Relationships pt. 1

This post is about relationships and what makes a successful one.

This is advice that has been put together from my parents, grandparents, and all the successful people in the realm of relationships that are truly happy and successful.

I was telling Aaron and Dishone some of the things, because they want to make sure their relationship has a fighting chance. I want to give them all the tools they need to see if the relationship can make it, and to have a fighting chance.

They really make me happy seeing them together. I hope they can make it the long run.

I hope that these 2 post really help you guys out there...both men and women.

Here it is:

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Power of Relationships: Passion, Connection, and Love

There are two universal laws of life: anything that doesn’t grow dies, and anything that fails to contribute is eliminated. These laws hold true for everything in life, especially for relationships.

Extraordinary relationships – not merely good or excellent, but truly legendary ones – are those in which the participants continually grow and contribute to themselves, the relationship, and each other.

Identify the Gap Bet. Where You Are & Where You Want To Be

1.     Where are you?

a.     If you’re in a relationship you either

                                               i.     Want more from it

                                             ii.     Want out of it

                                            iii.     Are immobilized

b.     If you’re not in a relationship

                                               i.     You want one but don’t have one; you fear being hurt

                                             ii.     You don’t want one; you’ve been hurt before

2.     Where you want to be?

a.     Visualize your ideal relationship. What would it look like? What would you talk about, laugh about, share, learn together? How would you make love, surprise, and contribute to each other?

b.     Remember to stay flexible…sometimes we get better than we ever could’ve imagined.

c.     Also remember that you are not giving someone everything they want right off the bat…we can all grow more into what we want out of our partners and vice versa.

The Purpose of Relationships

Relationships exist to magnify the human experience. Which emotions are you magnifying: negative ones or positive ones?

The Secret to Handling Upsets

When we associate pain to a relationship, we’re responding to the past. These are independent events. Remember that this is not that.

Instead of assuming the worst, become a master of meaning. Ask these questions to keep from assuming the worst and getting yourself into trouble.

1.     What else could this mean?

2.     What else could be happening in this situation?

Most of the time it is not about you, but about something or someone else, that the person is using you to get out their frustrations. The person we are closest with we tend to unload on even though they have nothing to do with it, and don’t deserve it. Awareness is the first step.

Remember Sigmund Freud’s wise words – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar! Don’t turn an ant-hill into a mountain.

The Ultimate Love of Your Life

The quality of your relationships is in direct proportion to the amount of yourself you are able to share. Sharing produces a synergy where one plus one equals more than two.

·      Go to a relationship to give, not to get.

Measuring and remembering who gives more is a surefire way to kill a relationship. When driven by rules instead of love, relationships begin to die.

·      Keep your rules to a minimum

Too many rules can destroy a relationship. Upsets occur easily when you have too many ways to feel bad.

·      Help your partner meet his or her needs.

Although we go about meeting them in different ways, we all have the same six needs. These needs are: certainty, uncertainty, love/connection, significance, growth, and contribution. Legendary relationships occur when both partners feel that their needs are met.

·      Understand the importance of awareness and acceptance.

Be aware that all human beings share the same two primary fears: that they are not enough and they won’t be loved. Primary fears are triggered any time you feel like you’re not being seen as significant enough or you fear the loss of love. If you’re starting to react, ask yourself, “What’s really triggering this fear? Am I responding to the present or the past? What else could this mean?”

How to Create An Extraordinary Relationship

You cannot give to other people what you haven’t learned to give to yourself. Write at least 10 things you can do to show how much you love yourself.

Some ideas are working out, eating right, doing a hobby that you really love and makes you feel happy like singing, drawing, acting, swimming, etc.

You can acknowledge yourself for being great, write yourself a love letter, and go to places that you love.

Be very specific about why you love yourself. Don’t just say you like your lips…be very specific. You need to love yourself more than anyone else, because if you can do that then you can give and love to someone else without a problem and you will know your worth.

Sometimes we accept less and abusive behavior from someone else because we don’t know our worth…this is a way to give ourselves that which we want from others, and what we want to give to others.

Take two minutes every morning for the next 7 days to look in the mirror and repeat, “I love you [your name], I love you [your name]…” Tell yourself the specific reasons you love yourself.

Give this gift to yourself everyday…spend that time with yourself where you show yourself love, devotion, admiration, and more.

Make sure you spend the time now to everyday do something to give yourself that love so you can have more to give to others. You cannot give to others if you don’t have. The other good thing is that if you have a real good partner they can teach you to love like no other.