My Personal Relationship Diagram

First off I want to start by saying that sharing all of this is not easy. I mean it is very telling, and I am a private person, but I want to lead by example.

I also want to share to be careful of your must and must not list. I mean you should have them so you know where you are heading, but you should also be very open.

For example yes it is true someone should meet your sensuality and your sexuality. I mean what good does it do me to have a woman that is meeting all my needs, but my primary sexuality is towards men...in the long run this is not a sustainable relationship.

On my list I do not have connect with someone's soul, but that is what happened with Van and I. Here we were sitting in this class, and somehow someway we connected and we met, and our lives became one.

Now we had a lot of the ups and downs that go through many relationships, and honestly we would be in the legendary category because we have similar natures and complementary natures. The truth is that we also supported the others dreams, and goals.

I bring this up because some issues are so huge. I know many people that have over came the religious issue, because religion and spirituality are two different things. The stories of Jesus Christ show that he did not care for religion and institution, but for relationship and spirituality.

I have even seen my two friends Aaron and Dishone overcome their own personal issues and work on building a life and foundation together. I wish them the best... I really do.

It does make me upset that the only thing keeping me from someone that made me so happy and better, and that I was doing the same for is old fashioned beliefs.

Of course it is funny also. I mean here is someone using the bible to justify his beliefs when he doesn't believe or follow 1/2 of what the bible teaches saying that it was for a different time, when there are people in the world that would argue with him.

When I brought them up to him, he just didn't want to talk or think about it, because it would cause him to challenge his family and foundation...something his siblings and cousins are doing and that is why they can live apart and do them. They can even be close, but be their own persons.

I really want him to get to that place...I mean everything he believes is based on what his family believes, but he is the first to admit his family doesn't like to admit they are wrong, and will stay the same even if it kills them because they would rather be right than do right.

It baffles me, because anyone who studies their bible instead of just read it can see. This is not about him...this is about me doing the exercises and showing you guys...I only bring him up because he is very important to me, and he holds such a special and big place in my heart and spirit. I bring him up to show that everything can go right, but because of one issue there can be so much pain. I am not only jealous of his family that move on and can do them, but also of Dishone and Aaron that they are past this part of their lives.

I wonder if Van believes that this is something you fix one time and you are done. I wish it was that simple...personal growth takes time and work, relationships take time, finances take time. Everything you want takes some attention and work to accomplish and they all help each other. Nothing you do gets done one time and that is it.

That is why we are suppose to get a daily filling of the Holy Ghost...because the filling from even 10 minutes ago isn't enough.

I must say I love my church...ok no more side tracking.

Anyway here it is.

-------------------------------------------

Ideal Mate from Heaven:

Loving                         caring                           compassionate                                    strong willed gentle                             Open-minded              growth oriented                       passionate

Own interest               People person             devoted                                   family orient

Health conscious         financially sound         Giver                                       God-minded

Spiritual                      Expressive                   Communicator                                    detail oriented

Inner beauty                outer beauty                Sexual Adventerous                Spontaneous

High Sex Drive            Career minded             Goal Oriented                         Intelligent

Emotionally Sound     Selfless                        Adventerous                           Saved

Spiritually Parallel      Masc/Fem                   Leader                                     Follower

Humble                       Connection                 

Ideal Mate from Hell:

Close-minded              One sided                    No goals                                  Boring

Racist                          Bigot                           No spiritual foundation          Conceited

Judgemental                Passive                        Push over                                Shallow

The funny thing is that all of these were being met, and none of my must nots were being met.

The only thing that was the problem is the religious part and that is what annoys and pains me the most.

Now here is what I believe that I need to do more of, and become to attract and keep my relationships flourishing and thriving.

Here is what I feel I need to be to attract the person of my dreams (let's be honest I love dick more than pussy, but I hold onto my bi title. :-))

I will end with this and the next post will be about whatever other great thing is happening in my life.

BTW I am on campus today and the guards are telling me to keep my ID in my pocket...they know my face and voice. And I am getting stopped all over campus. You know I am feeling myself today!!!!! :-D

Who do I need to become?

I need to become a person that gives without expecting a return, but to also know that I deserve it to be returned. To be strong enough to know that I can bear all you bring to me, because God has shaped my soul. I need to honor my own dreams and goals, but also to remember that I am part of a team, and helping you realize your dreams and goals like you do for me matters more than anything.

I need to honor my family and friends for they honor me, and those that only want me to do what they want, and care less about my desires and dreams go to the back, and to help them do the same. To help them remember that they matter and what they want matters and that it is their life. That the best thing they can do is to thrive and be successful on their terms, and let those who really appreciate them stay for the ride.

I need to be a man that honors my God, body, and soul. I need to make sure I am the best I can be physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and more so that I can help you, and you can help me.

I always need to be looking to get better and never just settle and rest on my laurels, because it won’t last and I want to always be striving for more for me, my partner, and those around us.

I want to help you accomplish everything you want, and if need be just be there to support and enjoy the ride.

I need to be able to go with the flow and not be rigid. I need to be able to expand my awareness and understand that I don’t know everything, and there is no way for me to know everything and the best thing I can do is to stay humble.

I need to love and honor my partner because they are in my life for a reason, and God doesn’t make mistakes. I need to love myself more than anyone else, so I can love my partner in return. I need to understand that true love is rare and the intimacy and connection even rarer and honor that. Not to let my insecurities get the best of me. To think before I act.

I need and want to be at the best in all areas of my life knowing it is a life long pursuit and go through that journey with my partner.

J-Bo