God's Will...

So after we kissed I had to pull a little, but I got this man to come out and say what was bothering him.

He still feels being gay is wrong of course, but not so much. What he ultimately said was that for right now he had to focus on other things.

He is right about that. He is looking to pass his MCATs and get into medical school and I have a music career to start and a few businesses. I mean we can be together and make it work, but it would have to be on some next level shit.

What it comes down to tonight is that he feels that his ministry right now is in jeopardy, and I think that it isn't, but what I think doesn't matter.

What matters is that he does, and I do believe that as long as he is at peace somewhat with himself he can minister more freely. When he doesn't then obviously not at his best.

So we are going to be friends, but we are going to be friends from afar. It sucks.

He feels that we cannot be in each others lives right now, and I see why he would say that, but I don't think it is true.

The only thing I can do is move forward, and pray that whatever God is trying to do he does.

Honestly you guys we make each other so happy. We really do work, and everything clicks when we are together. The only problem is that we are so close...like married close.

Deep down he doesn't really believe that being gay is wrong, but he is holding onto it, because it is the only truth he knows.

We will always be friends...actually we will always be more than just friends. But he is closer to me than the Big 3. He knows me better than most people do, and the same goes vice versa.

I kind of want to go back to believing he hates me and doesn't want me to ever come around him, but I know that is not true. I won't lie to myself. I won't do it. I deserve better than that.

I know he must be talking to his friend Darnelle who is a fellow COGIC boy like him. He must be talking to him, because he needs to have someone that agrees with him that he can talk to and he is the best person.

His cousin is gay and proud so that doesn't help. He needs someone that feels bad, about who they are and trying to fight it.

The fact is that he will still be there for me, and I will still be there for him. I now need to go to sleep, because I have a headache.

He said this past year was a weird one because it was a year of confusion. We talked about identities and all that.

I knew better. I knew that as much as he wanted it he was going to feel bad for wanting it.

He said he is really moving strong in church and a new powerful anointing is falling fresh on the service. I know it is because he is lining up with as much of his identity as he can, and so he can move freer and with less hindrance.


J-Bo