J-Bo
P.S. My friends Jeff and Paul in Europe are living the good life, and their kids Keith and Donny are AWESOME!!!! I so want them to come and visit...I need them back in my life. :-)
P.P.S. My pastor friend was being pushed to make a anti-gay statement, so he chose the most bland and easy one he could think of according to him. He choose one in support of Chick Fil A for their statements, and he said that got some heat off of him. It is so sad when we have to cover up and do something we don't want to just to keep attention off of ourselves, but I understand. It isn't easy...not at all. His partner isn't happy about that comment he made, but I am sure they will make up. :-)
Friday, July 27, 2012
The Writer's Life
So I am finally home after a long day.
Been writing like crazy.
Both music and copywriting material...not easy, but I feel really acccomplished and really good. :-)
The day started with my mom going nuts on me, but that is what it is.
Then my friend Alli came over to work on music and chill...her ass fell right asleep on my coach. I guess she needed the rest.
Then I went to school while writing had to help 2 people with some life stuff, and then play piano and make music with Alli.
After that it was off to my best friends house to eat with him and his wife and talk about life, love, and God.
Then my friend walked me to the train and we had a real serious life discussion about what is my next step, and what we are doing as men this day and age. It was not an easy conversation, and it wasn't easy to hear it coming from him, but I love him, and I know where it was coming from.
So I am raising my standards for myself yet again, and going to another level. God help me because the last time I did this, I made great things happen, but I was a lil overzealous and went into shock and my body shut down for a week. :-(
Gotta be smart about this one, but still play to win.
Goodnight you guys...I have to get to bed...maybe give Aaron and Dishone a call first. They are still arguing and it is over nothing.
I wish they could see how Van and I interacted...we never let things get to big, and we respected each other's weaknesses and strengths. I mean we still wanted to fight and kill each other, but that is part of the process. :-)
I do miss him...his smile and his frown. But that is for another day. I need to sleep and get up early. I want to wish him good luck on his test, but I am going to have all the kids and ppl I introduced to him tell him. He won't know it is from me.
I want him to think I just don't care. Not sure why...I guess pride and maybe I am a chauvinist.
When you know who you are & you know God intimately, you'll be unstoppable. The two are
very connected.
Been writing like crazy.
Both music and copywriting material...not easy, but I feel really acccomplished and really good. :-)
The day started with my mom going nuts on me, but that is what it is.
Then my friend Alli came over to work on music and chill...her ass fell right asleep on my coach. I guess she needed the rest.
Then I went to school while writing had to help 2 people with some life stuff, and then play piano and make music with Alli.
After that it was off to my best friends house to eat with him and his wife and talk about life, love, and God.
Then my friend walked me to the train and we had a real serious life discussion about what is my next step, and what we are doing as men this day and age. It was not an easy conversation, and it wasn't easy to hear it coming from him, but I love him, and I know where it was coming from.
So I am raising my standards for myself yet again, and going to another level. God help me because the last time I did this, I made great things happen, but I was a lil overzealous and went into shock and my body shut down for a week. :-(
Gotta be smart about this one, but still play to win.
Goodnight you guys...I have to get to bed...maybe give Aaron and Dishone a call first. They are still arguing and it is over nothing.
I wish they could see how Van and I interacted...we never let things get to big, and we respected each other's weaknesses and strengths. I mean we still wanted to fight and kill each other, but that is part of the process. :-)
I do miss him...his smile and his frown. But that is for another day. I need to sleep and get up early. I want to wish him good luck on his test, but I am going to have all the kids and ppl I introduced to him tell him. He won't know it is from me.
I want him to think I just don't care. Not sure why...I guess pride and maybe I am a chauvinist.
When you know who you are & you know God intimately, you'll be unstoppable. The two are
very connected.
‘The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind a faithful servant. We
have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.’
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
“They must find it difficult...Those who have taken authority as the truth,
Rather than truth as the authority”
- G. Massey, Egyptologist
- G. Massey, Egyptologist
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Just one of those days..
Well what can I say...today was one unproductive day.
First it started off with me not sleeping so I was up for like 36 hours. Not sure why...I tried everything, but couldn't fall asleep. So I ended up doing some work, and tried to watch animal planet to hep me drift off.
Bad idea.
I love animal planet...I ended up all night watching all the shows and being fascinated and learning. What you have to understand is that when I was younger I wanted to be a vet or a zoologist, so animal stuff always works on me.
I found a different way to help, by helping charities and foundations that help the animals, and help join a cause already in effect.
Anyway so I am up, and I wanted my mom to give me a drop off to school. I had rehearsal. She wakes up and complains about something. So I knew a ride was outta the question.
I didn't want to be in the car with her if she was going to be bitching...not looking forward to an uncomfortable ride. And I heard her mumble that she was not going to give me a ride...real nice. :-(
So I get to school and pass out in the library, but only for like 30 mins, because I have rehearsal.
Which was so unproductive. I am going to have a real talk with the director, and let him tell me what is going on?? I don't feel like wasting my time especially nowadays...got money to make.
Also I couldn't play right after awhile. I couldn't sing, and I was playing off b/c I couldn't focus on where and what I was doing. Not ideal, but shit happens, so I called an early rehearsal and went home to sleep.
So now I am awake, and still feeling drained. So I tink me not going to talk to nobody, and me going back to sleep.
I wanted to work on these packages, and also on sending out some more proposals, but I can't do it. I am in need of sleep.
I came home around 4ish and just got up like 15 mins ago...that is how tired I was and still am. Smh
Before I go, I want to say that it is getting easier not having Van around...I will always love him, and I know what is going on. He is good at burrying and ingnoring his feelings...it has been a good relfex for him...not really healthy, but tell him that. :-)
I do miss him and I look forward to the day when we can meet again...as bigger better men than where we left off.
It would be nice...
I am reading stories of people breaking up and getting divorced over simple stuff. The funny thing is that I had a relationship that when I tell people about they are astonished, and they are jealous.
Lord Jesus you have to fix it...I leave it your hands God. You are working behind the scenes, but please work faster. Also bless me pockets...I want to give to a few charities, and I really want to bless my church.
My pastor is really someone who teaches and imparts wisdom...not letting us settle just to hear, but to really study and seek you Jesus.
Anyway I am off to bed...gotta get ready for tomorrow and to get these headlines and leads polished and ready to go.
J-Bo
First it started off with me not sleeping so I was up for like 36 hours. Not sure why...I tried everything, but couldn't fall asleep. So I ended up doing some work, and tried to watch animal planet to hep me drift off.
Bad idea.
I love animal planet...I ended up all night watching all the shows and being fascinated and learning. What you have to understand is that when I was younger I wanted to be a vet or a zoologist, so animal stuff always works on me.
I found a different way to help, by helping charities and foundations that help the animals, and help join a cause already in effect.
Anyway so I am up, and I wanted my mom to give me a drop off to school. I had rehearsal. She wakes up and complains about something. So I knew a ride was outta the question.
I didn't want to be in the car with her if she was going to be bitching...not looking forward to an uncomfortable ride. And I heard her mumble that she was not going to give me a ride...real nice. :-(
So I get to school and pass out in the library, but only for like 30 mins, because I have rehearsal.
Which was so unproductive. I am going to have a real talk with the director, and let him tell me what is going on?? I don't feel like wasting my time especially nowadays...got money to make.
Also I couldn't play right after awhile. I couldn't sing, and I was playing off b/c I couldn't focus on where and what I was doing. Not ideal, but shit happens, so I called an early rehearsal and went home to sleep.
So now I am awake, and still feeling drained. So I tink me not going to talk to nobody, and me going back to sleep.
I wanted to work on these packages, and also on sending out some more proposals, but I can't do it. I am in need of sleep.
I came home around 4ish and just got up like 15 mins ago...that is how tired I was and still am. Smh
Before I go, I want to say that it is getting easier not having Van around...I will always love him, and I know what is going on. He is good at burrying and ingnoring his feelings...it has been a good relfex for him...not really healthy, but tell him that. :-)
I do miss him and I look forward to the day when we can meet again...as bigger better men than where we left off.
It would be nice...
I am reading stories of people breaking up and getting divorced over simple stuff. The funny thing is that I had a relationship that when I tell people about they are astonished, and they are jealous.
Lord Jesus you have to fix it...I leave it your hands God. You are working behind the scenes, but please work faster. Also bless me pockets...I want to give to a few charities, and I really want to bless my church.
My pastor is really someone who teaches and imparts wisdom...not letting us settle just to hear, but to really study and seek you Jesus.
Anyway I am off to bed...gotta get ready for tomorrow and to get these headlines and leads polished and ready to go.
J-Bo
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