I still miss and think of him...why??

So I was sitting here, and really thinking of Van.

It doesn't happen all the time...most times I am really good. But every once and awhile I see or hear something that reminds me of him. I smell something that reminds me of him.

Now don't get me wrong...I am not walking around just missing him. I have been out having fun, and living my life, and doing me. No that does not mean I am sleeping around. I haven't been with anyone since him.

I don't want to just jump into bed with someone, and all the great people in my life who want to be with me, there is just a block. Not sure why, but how many people have leading medical and legal professionals wanting a relationship with them. How many people have financial and political leaders interested in them.

Maybe it is because I don't feel like I am doing all that I can right now that I don't want to be with so many great people. I just feel so humbled and grateful that they want to be with me. The big trip is that I am finding "big" names in the religious and spiritual community coming around. God knows what they see in me...what Van saw in me??

So tomorrow I have plans to do, but now I just want to sleep. I am starting to working out again cause this weight has to come off.

When I do think of him I push it out of my head. I kind of put a barrier up around my heart and mind when it comes to him. The funny thing is that he has always been able to get pass them with little to no effort. God, why am I so weak, and what is it about him.

I have literally had royalty on my dick, and yet this kid comes and rocks me. God what were you thinking?!?!?!?!

BTW went to the doctor and dentist and everything is great except I need to lose this weight. Wow...i just rhymed. :-)

Off to bed...night people.

J-Bo

P.S. I wonder how he is doing? I wonder how his family is doing? I wonder if he ever thinks about me? I wonder how med school is going? I wonder...I just wonder.

P.P.S. I put in the title why I thought about him...I know why. I still have feelings for him. I knew that wasn't going to change.